yea, it has been inactive, mostly because of the extremely busy nature that i have been living..which actually hasnt been that busy..but yea, havent really found the mood, and its like, dont really have the inspiration to blog anymore, i mean, there is so much to do, and by blogging, i dont think i am really making much of a difference..but it has really been great to release my inner thoughts..
Anyway, if i were to describe my holidays in malaysia (up to this point) in just 1 word, it would be frustration..basically, i am just oh, so frustrated with the way things are being done here, be it family, church, friends, whatever..i mean, so much is expected of me, and the worse part is i have allowed all these expectations affected me..which of course i need to keep reminding myself that God is the one in control, and He has nothing more expected of me but to be an obedient child..so yea, lost sight of that..but yea, part of the frustration is that all my thoughts that are in my mind, i cant seem to share it with anyone, who would be able to understand the problems..the ppl who use to be able to listen are either away, busy with their own life, or changed..
another reason for this frustration is that i've always had this fear that nobody cares about me, and i've always tried to find ways of giving myself and others reasons to care about me, like i've always thought i am inadequate, so that people who look out for me..and well, ppl also always say, "u need to give if u wanna get", and well, ive been giving for quite a long time..so yea, pretty much my worst fears have come true..ppl i thought who actually cared about me dont..but oh well, life goes on, people are hungry and starving in the world, and the love of Jesus is still kept a secret to people of the world..
dont get me wrong, its not that my entire time here has been absolutely bad, i've had really wonderful times too, and im really glad to have a chance to meet up with friends and brothers..re-live the old days and plan for new ones..so here is to all the friends and brothers who have been there for me..and to those of you who "don't care" about me, it's ok, i mean i get it, you are busy, or have other things to do in ur life, i really totally get it..i mean, yes i am angry at the fact that little/no effort has been put into looking out or even looking for me, but i get that i am being quite selfish, and i should give you guys the benefit of the doubt..so i truly mean it when i say, it's ok..so yea, if ur sorry, i forgive u, but if ur not, then please forgive me..
Moral of the story: Never trust a quiet/introverted guy..you just don't know what is going on inside his head..
Cheers and God Bless..
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