Those who have been following my blog posts from the beginning, you know that I've been talking about these soo many times, that even I'm getting sick of it..but yet again, i need an outlet to release my repression of my feelings..SO yes..this time it is more reflective than me complaining of the fact that im tired of always masking up..im surrounded by lovely ppl..i mean these are ppl who really look out for me, and just want to help me (of course im talking about a certain few, if u genuinely care for me, u are the certain few) so yea, when u meet these ppl, 1st question asked is "so how have you been?"what i want to know is what do you guys answer? is it "fine", "great" or do u tell them how u are actually doing? k, im not saying that u always give a false answer, but im asking when ur not feel great or awesome, do u tell d truth or do u just give an answer to not get ppl to worry about you? i mean, for me, i will answer, "alright" cuz i dont want to tell the person how im feeling, cuz usually when i do, i have to explain the whole story and i dont really want to..
k, this is my experience, someone asks me how am i, and i answer not good..so think about what is the logical reaction, cuz the fact that im comfortable enough to confide in you that im not feeling good makes u think that we are close, cuz it is within our customs to only share how we truly feel with close friends or family..SO, when u hear me say im not feeling alright, u will then ask the next question, "how come?" and that compels me to answer that question..
the problem is, we are making small talk, and i dont want to go into any deep discussions about how im feeling, im just answering a question truthfully..k, why cant i just say that i dont want to talk about it when u ask d 2nd question? well, it depends on context..sometimes, i AM supposed to be sharing certain things with certain ppl, but im just not that close with them..sometimes, based on what i said earlier, when i give that answer, it would contridict what was assumed earlier, that we are close (mentioned in the paragraph above this) and this might lead you to feel weird (or it may not, cuz i dunno what is going through ur head) but it makes the moment in time pretty awkward, cuz patterns of conversations usually start off pretty shallow and moves into more deeper topics and generally it doesn't work the other way..so by saying things aren't alright, i've made d convo a deep one, and then saying i dont want to talk about it makes it hard to bring it back to a more shallow topic..
so is wearing social masks a wrong thing? honestly, i dont noe any more..but from what i learnt, it is nessacary to avoid social awkwardness..in a sense, social interactions have not evolved to the level that im picturing, where u can tell people ur not doing alright and they understand that they dont have to probe into finding out why..cuz the only reason i told u im not doing alright is because im telling u d truth..not because i want u to find out what is wrong..
k, if ur wondering if this post is inspired by any interactions we have had, well, it might be, n it might not..honestly i cant remember which ppl i've talked to and experienced what i have, but take comfort that i always wear a mask, and i try my absolute best to tell the truth all the time..which is why i always use words that are quite ambigous like, "im doing alright" (k, when i use alright, im saying that i am not feeling rock bottom) "good enough" and many more examples..im not even sure if what i've said is biblical, or is right in God's eyes, but i don't really see anything wrong, if you do, please do tell me..so till then, i will mask up, only because i dont want to trouble you..(btw, this entire post is about ppl who im not close with..if im close with u, then it is not about u..)
Cheers and God Bless
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