Purpose Driven Life

First of all, i would like to acknowledge that I found the picture from Google images. Hopefully, there is no copyright infringement..Second of all, I have the book, and it makes a lot of sense..

anyway, the purpose of my post with this title is to note the fact that my life has changed quite a bit, and now like, every action i take or think about taking, the 1st question i ask in my head is "what is the reason behind it?" quite a pragmatic thought..but it is how i think nowadays..for example, i dont go to theme parks because I find that the reasoning for theme parks are absolutely a waste of time, especially for me, because there is no point in thrills..i mean, what does it do for u? makes you feel high, and then? But yea, you can also say the same thing about music, "whats the point?" so yea, now the questions i ask are basically directed at me, so I don't get a thrill out of theme parks, because I don't see the point behind it, but i do not generalise my opinion about theme parks to ppl who do enjoy going to them..

but yea, i've come to realise that life is too short to be doing things for urself..because that is pointless..i mean, it is important to look after ourselves once in a while, but if we just keep doing things for ourselves, it is just pointless..its quite hard to explain it anymore than that..i guess it all comes back to "why has God created us?" and it is explained in the Bible, to worship Him and to adore Him, as He has adored us..

anyway yea, some of you may be thinking there is A HUGE flaw in the reason mentioned above, n that is that God exists..well, IF i wanted to argue from that perspective, I would still say that life is too short to be spending our time wasting it on ourselves..mostly because, i would say i have an extremely high level of altruism (the character of wanting to do good deeds), therefore based of purely scientific analysis, my high level of altruism (or even my phlegmatic personality) explains that I want to use up my time doing something better in my life..

anyway, from a more corporate point of view, just say there is procedures for a worker has to go through in order to do his job and that would be, A) gathering all the stones that he finds B) bringing them back C) seperating ALL the stones D) catergorising ALL the stones E) throwing out all the non-precious stones then continue..so step D seems quite pointless, where all the stones are being catergorised, and what the company is looking for is just precious stones..so yea, swapping step E with D makes the work a whole lot simpler rite?

anyway, that was a bad example but the point is still there..i guess now what i've been doing is that i'm always trying to find a reason why in everything that we do..

so yea, thats that..hope it makes sense..somehow i have this sneaky suspicion that i've already done up a post like that..hmm..

Cheers and God Bless

Dying Breaths of an Inactive Blog ..

yea, it has been inactive, mostly because of the extremely busy nature that i have been living..which actually hasnt been that busy..but yea, havent really found the mood, and its like, dont really have the inspiration to blog anymore, i mean, there is so much to do, and by blogging, i dont think i am really making much of a difference..but it has really been great to release my inner thoughts..

Anyway, if i were to describe my holidays in malaysia (up to this point) in just 1 word, it would be frustration..basically, i am just oh, so frustrated with the way things are being done here, be it family, church, friends, whatever..i mean, so much is expected of me, and the worse part is i have allowed all these expectations affected me..which of course i need to keep reminding myself that God is the one in control, and He has nothing more expected of me but to be an obedient child..so yea, lost sight of that..but yea, part of the frustration is that all my thoughts that are in my mind, i cant seem to share it with anyone, who would be able to understand the problems..the ppl who use to be able to listen are either away, busy with their own life, or changed..

another reason for this frustration is that i've always had this fear that nobody cares about me, and i've always tried to find ways of giving myself and others reasons to care about me, like i've always thought i am inadequate, so that people who look out for me..and well, ppl also always say, "u need to give if u wanna get", and well, ive been giving for quite a long time..so yea, pretty much my worst fears have come true..ppl i thought who actually cared about me dont..but oh well, life goes on, people are hungry and starving in the world, and the love of Jesus is still kept a secret to people of the world..

dont get me wrong, its not that my entire time here has been absolutely bad, i've had really wonderful times too, and im really glad to have a chance to meet up with friends and brothers..re-live the old days and plan for new ones..so here is to all the friends and brothers who have been there for me..and to those of you who "don't care" about me, it's ok, i mean i get it, you are busy, or have other things to do in ur life, i really totally get it..i mean, yes i am angry at the fact that little/no effort has been put into looking out or even looking for me, but i get that i am being quite selfish, and i should give you guys the benefit of the doubt..so i truly mean it when i say, it's ok..so yea, if ur sorry, i forgive u, but if ur not, then please forgive me..

Moral of the story: Never trust a quiet/introverted guy..you just don't know what is going on inside his head..

Cheers and God Bless..

Story of my Life...

K, this post is more of a ranting than my usual stuff..so yea..so here it goes..there is actually only a few things in life that I REALLY enjoy..like seriously few things..one of which would be futsal..like, thats one of the few things that i really find hard saying no to..SO one year over in australia, and the only thing that I really ever looked forward to when i came home would be, of course, to play futsal..so, yea, roughly 3 months ago, i decided to go play futsal with friends in aussieland, and from that game, i managed to injure my knee (of which i think it is one of my ligaments) and so i didnt play ANY sports until i came home, because i thought it would go away..in which it kinda did..

so yea, when i came home, i didnt really play futsal until like, 29th of Dec..so i was all geared up for that, until on the 28th of Dec, i was helping to move a podium off the stage in church, upon which i managed to hit my knee right at the corner of the podium (which is made of solid wood) and pretty much couldn't use my knee at all for that whole day..HOWEVER, that really didnt stop me, as i decided to go out and buy a knee guard so that i can still play..anyway..it did help, but now i cant really play that much futsal or any kind of sport too much, because it does hurt after awhile..

so yea..its like, one of the things that i was really looking forward to do back in malaysia, is something of which i cant do that often anymore..probably will go see a doctor soon to check out what is wrong with it..but yea, it really sucks..

k, maybe this will help you get an idea of why it sucks quite a lot for me (for those of u who dont think this is a big deal) k, so i would say my time is broken up into a few stuff, stuff i need to do, stuff i wanna do, and stuff others need me to do..so yea, in stuff i WANNA do, i usually use that time to hang out with my friends, and pretty much do stuff that everyone wants to do..which would include going to a CC, watching a movie, etc..however, going to a CC is not my thing, as in i dont really enjoy it (like seriously enjoy it) but i am willing to do it cuz i like the interactions that is exchanged..so i would say that in my time for stuff i WANNA do, i would say it would be 80% of the time i am doing stuff that others wanna do..and i pretty much get 20% of the time to just do stuff that i wanna do..and NOW even with that 20%, i cant seem to use it now thanks to my stupid injured knee..

im not complaining that im using up 80% (which by the way is a statistic to exaggerate my point) to do stuff that others wanna do, but im complaining of the fact that my knee is injured, so i cant even fully utilise my 20%..haiz..

Not my will but Yours be done...

Cheers and God Bless

Reopened wounds..

Dear Lord,

did i do what was right? I know in my heart that it is wrong, but I hit the nail square on the head..

Why, oh Lord, doesn't anyone listen to me?

I thought I was changed, looks like I'm not..

I thought I had one last chance to reverse this curse..seems like everyone's just blinded by it..

Maybe it's me..maybe what I've said is wrong? is it? it just doesn't add up logically if it is wrong..

Maybe I should move on..bigger and better things lie ahead, but I choose to stay behind, to come back, only to revert to old ways, and old feelings stir in my heart..

Is this the work of the devil? I pray oh Lord that you protect us from harm..

Why Lord, do i waste so much energy to put up a front, a facade, a mask, in a place where I should be accepted? Is that why I am so bitter inside? I am just not accepted as who I truly am?

People always say, "talk about it, you'll feel better after that.." Well, I've tried..not once, but may times, but things are still the same..

Oh Lord, you know how much I'm trying to change myself..But nobody else notices this..but i guess that is my fault for not sharing it in the first place..but when i do share, it always seems to back fire on me..

Oh Lord, I just want to serve You, but serving You means denying myself, something I am struggling with, I just pray Lord that I am able to do this..and that what others will say does not affect me Lord..

I thank you Lord for giving me a loving family, friends, and organisations that look into my spiritual growth..

I just pray oh Lord that You will be a guiding light in all their lives, and that Your truth will prevail..

Let us not lean on our own understanding but on Your wisdom..

Again I am sorry Lord, for what I've said or done..it may have even reflected badly on You Lord, so here I am begging for Your forgiveness..

Amen

Over-zealous?

Something that has been in my thoughts for quite some time..Mostly when i am serving in the UniSA comm, which is advice that has always been given to us by previous comm or experienced people is to pace ourselves, and not to be over-zealous, because we are students, and we will start out with big plans, but it will never turn out the way we want it to, because everything gets busy and studies will start to crowd our time..

BUT what ive seen with my own eyes is that, everything is achievable as long as we keep our minds on the task and PLAN OUR TIME properly, AND everything checks out with logic and reasoning..it's also a question of motivation..so yea, there is a conflict of interests..the best way to explain this is through an example or 2..in BB, i've had the privilege to be involved with organizing the BB day, which housed about 500 people..SO yes, in organizing the events, we were deciding to do things that were out of the norm, yet keeping the same traditions, so that people would experience new things..anyway, in our meetings, we had many ideas, some even far fetched, unachievable, of which we decided as a committee to go with anything that we found interesting AND had significance to the day..so we did have ideas that were, not all that logical to do, but we did it, because we planned out our time really well..in the end, i do believe most people enjoyed their time they had on that day..

there are actually many factors that are involved in planning or organizing anything,..but most importantly is the importance of the activity or the event. If the thing we plan to do is does not follow the general theme or calling, then there is little reason you should do such a thing..

not too sure if you guys get what im talking about, not really thinking straight, am a little sick, so yea..but yea, this has been bugging me, and i realized that i havent been really blogging much..so yea..haha..

Cheers and God Bless

Thanks to those who wished..

K first of all, i just want to say thanks to those who wished me, but don't noe why you guys did so, cuz i dont have a birthday..

well, the purpose i say that is because, i really dont see the point in celebrating..i guess its because ever since i was young my parents never celebrated my birthday, as in had a party for me, except like, once, which i recall having a really terrible time, because my sister invited most of her friends, i think, and she pretty much had all the fun..selfish no? or should i say jealous, being that i didnt want anyone to have more fun than me..

so anyway, from that point on, i never really had birthdays, and eventually i started to reject the idea that i even need to have a birthday..

so yes, this is some of the logic (it may not even seem logical to you, but it is my reasoning as to why i choose not to celebrate my birthday) first it comes to, why do we celebrate birthdays? to remember and to cherish people? so yea, i dont see the point in only doing that for just a single day in the whole year..next, i dont see the point of a person to go around telling other people when their birthdays are, because it is pretty, self-centred, in my opinion, because, if u are special enough, people WILL choose to remember your birthday..u dont need to go remind ppl..its like saying, "hey! im special! come remember me!!"

next, to be honest, i really dont think it is such a good use of our time..i mean, we can use that time to save lives..win souls..but yea, again, to be honest its not like we are always doing that too..so its not wrong to celebrate a birthday..just dont see the point..

So again, thanks for the wishes, really means a lot..

Cheers and God Bless

A story of a story?

K, first of all, i must clarify, the bible is not a story..in a sense that it is not fabricated, but it is the truth..So yes, read about this story in my devotional material (haha, the song Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday just ended) and saw this video from a friends blog..and well, it really got me thinking..why do we need to retell the same story but in a different context?

Well, what can be seen from this video is that it is to give people (i guess people who are not christians or dormant christians) an idea of what God went through..But what i would say that i must mention is that Jesus did not "fall" into such a situation, and God was not given such a hard choice, but God CHOSE to send His only begotten son..i think it is important to mention this is because, if the point of this whole video is so that we are able to understand the hurt God went through, it is much more of a difficult choice when you know what you have to do, and plan and tell your son about the plan and then send him and watch him suffer..in this vid, the father suddenly was given a choice to make with not much time left to think..

And from there, here is a question that comes to my mind, "so after watching a video like this, what do you feel? and is that enough?" i mean yea, you go, "aww.." or even reflect on what you've just saw..but then what? does it really change your life? if it does then great! (not being sarcastic) but my main question is, does knowing what God has gone through really help YOU? well, it should, because then we are able to understand the magnitude of God's love for us..

So from there we need to take it to the next step..how? following His word and commandments, which are Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength and love your neighbour as yourself (Matt 22:37-40)..fortunately or unfortunately, it is as simple as that..and the sad thing is, we don't do these commandments..

to be fair to this video, it is a great video, which really does it's job..but my post is really more directed to what we should do after watch a video like this..because after a vid like this, you will feel something inside, and what should be done with that feeling..and yes, i am speaking from experience, in a sense that this is what i've learnt from my experience and wish to share with you guys (I really dont want to give the impression that what i've experienced is right and others is wrong, it is just my experience)..

sometime last year, i did have a thought "I wonder how God felt when He saw Jesus suffer and died..if i could imagine just a glimpse of what He felt.." and i did pray about it..so one day my dad came back with this adorable (i dont want to use the word 'cute') little miniture poodle puppy..she was only the size of my palm..and we decided to name her Mocha (if you're wondering what she looked like, click on the link)..she just grew on me instantly, and i could just spend hours with her, even when she slept, i just couldnt leave her..cuz she would wake up and start whimpering..anyway, one day she fell sick, ironically it was an illness which is contracted by other dogs and there is no cure, only a vaccine which she was supposed to get in a weeks time..so we took her to the vet and the vet said that we had to put her to sleep..i mean, it really hurts..it still hurts..but yea, didnt really understand why, until one day i was at youth camp, during an alter call, where it finally hit me..God answered my prayer..

its quite beautiful if you realize it, God's love for us..but yea, if you did get such a revelation after watching the video or even reading my story, i really just hope that you would either dig deeper and find out more.. or if you really know what all this is about, then i just hope and pray that you would do something about it..

Cheers and God Bless