HA..started la now.....

yea, emoing again..and yea, being here in australia for quite some time now, i think it is safe to say that i can come to a conclusion that no matter how strong u are, or should i say no matter how detached you are from friends n family, you will still miss certain aspects of them..

k, before i came here, my uncle told me that i will go through homesickness or some kind of syndrome, which i forgot the term but yea it has 4 stages to it.. it was that when i reached adelaide, i would be super high for quite some time which is the 1st stage, then moves into falling into a deep depression for quite some time, then the next stage should be me getting use to life here, and d final stage is im alright, as in im settled in..

anyway yea, what i've noticed about myself is that i dont really go through these stages properly (before i continue on, i must say i am no psychologist to come up with this conclusion, and what im saying is what i see about myself) yea, so when i first came, yea i was kinda high, and which i went straight into doing stuff which is me getting use to life..it could be that im still in d 1st stage..anyway, i will admit i did miss home after that (k, all those ppl who keep asking me d SAME question OVER and OVER again, here is ur answer..)but i must admit that i didnt miss my family, cuz i dont think i still appreciate them enough (yes im a bad son)..

so yea, i did get over it, mostly because i did talk to certain ppl, and got emails from d ppl i missed d most, which really made me feel better..was moving along alright, getting back to getting use to life, but NOW im startting to emo again, cuz yea i got my issues, and i do miss ppl back home (d same ppl) and now i really am starting to appreciate my family..

anyway, im getting fed up that i keep emoing..mostly d reason y im emoing is cuz im beating myself up for not being able to perform d best that i can..it is really affecting me, but yea no one can help me now..im tired of the fact that im never good enough, based on my judgements, and d worse part is that i tend to project my expectations of myself as also what God wants me to be like..im tired of being judged my others, and also judging others..i noe we always say things like, "you can share with confidence, and you wont be judged" but i noe that it is not true, cuz deep down in our heart we do judge, i can see it in ppl when they make a judgement..i do it to..

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
We're both such magnifacent liars.
So crush me baby, I'm all ears.

~ You Know How I Do - Taking Back Sunday~

i think that is it.. im tired of being nice all the time..cuz when im nice, what it means is that im not allowing myself to act as what i truly believe..FOR example, you noe how i end my posts with a lot of, "if u think this post is about you, it isnt.."? yea, im tired of not writing about ppl that are bugging me, cuz i dont want to hurt their feelings, well, yea i am tired of walking on egg shells all d time..im tired of masking up..yea, im just sick of being tired, and tired of being sick...just like d line of that song..

so yea, what is this post about? it is about my inadequacies AND it is about ppl passing judgement..this post is talking about EVERYBODY who passes judgement..i NOE i do..and well, if you think this post doesnt affect you, so be it..if it does, think again..u sure im talking about you?

a disclaimer that i thought of a little later then when i posted this..not everyone i've met my whole life is judgmental..so, if u really dont think this post is about u, it isnt..

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:7

Cheers and God Bless..