Yea, I noe the title is grammatically wrong..but it sounds cool! think i should try poetry..might help foster my lyric writing (to those who don't noe, i've tried writing songs, but the lyrics sound weird and some of which dont really rhyme)..
Anyway, yea, i just couldn't take it anymore..i've been too distracted about writing a post on this blog rather than doing my assignment..and MAN how i wished i could write when i wanted to..at the moment i have no inspiration to write about anything, but i still want to..but yea, its been hectic, probably won't write again until like, 24 November, exams end then..
anyway, just to share what i've learnt from being here..the science of commenting..being that i've been in quite a number of situations where i've needed to give my input on situations, usually it involves around organizing things or even character building..anyway, i've almost always had to give a comment on how to do things or how to improve..so from what i've learnt is that being genuine all d time is not productive in building a person..
alright, u noe how they say when u are giving criticism, you need to give positive criticism, which is giving a compliment or giving good feedback first before you give d "bad" evaluation..well, i realized that it doesnt work..here is how it doesnt work..k, u noe how after you do something, for instence playing drums for worship, then people come to u and they say, "good job!" or "you did great!" but u dont really listen to them, because these are ppl who always say the same thing every time u play drums..i'm not saying that they dont mean it, they do, but they say that because they may not play drums, so to them u did sound good..
so yea, the only reason u dont listen to them is because they are not drummers, and u would like to get praise from ppl who noe drums rite? In the same way, when u use positive criticism, ppl will disregard the first part of your comment..and from there they will only take the "bad" part of the comment..
K, i've used inverted commas twice for the word 'bad'..why do i say the "bad" part? this is something ben brought to my attention, that ppl dont like to be evaluated or judged..not everyone anyway..what ppl in general dont like is getting bad judgements..so, when ppl ignore the praise or the positive side of the comment, because we might see it as a cover-up for the bad part, they just listen to the "bad" part and that leads them to feel that they are being judged all the time..
and That is not Christian at all..BUT at the same time we need to build one another up, rite? How to refute someone who is doing something wrong without them feeling judged? that is something i dare not even attempt to answer..BUT i will give u a case scenario..i am co-bible study leader with a person (let's call that person 'A') So, it is A's first time leading, and A is a pretty good leader, but he/she is pretty nervous, and for the first bible study meeting that A leads didn't turn out that well..and so we did our own evaluation about how it went, and we give feedback and comments on what to improve on..d 2nd time A leads he/she didnt do too well again, because he/she was nervous, again..again, evaluation we gave our feedback..afther that week, I decided to stop giving feedback, because the underlying reason A is nervous is because he/she doesn't want to be judged and i realised that giving our comments or feedback is not helping the situation..SO the 3rd time A led, he/she did a really good job..during the evaluation, i just said that he/she did a fantastic job, even though there is some criticism to be given, but it was counter-productive..
from there, i learnt that if u want to build a person up, u dont have to always give your opinion or even feedback..this is VERY applicable to BB life, and mentorship in a church..you need to be able to read the other person's needs really well, and understand the underlying problems (hmm, sounds quite psych-ish) but that is what is needed..it is a science to study the intricacies of criticism or commentting..
Cheers and God Bless..
4 comments:
good post. one of the contradicting things in life. we are expected to be encouraging and to build ppl up. but yet at the same time we're not "allowed" to give constructive critisism which in fact does that. and i think constructive critisism is where you tell the person where they've gone wrong, but you tell them how to fix it or make it better. but like i said, not everyone likes to be told they're wrong. stuff like this you can only tell a person who is open minded enough to receive it i guess.
and i think that if you cant give ur genuine thoughts on certain things, then possibly don't give it. i mean no point giving false praise/hope or whatever la. don't be fake la basically. if it's not true, don't say it. so if someone did smth not well, and they can't take critisism, don't say anything to the person. don't let them think it's ok when it's not. get my drift?
ya k. that's all i wanna say. my thoughts on the matter. i have Relient K's song lyrics in my head. i don't think it's relevant but i'll just leave it as an end.
"Opinions are immunity to being told you're wrong"
i start writting reviews for novels actually last couple of weeks. theres avery thin line between words of encouragement and critisizing. its not the input that matters but rather how u input it...
now lets take this scenario... someone is playing in church... u felt he was ok... juz ok but its their first time...u tink they need criticism
at times ppl who do not know their flaws wun know their flaws until told to them... I am one of them tobe honest thats y i tink logically and openly
constructive criticism is also about giving ur opinion that u feel that could be better rather than saying up in their face... hey u did this wrong here... it is A major rather den A minor
for example
A plays quite allright but he has a few flaws. Do you say to him its good but i think that it can be better if you had.... or its good but u need to ....
The word 'i think' is the key... coz its not in anyway critisizing but rather its a way to express ur opinion.... whether or not he takes the 'advise' its up to him, he may think that ur advise is good or other wise but at the same time its not criticism in any way
the one thing i learnt when commenting on other peoples work on writing novels is that try not to push that it is a bad novel but rather express ur own opinion over it...
^ ur friend really knows what he's talking abt. it's like the words came out of my head. lol. awesome. but lol i think agreeing with him jus cuz he's in line with what i think would be just unfair. lol.
haha, yea, first of all i really would like to thank you guys for replying..and 2nd of all, i would say i do agree with what you guys share..
here is my point though..of all the types of criticisms that there is, constructive is possibly the best there is. BUT what I am saying is that we need to be able to read what the person truly needs, and not to just give constructive criticism to the person and hope for the best..
yes, it all boils down to the person's personality, as both of you have mentioned..where a person NEEDS to be open to criticism..my post is directed to the people who ARE not open to criticism or they look really highly onto you (seeking approval from you)..as I mentioned in my post, it is directed to BB life (for chin: in BB we pretty much build character of EVERYONE who joins, and try to shape them to be a person of caliber)so being that you are a person "on top of them" and you give a bad review, it can pretty much be quite devastating..
if you are wondering why EVEN bother with such people, well its because in God's eyes, all are equal..just because a person doesnt react well to criticism doesnt mean that person is not living in sin and does not need to be saved..
but yea, i do agree with you guys..thanks again for sharing!
Cheers and God Bless
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