Reopened wounds..

Dear Lord,

did i do what was right? I know in my heart that it is wrong, but I hit the nail square on the head..

Why, oh Lord, doesn't anyone listen to me?

I thought I was changed, looks like I'm not..

I thought I had one last chance to reverse this curse..seems like everyone's just blinded by it..

Maybe it's me..maybe what I've said is wrong? is it? it just doesn't add up logically if it is wrong..

Maybe I should move on..bigger and better things lie ahead, but I choose to stay behind, to come back, only to revert to old ways, and old feelings stir in my heart..

Is this the work of the devil? I pray oh Lord that you protect us from harm..

Why Lord, do i waste so much energy to put up a front, a facade, a mask, in a place where I should be accepted? Is that why I am so bitter inside? I am just not accepted as who I truly am?

People always say, "talk about it, you'll feel better after that.." Well, I've tried..not once, but may times, but things are still the same..

Oh Lord, you know how much I'm trying to change myself..But nobody else notices this..but i guess that is my fault for not sharing it in the first place..but when i do share, it always seems to back fire on me..

Oh Lord, I just want to serve You, but serving You means denying myself, something I am struggling with, I just pray Lord that I am able to do this..and that what others will say does not affect me Lord..

I thank you Lord for giving me a loving family, friends, and organisations that look into my spiritual growth..

I just pray oh Lord that You will be a guiding light in all their lives, and that Your truth will prevail..

Let us not lean on our own understanding but on Your wisdom..

Again I am sorry Lord, for what I've said or done..it may have even reflected badly on You Lord, so here I am begging for Your forgiveness..

Amen

Over-zealous?

Something that has been in my thoughts for quite some time..Mostly when i am serving in the UniSA comm, which is advice that has always been given to us by previous comm or experienced people is to pace ourselves, and not to be over-zealous, because we are students, and we will start out with big plans, but it will never turn out the way we want it to, because everything gets busy and studies will start to crowd our time..

BUT what ive seen with my own eyes is that, everything is achievable as long as we keep our minds on the task and PLAN OUR TIME properly, AND everything checks out with logic and reasoning..it's also a question of motivation..so yea, there is a conflict of interests..the best way to explain this is through an example or 2..in BB, i've had the privilege to be involved with organizing the BB day, which housed about 500 people..SO yes, in organizing the events, we were deciding to do things that were out of the norm, yet keeping the same traditions, so that people would experience new things..anyway, in our meetings, we had many ideas, some even far fetched, unachievable, of which we decided as a committee to go with anything that we found interesting AND had significance to the day..so we did have ideas that were, not all that logical to do, but we did it, because we planned out our time really well..in the end, i do believe most people enjoyed their time they had on that day..

there are actually many factors that are involved in planning or organizing anything,..but most importantly is the importance of the activity or the event. If the thing we plan to do is does not follow the general theme or calling, then there is little reason you should do such a thing..

not too sure if you guys get what im talking about, not really thinking straight, am a little sick, so yea..but yea, this has been bugging me, and i realized that i havent been really blogging much..so yea..haha..

Cheers and God Bless

Thanks to those who wished..

K first of all, i just want to say thanks to those who wished me, but don't noe why you guys did so, cuz i dont have a birthday..

well, the purpose i say that is because, i really dont see the point in celebrating..i guess its because ever since i was young my parents never celebrated my birthday, as in had a party for me, except like, once, which i recall having a really terrible time, because my sister invited most of her friends, i think, and she pretty much had all the fun..selfish no? or should i say jealous, being that i didnt want anyone to have more fun than me..

so anyway, from that point on, i never really had birthdays, and eventually i started to reject the idea that i even need to have a birthday..

so yes, this is some of the logic (it may not even seem logical to you, but it is my reasoning as to why i choose not to celebrate my birthday) first it comes to, why do we celebrate birthdays? to remember and to cherish people? so yea, i dont see the point in only doing that for just a single day in the whole year..next, i dont see the point of a person to go around telling other people when their birthdays are, because it is pretty, self-centred, in my opinion, because, if u are special enough, people WILL choose to remember your birthday..u dont need to go remind ppl..its like saying, "hey! im special! come remember me!!"

next, to be honest, i really dont think it is such a good use of our time..i mean, we can use that time to save lives..win souls..but yea, again, to be honest its not like we are always doing that too..so its not wrong to celebrate a birthday..just dont see the point..

So again, thanks for the wishes, really means a lot..

Cheers and God Bless