Again I Go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessionals

So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of my eye
won't be the only way you're looking at me then.

This song is like poetry to me..jo, it is highly recommended for u to listen to it..dunno y i just felt like saying that..haha..but yea, go listen to it k?

Cheers

Time of reflecting..

end of the year, like duh rite? which other time should we reflect? haha, well actually we can spend any time to just sit down and reflect what we have accomplished, but it is a lot easier to do it at the end of the year..

anyway, so far, this year has been....well, a year..cant say it was a good year, cuz it wasnt, but i cant say it was a bad year, because it wasnt..so yea...it was a year..haha

a lot has happened, my first mission trip, youth camp just to name a few but yea, it has been all good experiences for me, and i REALLY thank God for all he has provided me..it was such a blessing just to be able to do everything that i've done, and also helping me cope with the hard times..haha..

anyway, so wat is the point of reflecting? well, that depends on u of course, if ur d kind of person who loves to learn from your own mistakes, then u use reflections to learn..if ur d kind who likes to reminisce, then you spend your time doing that..k, kinda obvious rite? so yea, why do churchs have watchnight services which the point of it is to reflect on the year that has past? it is done to make sure that we have spent our time wisely and that if we havent we would spend the next year more wisely..

well, this leads me to ask, if we did this last year, why do we still make the same mistakes and at the end of the year, make the same promise to not do it again? maybe new year resolutions should come more than just once a year if u noe wat im talking about..k, it seems like i've started rambling again..so yea,have fun and Happy New Year again..

Cheers

For the longest of times..

haha, yea its been like the longest of times since i last updated this blog, but yea, if u noe me well enough, december is the MOST busiest time of the year for me..so yea, exams ended, youth camp went by, sister is back from the US which is the reason why u dont really see me online cuz she is, christmas, and falling sick as well..haha..anyway, here is to all, MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!! and A LITTLE EARLY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Anyway, apart of all that is said above, my grandma also passed away on 21st morning, so this post is dedicated to her..

Ever heard the story of the children's story about a baby mouse that ran into a chicken and a cat? if u haven't here is the story..

a baby mouse comes running into the house and she/he/it (which ever makes u happy) runs to him/her/it's mother and says, "mummy! mummy! you cant believe the day that i've had!!" so the mother decides to sit the baby mouse down and the baby tells the mother the story..

"i went out to play with my other friends, and we played for the longest of times, but suddenly 2 giant figures approached us and all my friends ran away. But i decided to stay and see what the giant figures were like. the first one was very loud, looked ugly and was very rough. The second giant looked very soft, quiet, and seemed very nice to be with. I tried to go close to the soft n nicer giant to play with it because it looked friendly, but the ugly giant was always coming between us and kept blocking me and making a lot of noise from getting to the softer and quieter giant. So I got scared of the 1st giant that i ran home to you."

The mother mouse then hugged the baby mouse and said the it/her/him "that was the smart thing to do". The baby mouse then asked the mother mouse, "why is that mummy, and what were the two giants?"

So the mother answers, "Darling baby, the first giant was a rooster, and the rooster is loud because it is his responsibility to wake all of us up. The second giant my child was a cat, and cat's eat mice, that is how your father died, because he got too close to the cat. So the rooster saw that the cat was near you and he decided to take care of u by warning u and keeping you away from the cat."

And so the baby mouse learnt her/his/it's lesson in life and stayed away from the cat and decided to go and play with the rooster from then on..the end..

k, besides the fact that the baby mouse is able to comprehend death, and is able to venture outside alone without supervision, this story always reminded me of amachi (which is what we call our grandma) It was sad that she had developed dementia when i just started to mature and start to focus on others then always looking to have fun..so my memories of her when i was a child was she being strict..comparing her to my dad's mum, i always would prefer to visit her, because i did have more fun there, on the count that there was a computer i could play games on and also cuzins to hang out with..

My mum's grandparents lived in Sungai Petani in their own house, and she use to always make us follow a schedule, lunch is at 1, dinner at 7.30, and breakfast at 9am..well, judging from my size, i didnt really enjoy eating, but when i was at their house, i actually liked the food, and i would actually eat all the food that amachi cooked..my mum use to always say that i put on weight when i went there..but other than that, she use to also always make sure we dont always spend the time watching TV, and make us go outside to play, but she was rather protective about her garden, which gave me the impression that flowers dont die, because she always kept the garden in bloom..

anyway, she was rather protective of her garden, so i remember her scolding us if we played football, because we would sometimes kick the ball into her flowers, and so she would come out and scold us, which led us to play badminton more..

i did tell my mum taht i found amachi too strict, but my mum always said, "when you get older you would understand" well, although now im not that much older, but i finally learn to appriciate all her rules, and actually see that she is actually always looking out for us..i may not have said much just now to prove this point, but if u were there, you could feel it somehow..well, i noe i did..the schedule always made sure that we led a well balanced life..mornings to either study or watch tv, and afternoons also the same, while evenings were always were to play outdoors..

i think i can say that all of her grandchildren have heard stories of amachi being the kindest person where her house was always open to anyone who needed a place to stay, and well, now looking back, i would say that we have experienced it too, where everytime we went over to stay, amachi was never in a bad mood or acted in ways that didn't want all of us there..the house sometimes would be over crowded, where we would sleep in the tv room, living room, and almost everywhere, and what surprises me now is that how we always had mattresses to sleep on, like there would be 30 people sleeping in 1 house..quite amazing..

during her latter years, when she started developing dementia (it is a disease that causes an individual to lose their memory) she use to always ask me, because i use to hang around my cuzin's house, where she and my grandpa was living when she developed it, and she use to always ask me, "Mone (pronounced as mo- ne, sounds like more-nare), where is your mummy? how is she doing?" and i would always answer, "she is at home amachi and she is fine amachi" then she would nod in acknowledgement, and five minutes later asks me the same question again, and i would answer..i never minded answering her, because i felt really sad for her, because that was like the only conversation i could ever hold with her..but yea, anyway what i really saw from her is that she was always thinking of others, which i find really amazing, cuz i just find it super hard to constantly think of others all the time..so thank you amachi for all that you have given us..I am really sorry for that one time that i shouted at you, which I myself have forgotten what it was about, but i remember just shouting at you, amachi..God Bless and see you in heaven..

Cheers and rest in peace..

The Games We Play

during exams, the MCQ exams, i use to play like mind games with myself, cuz i found that exams were just too boring..this of course was when i was young..like, standard something young..anyway, yea i use to look at the answer sheet as a race or a competition where there is 4 competitors..A,B,C,D..so my game was to see which of the competitors got shaded the most, and my favourite was always C..go figure..so yea, also i would see what is the last answer would be, so it would be like the finish line..BUT of course u would think, then might as well i shade in the 1st and last answer to noe who won rite? well, yea, but it wouldnt be fun anymore..

i actually remember waiting in anticipation to find out who won, cuz sometimes when i dont noe wat to answer, i would count the answers, to see the current status, or to see who was "in the lead" so yea, if it was B-14 n C-13, i would be like damn excited! haha..anyway, i would say this experience has actually trained me to be objective..cuz i could have shaded in all the C's and would have won, but i didnt, cuz i wanted to get it all right..haha..but yea, even when it came to answers that i wasnt sure, i would still choose between the 2 answers i thought was closer to being right then playing my game..but yea, i mean, if u noe me well enough, i hate books, and studies..esp when i was younger..exams wasnt my greatest joy also..so yea, i created the game to keep me occupied..also created a "stock market" story cuz d race also got a little boring after awhile..so yea..haha..

how d story worked is i use to choose a country (yea, i didnt noe much about the stock markets or the economy), usually a south american country, and then envision the answer sheet as those stock charts u see..haha..anyway yea..cuz the questions are clumped into 5's, so yea every 5 questions were a day..so yea, this is a little more complicated, cuz now A,B,C,D all had values now, but d values depended on where u started..for example, if i started d 1st question with a B, then my 5th question was C, that means i went up by 1..(consider it as like 1 point in the stock market) so yea, if i started off with a A, then ended with a D, that is d biggest margine the country can gain from, which would be 3..so yea, it would take 5 for me to "overtake" England and 10 for me to "overtake" US and be the richest country in the world..(in my own little world of course) but yea, this game really helped me with me geography, as i use to be like a commentator in my head, saying things like, "and the argenitian Peso has risen by 2 points and has now overtaken Great Brittain!" so yea, learnt, or tried to learn, what each country calls it's money, like the US is dollar, and England is Pound..but yea..also learnt my countries and also d capitals! haha..o, btw, if just say i started with a D, it would really suck, cuz there is no way of gaining points, the best i could get would be a draw, that is if it lets..so yea, it would fluctuate up and down, kinda like the real stock market, no?

but yea, from that experience, i also learnt that most of the MCQ answers are B! haha..but yea, now i look back its like, "hmm, got a good imagination (says it like spongebob with my hands waving to form a rainbow..haha, ben noes wat im talking about)..maybe i should do some writting of a story or work in showbiz"haha but yea, dont think i will..psych's my thing..

Cheers

A Hattrick of Bliss..

Jaws Theme Swimming, again!

Yea i noe, not again..but seriously its like a jigsaw puzzle for me..trying to figure out the meaning from the lyrics..its such a cool song..haha..did some research of course..d meaning of the song seems rather dark..but yea..also wondered y call it jaws theme swimming? so here is an interpretation (originally i used the word analysis..haha, too much psych) from another guy which i kinda agree with..

"Ok. Well first off I love this song.. but who doesn't?

I seem to find my lyrical interpretations a bit darker though.

As with most of the songs on this album, i see this song as a vignette. it tells me a story of a predatory stranger possibly abducting a little girl. him leaving tobacco, peppermints and fingerprints in the car as in a crime scene. her, "sucking on your breath mint, dissected and stuck with pins" (killed probably), and of course the smoke (from his tobacco) at the playground and its cold outside, these also set the tone.

And then from the mothers point of view (as if to her daughter) "if youre leaving just let me know" and "if your coming home just let me know". of course she leaves without letting her mother know. ("some rules are made with all intentions to break") hence the mother frantically searching the playground in the pouring rain "concrete and water".

then later in the song, the mother taking the daughters picture off the wall and out of its frame, overcome by the grief of this tragedy takes her life by jumping out the window."


This is just what I got from it when I listened to it.

here is the link http://artists.letssingit.com/brand-new/jaws-theme-swimming/vdvx3mb/reviews/2

Here is the lyrics again..

In a car outside,
we stalk the idle kind.
"If you're leaving, just let me know."
Tobacco and peppermint,
dusting for fingerprints.
A film in her eyes from the glow.
Some rules are made
with all intentions to break,
And she defends it
with a warped rationale.
But I've seen what happens
to the wicked and proud,
When they decide to try
to take on the throne for the crown.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve.

When it got cold outside,
smoke beneath the playground lights.
If you're coming home,
just let me know.
Sucking on your breath mint,
dissected and stuck with pins.
A film in her eyes from the glow.
Concrete and water,
she's looking for her daughter,
At midnight in torrential downpour.
And everything I said
about how messed your head is,
Got cut up and left
in bits and pieces on the cutting room floor.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve.

Take the picture from the wall
cause you think that nothing matters.
Take a picture from the plane
and it's a long way to the floor.
Cut your finger on the edge
cause it's sharper than they told you.
Take a leap from out the window
cause it's way too far
to go through the door.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve

So yea, my interpretation is that it is not a little girl, but more of a teenage girl, that kinda explains the rebellion and the need to break rules..n yea think it is a girl, cuz it says daughter.. so yea, y the title? well, to me d jaws theme is supposed to be like, suspenseful and scary rite? n swimming is movement, in a sense means practicality, so it kinda says that scary stuff that happens in real life..so yea i guess it is a warning to everyone..anyway, d chorus i feel is about how we age and yes, do stupid things, even our parents who are older but fail to impart the information to us..so we try the same things over and over again till our body aches..k, at first i thought the lyrics was from the daughter, cuz of the last line, where she is saying that even though she loves her mother, she is not able to retain what she has learnt, but the beginning part of the chorus didnt really connect, esp the "and you take, cause they give"..but yea, i guess wat it means is that the mother is comparing herself to a sieve (a strainer to those who dont not wat a sieve is) and i guess saying how she is crying for her daughter..

Other than that, i pretty much agree with wat the other guy said..really cool song..we should do this in psych class la..haha..

Cheers..

time to move on..

Well, its about time..anyway, in the midst of finals now..philosophy was good..just too bad i didnt have enough time..damn, i hope i can get a C..thats how sad i am, i noe..but yea, next paper is LAN, malaysian studies, n that really dont need to stress over..need like, 10 marks to pass..n yea, thats all wat we all are aiming for..waste of time..but yea, in between d 2 papers, i have an assignment to do, which is basically talk about my groupmates and conflicts that happened in the group..2 pages..nothing big..n its due later..about 11 and a 1/2 hours time..n im still wasting time..besides that, have a presentation on friday, which is a 1/2 an hour presentation on the public health 2010 plan thing in d US..seriously another waste of time..anyway, looking forward to it to end..then i can start studying for conflict, which is like, super interesting subject for me..anyway yea, just looking forward to saturday d 13th..(haha, missed by one day so it becomes a lucky day..)

but yea, all that is just short term plans..like the pic d journey, ahead is long, n im already looking forward to the next break (which is non-existent in life)...striving for something that doesn't exist? doesnt that sound oddly familiar? but yea, u dont get breaks in life, if someone or something dies, no matter how close they/it are/is to u, time just goes on..so u have to move on with it, if not u get left behind..wats wrong with getting left behind? y dont u ask those ppl who have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)..they still hold on to their memories of their traumas..they cant function like u and i..

well, not everything is bad..good thing are in store in the future, one of which is the end..i guess that we should be excited about the end..the end of our monotonous life, our mundane activities, and also our meaningless actions..only 1 thing really matters, and that is God..if u live ur life as He wants u to, then everyday is exciting, and meaningful..so yea, we should look forward to the end if u really live everyday for God..less distractions, more focus on God..but of course, wait for the end, dont make it come to u..

(sorry my posts are a little morbid..still emo-ing..CM, im not going to bang the wall..)

Qoute of the day,

" You emo?? Then go bang wall..Guarantee u won't feel anything after that"

- Lim Choon Meng

Cheers

In Loving Memory

I know that it has taken me 5 days to get this post up, but I just wasn't able to bring myself to do it. Even now I'm tearing up, but I guess it has to be done, in justice to your life and your impact on me. I really wish that you didn't have to go the way you did, but it was all in God's plan. I love you and really miss you.

The first time I wanted to take a picture, you ran and hid under the table..^

Growing curious about my camera..^

This song is dedicated to you..