Excuses...

u can say that im like one of the greatest ppl to come up with an excuse..well, most ppl do come up with excuses..well, there are many reasons as to why they come up with their excuses..but for me, n i think the general population, i come up with excuses cuz im protecting my self-esteem..like seriously..my whole life, i've never lived up to my parents expectations, which in turn became my expectations..so yea, the fact that i had high expectations and were never able to achieve them, makes a person think that they are sooo useless that they cant do anything..moral of the story? dont make high expectations..but that itself is not a good thing, where if u dont make high expectations, u wont push urself, and u wouldnt see that many records broken, now would we?

but yea, over the years of making excuses..i've felt better believing that i would have been able to catch the mace (for those who dont noe what a mace is:

if the sun wasnt in my eye, and therefore not have this huge bump on my head..however it didnt change the fact that the mace did hit my head..so now, i dont really believe in my excuses anymore, i do still come up with them, habitual problem..what made me start thinking is watching people who are handicapped, physically and mentally, i mean these ppl ARE handicapped for life, but some of them just continue life with what ever they have..which made me think.."So what if i have low self-esteem?" it is just a handicap..go through life with whatever u have left of you..of course in a way, i am not really solving the problem, just running away..but who noes, maybe i will get through it..

on a separate note, more on my current situation..am not doing too well at the moment..so i trying to blog about it to see if i will feel better after talking about it..so yea..we will see..again, am just emoing..about wat? haha..self-esteem issues.. so let's see if i am able to continue with life..

man, i miss jo..anyway, happy birthday..time is relative, haha..

cheers..

Another controversial post?

Inspiration has struck! well, it always strikes me, but it struck me at the right time!

Anyway, this post is kind of like an advice and also kinda like what i've done or the person I am..k, y do i call it controversial, well after talking about this topic, im sure some of you are totally gonna disagree with everything i write, but hey, we are all entitled to our opinions, and well, different ppl have different personalities, and have different ways of coping with problems..

so yea, what im going to talk about is, being alone..
So yea, i guess, we should not only learn how to socialize and make friends, but also learn to be alone..like for me, an anti social, which already indicates that im introverted by nature, and now im going off to a different country, not knowing the people around me there..to some people this is scary, but to me, its like, i dont feel anything..i am actually just looking forward to going there to do my studies..its not that i wont miss all u guys here in Malaysia, but its just that when u learn to be alone, the homesickness doesnt affect you as much..

I've moved around a lot, and it took me a few years for me to really fit in, socially, when by the time i do, i have to move again, so that is where my anti social-ness comes from..k, im not saying that u shouldnt make friends, although u need to noe d risk of making friends..u WILL get hurt by them, somehow..they MAY backstab u, they may even just die (for those who are superstitious, touch wood)..k, am not trying to scare u guys, or even convince u to live a lonely life, but this is the facts of life..when u make a friend, u MUST be prepared to get hurt..pain makes u stronger..not sure where i heard that, but it is true..

alone time is mostly when you start to look at your surroundings and reflect on urself, which helps u get to noe urself better..also, it depends on ur lifestyle, like for me, my friends are all like, busy, live too far away, studying outstation or overseas, and im not close to my neighbours, cuz they are too young, too old, n those my age are screwed up..so im forced to be alone, and if u havent learnt to be alone, u will start spite-ing ur friends cuz they are all too busy for u, then u start thinking, "i have such lousy friends, they dont even care about me"..honestly, life now isnt cheap, esp with the economic downfall, money is hard to come by..so hanging out is going to start being a problem..but anyway, that is just my case, im pretty sure there are other reasons or situations..

not sure about u all la, but for me, i really cant stand all of societies rules, n norms that are set..as i have ranted about in a previous post..but yea, u dont see these stuff if ur always socializing..when u take a step out and u analyze why all these stuff happens, then only u realize..well, of course not saying that social norms are bad, just that i cant stand it some times..but alas, 1 person cant change society..he/she can influence others and the whole groups can change it, but thats about the only way i can think of how society can change..

k, im running out of things to say/write about, so in conclusion, wat im NOT trying to say that we should all live our lives alone, as we are social creatures, and we can go crazy from being alone ALL the time..but im saying that we should be prepared to be alone, as i watch my grandparents, both of them dont have any friends of their age anymore that lives near by to visit, they are always alone (of course they are living with their sons, so its not that bad) but at times they are ever soo lonely, and i admire them for just being able to survive the lonely moments..

Nothing (worldly) lasts forever. Things only last as long as you can hold on to them.

Learn to be alone, that way u can enjoy ur surroundings more..


Cheers

another bored-out-of-my-mind-post, and it's the first of 2009...

like seriously, no more classes till i go off..cant practice for a concert that is happening on the 8th of February, finger is already going to drop off..so its like, super stoning time..oo, i cant even sleep, cuz my sleeping pattern is like that of a battery..it is like when im super tired, i can sleep for 12 hours..my usual hours are like, 10 where i wont wake up cranky that often la..but yea, if im not tired, i can sleep only for like, 8 hours..which sucks..like today, i wanted to wake up at like, 10 am, but instead i woke up at 9, n i couldnt go back to sleep..n, for those who noe me, i REALLY dont like my schedule getting messed..

so what should i talk about? something philosophical? cant really think of something that is bugging me now, as i have already talk about all that before, n also ppl have complained that they dont get what im talking about..haha..what have i been up to? well, if i did something interesting, i wouldn't have started this post with that title would i? will write when i get the inspiration to..had a few during d week, but it is not here now..

o, n i noe some ppl (ppl like jo), are going to like suggest things for me to do, which i dont mind..but just dont get upset or affected that i dont do it..maybe my real problem is that im always not in the mood to do stuff..hmm..so a summary is that im bored, but im too lazy to do anything..good job caleb!!


Cheers