24 hours countdown..

1 Samuel 7:12 - Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the Lord helped us".

24 hours till i start my new chapter..

am i nervous? am i sad? happy? which emotion??! said i said before, im nostalgic..looking forward to going, but am sad that im leaving..but the good news is that i will come back..

about the Bible verse, the story behind it is that the Israelites just fought off their enemies who tried to invade..Mizpah and Shen are places, towns if im not mistaken..anyway, it was like the first pic that i saw, and it had a Bible verse, so i read up on it..but yea, God has really helped me a lot, times where i just dont deserve it at all..this verse is a reassuring verse, where i've been feeling rather scared that i will falter and give in to sin, cuz i noe im really weak when it comes to saying no to certain things..which is why i've always said no to the beginning and stayed away..

anyway, this verse helped me realize that God has been through it all with me, and has pulled me through the toughest of times, so far..

oo, also, really just want to thank everyone who came for my farewell dinner, as i was really touched by ur presence, being that it was on Valentine's day, and it was rather last minute..

oo, n thank you andrew for the sweater and the CD! will get u something from here..maybe TBS soon to be out album..haha..

thats all from me, see u in as soon as i can!

p.s. i packed my bag in like, an hour, with my mum's help of course, and my estimation on the weight was dead on the money! haha..

Cheers..

the feeling known as nostalgia..

well, by definition, nostalgia is a mixed feeling that u get when u look back to the past and remember stuff, events or ppl..but im feeling nostalgic about leaving..which i honestly dont get why..

i mean, i was quite excited to go to a different place and learn the culture there, and i still am, but now im also like feeling sad cuz im leaving the things and ppl i love behind..but why? im only not going to see them for 9 months or something like that..well, that is what im trying to convince myself into believing..looks like, even i wont fall for my own tricks..haha..i think it is cuz of the fact of that i have to say goodbye..ish, need to convince myself that there is also hello's in my future..

haiz..it started when i got my plane ticket today, thats when i think it finally hit me..also reinforced when i finished RM 10 within 1hour SMS-ing ppl the date that im leaving..

Oh Lord, i know i have been distant from You. Please help me to maintain my relationship with You, oh Lord..This i pray..

Cheers..

(p.s. i found the pics really funny..haha)

A Town Called Hypocrisy

Quite a famous song..but also it is something that i see everyday..

if u noe me well enough, u noe that i just HATE hypocrisy..if u say 1 thing, u better do it..no 2 ways about that..of course there are given circumstances..like, u promise to meet me at 1pm, but arrive at 2pm, n u got caught in a jam..that is fine..

the sad part of it all is that I myself practice hypocrisy, n i guess that is why i look soo lowly upon myself..sometimes it is just convenient for me to just be a hypocrite..makes my life sooo much easier..

so in a step to try to figure out how to overcome hypocrisy, 1 is to just dont say anything at all, or state ur morals and values, so that when u do break ur morals or go against it..no one can look down upon u..

well, after stating that, one starts to question, "is hypocrisy just not doing what u believe in or is it creating a false belief in other people?" the answer does seem a little obvious, but if u think about it a little more, u realize that if someone believes that the latter is entitled to believe so..because if u think about the meaning of hypocrisy, it CAN or MOST LIKELY involves another party other than urself..it can be you, and your friend, u and God or something like that..

so yea, if u dont say anything, or have very loose morals or is indifferent about most topics, then you cant be called a hypocrite cuz there is no first grounds to base ur actions on..i've observed this from ppl like ben, who have kept things to himself, and when u see him do something that is uncharacteristic, u cant go to him and say "HA! you hypocrite!" (i asked ben and he is fine with me using his name, however he would like to state that the reason he keeps things to himself is not to avoid hypocrisy but for other undisclosed reasons)

i do use that strategy to avoid hypocrisy, where if u notice, i word my sentences in such a way that i am ambiguous, and cannot be quoted, for example, if im supposed to meet u somewhere, i will say "k, i will reach roughly at 1pm" or "I MIGHT reach at 1pm"

the problem with this strategy is that ppl have morals and values, even if they dont want to..and of course ppl have the innate desire to talk and say things to sound like some superhero to try to be on other ppls good side..k, to lessen the confusion, I say im a punctual person..but i arrive late for a lot of events..y do i say im punctual? so that other ppl who hear me say that would think highly of me..

i guess another strategy is to embrace the fact that u are a hypocrite..well not all the time of course..but at least it does give ppl a fair warning about u and your actions..but if only the ppl were that simple..

yet again, sorry for such a messy post..i actually kinda like forced myself to post this, cuz it was high time for me to post something..dont get me wrong, i did want to write about this..it is one of the highest things on my list i wanted to post about..just that i cant think of wat i really want to say now..will edit it when i do think of wat i really want to say..

Cheers

pay respect to where it is due..

BB seriously is a great organization, where u get to see what working life would be like, as u have different characters, and from there u get to see how they handle managerial positions..

1 common thing i see with them and also some older ppl, who think they know everything..and with their "experience" they always say stuff like, "o if i was in charge, u wouldnt get this problem" or "back in my day........" whatever la..a few things i feel these ppl dont give credit to is that if they were to work in a team, then their teammates deserve to get some of the credit, cuz they are of capable ppl or of skill..for example, just say ferguson retires (hope not anytime soon) and he tells his son, " when i was ur age, i won 21 league titles". I feel Ferguson should go on to say "thanks to my capable team and ronaldo for all the goals and skills he has"

get it? it is because of other ppl, u get the success..when u say that to ppl like me, who are learning or are currently conducting managerial positions, u need to noe 1 thing, the team that is being worked with is either new, in which everyone is incapable to work together, or there is personality defects..

honestly, i just cant stand it when ppl come to me and say stuff like i could have organized something better..i get that these ppl are trying to help me improve by giving me criticism, but when i do refute their points, they dont except what i've just said and then give indirect comments to say that " u suck at organizing events"..then they go on to say, " during my time...."

when they say things like that, they are comparing my situation to their ideal situation, where they had the best team that was present..compared to me, working with ppl for the first time, learning their weaknesses and strengths, and yes, going through problems, in which apparently could have been avoided if the older ppl were in charge during their days..i ask u this question, who do u think is better (in terms of individual strength)? the leader who has the best team to work with, and gets the event organized, or the leader who works with a bunch of random ppl, fixes their mistakes, teaches them the right way, when facing a problem, gets the event organized to the best it can be..

if ur like the first leader, please give credit to your team..im quite sure that they could have done the job without u, because they noe u well enough to noe what decisions ur gonna make..dont go around parading that u are such a great leader..if u trained ur teammates since the beginning, then u can say ur good at training, but it still doesnt make u that great, cuz ur still always working in that 1 team, or situation..u dont fit urself to the situation..and if these kind of person (also is head strong) goes into a new senario, what happens when he or she is asked to organize something, he or she will cause other ppl to either a) the other ppl will conform their actions to suit the style of the leader, or b) quit and be replaced with someone else who shares the same beliefs and work ethics as the leader..so in the end, they havetheir ideal situation..and they cause others to suffer or be uncomfortable with them..

in terms of practicality, i feel that the 2nd leader is what should be aspired to be because we do live in a fast-pace world, where ppl change their jobs every few years, well with the economy crisis looming, this might change..but yea..i still feel that the 2nd leader is a more versatile leader and i guess it makes it easy to move around..

Cheers

Excuses...

u can say that im like one of the greatest ppl to come up with an excuse..well, most ppl do come up with excuses..well, there are many reasons as to why they come up with their excuses..but for me, n i think the general population, i come up with excuses cuz im protecting my self-esteem..like seriously..my whole life, i've never lived up to my parents expectations, which in turn became my expectations..so yea, the fact that i had high expectations and were never able to achieve them, makes a person think that they are sooo useless that they cant do anything..moral of the story? dont make high expectations..but that itself is not a good thing, where if u dont make high expectations, u wont push urself, and u wouldnt see that many records broken, now would we?

but yea, over the years of making excuses..i've felt better believing that i would have been able to catch the mace (for those who dont noe what a mace is:

if the sun wasnt in my eye, and therefore not have this huge bump on my head..however it didnt change the fact that the mace did hit my head..so now, i dont really believe in my excuses anymore, i do still come up with them, habitual problem..what made me start thinking is watching people who are handicapped, physically and mentally, i mean these ppl ARE handicapped for life, but some of them just continue life with what ever they have..which made me think.."So what if i have low self-esteem?" it is just a handicap..go through life with whatever u have left of you..of course in a way, i am not really solving the problem, just running away..but who noes, maybe i will get through it..

on a separate note, more on my current situation..am not doing too well at the moment..so i trying to blog about it to see if i will feel better after talking about it..so yea..we will see..again, am just emoing..about wat? haha..self-esteem issues.. so let's see if i am able to continue with life..

man, i miss jo..anyway, happy birthday..time is relative, haha..

cheers..

Another controversial post?

Inspiration has struck! well, it always strikes me, but it struck me at the right time!

Anyway, this post is kind of like an advice and also kinda like what i've done or the person I am..k, y do i call it controversial, well after talking about this topic, im sure some of you are totally gonna disagree with everything i write, but hey, we are all entitled to our opinions, and well, different ppl have different personalities, and have different ways of coping with problems..

so yea, what im going to talk about is, being alone..
So yea, i guess, we should not only learn how to socialize and make friends, but also learn to be alone..like for me, an anti social, which already indicates that im introverted by nature, and now im going off to a different country, not knowing the people around me there..to some people this is scary, but to me, its like, i dont feel anything..i am actually just looking forward to going there to do my studies..its not that i wont miss all u guys here in Malaysia, but its just that when u learn to be alone, the homesickness doesnt affect you as much..

I've moved around a lot, and it took me a few years for me to really fit in, socially, when by the time i do, i have to move again, so that is where my anti social-ness comes from..k, im not saying that u shouldnt make friends, although u need to noe d risk of making friends..u WILL get hurt by them, somehow..they MAY backstab u, they may even just die (for those who are superstitious, touch wood)..k, am not trying to scare u guys, or even convince u to live a lonely life, but this is the facts of life..when u make a friend, u MUST be prepared to get hurt..pain makes u stronger..not sure where i heard that, but it is true..

alone time is mostly when you start to look at your surroundings and reflect on urself, which helps u get to noe urself better..also, it depends on ur lifestyle, like for me, my friends are all like, busy, live too far away, studying outstation or overseas, and im not close to my neighbours, cuz they are too young, too old, n those my age are screwed up..so im forced to be alone, and if u havent learnt to be alone, u will start spite-ing ur friends cuz they are all too busy for u, then u start thinking, "i have such lousy friends, they dont even care about me"..honestly, life now isnt cheap, esp with the economic downfall, money is hard to come by..so hanging out is going to start being a problem..but anyway, that is just my case, im pretty sure there are other reasons or situations..

not sure about u all la, but for me, i really cant stand all of societies rules, n norms that are set..as i have ranted about in a previous post..but yea, u dont see these stuff if ur always socializing..when u take a step out and u analyze why all these stuff happens, then only u realize..well, of course not saying that social norms are bad, just that i cant stand it some times..but alas, 1 person cant change society..he/she can influence others and the whole groups can change it, but thats about the only way i can think of how society can change..

k, im running out of things to say/write about, so in conclusion, wat im NOT trying to say that we should all live our lives alone, as we are social creatures, and we can go crazy from being alone ALL the time..but im saying that we should be prepared to be alone, as i watch my grandparents, both of them dont have any friends of their age anymore that lives near by to visit, they are always alone (of course they are living with their sons, so its not that bad) but at times they are ever soo lonely, and i admire them for just being able to survive the lonely moments..

Nothing (worldly) lasts forever. Things only last as long as you can hold on to them.

Learn to be alone, that way u can enjoy ur surroundings more..


Cheers

another bored-out-of-my-mind-post, and it's the first of 2009...

like seriously, no more classes till i go off..cant practice for a concert that is happening on the 8th of February, finger is already going to drop off..so its like, super stoning time..oo, i cant even sleep, cuz my sleeping pattern is like that of a battery..it is like when im super tired, i can sleep for 12 hours..my usual hours are like, 10 where i wont wake up cranky that often la..but yea, if im not tired, i can sleep only for like, 8 hours..which sucks..like today, i wanted to wake up at like, 10 am, but instead i woke up at 9, n i couldnt go back to sleep..n, for those who noe me, i REALLY dont like my schedule getting messed..

so what should i talk about? something philosophical? cant really think of something that is bugging me now, as i have already talk about all that before, n also ppl have complained that they dont get what im talking about..haha..what have i been up to? well, if i did something interesting, i wouldn't have started this post with that title would i? will write when i get the inspiration to..had a few during d week, but it is not here now..

o, n i noe some ppl (ppl like jo), are going to like suggest things for me to do, which i dont mind..but just dont get upset or affected that i dont do it..maybe my real problem is that im always not in the mood to do stuff..hmm..so a summary is that im bored, but im too lazy to do anything..good job caleb!!


Cheers