Migraine-tion

Coming from a country like malaysia, where apparently the migration rate to australia is 300,000 people a year (or possibly just the grand total), you've pretty much heard it all when it comes to this topic..for example, people in australia will be asking you, "so are you staying on over here?" and people in malaysia would be "you would be an idiot if you dont stay!"

I've also heard comments from the other side, where from australia you get "STAY IN YOUR OWN F***ING COUNTRY!", and "so when are you going back?" and from malaysia "people who migrate are cowards, because there is a reason why you were placed in this country!" and it does get annoying, because you pretty much just want to live you life without people judging you..however it does seem that is inevitable..what really saddens me is that, most of these comments (don't really hear the swearing ones from christians) and questions I get from churches and christians.

I do feel that we do have the wrong mindset when it comes to this matter, and i would be the first to admit I use to think like this..however as followers of Christ, we need to get one thing straight: "I am willing to serve." Notice the full-stop. It is not "I am willing to serve where I am comfortable." So who are we to say that God has not called you to serve in a more developed country? Having being on both sides of the border, I can see that even in a country like Australia, there is a need for service..for example, there are SOO many international students who are studying overseas who haven't heard the Word, or even those who have, there are many struggles that they go through, and all that is needed is just Godly presence. So yes, you might be thinking "oh, but the locals SHOULD be the ones to look out for these people" which is a justified reason, but honestly there is so much you can do and understand as a local, and of course not to mention the cultural difference. With that said, Im not saying that locals shouldn't reach out, just that it is justified when a person who chooses to stay back to serve.

With that said, I am not supporting the idea that EVERYONE who studies in a developed country SHOULD stay back, but to really understand the purpose of living on earth. We are here to serve God FULL-STOP. God does honour and bless the sacrifices that we are willing to make, which if you really think about it, is nothing compared to what He has done for us and will do for us when we decide to just serve Him.

Luke 9 ²³Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? ²⁶If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

Yes it is a struggle, and yes it is a big call, but there are needs to be met all over the world, so it's not just about staying back or going home, but going where the "harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." And yes, God will use you and your skills and gifts that He has given you, so again, it would be pointless if just say you are a drummer, and you decide to go to a country and serve amongst a society that already has 3 other drum teachers..

What im saying is referred to those who are ready to be on "solid food" (Hebrews 5:11-14), and if you are someone who is still new to the faith, then by all means, find a place that you can still grow and come to understand the Word of God..we are all at different seasons in our life, so what applies to one, does not apply to another..

Yea, thats all I have to say..about my decision, honestly I really would like to go back to Malaysia and serve the Lord there, as I do see there is a need for people of my skills, gifts and talents, but I am leaving it up to God about where He would like me to serve..

Cheers and God Bless

Purpose Driven Life

First of all, i would like to acknowledge that I found the picture from Google images. Hopefully, there is no copyright infringement..Second of all, I have the book, and it makes a lot of sense..

anyway, the purpose of my post with this title is to note the fact that my life has changed quite a bit, and now like, every action i take or think about taking, the 1st question i ask in my head is "what is the reason behind it?" quite a pragmatic thought..but it is how i think nowadays..for example, i dont go to theme parks because I find that the reasoning for theme parks are absolutely a waste of time, especially for me, because there is no point in thrills..i mean, what does it do for u? makes you feel high, and then? But yea, you can also say the same thing about music, "whats the point?" so yea, now the questions i ask are basically directed at me, so I don't get a thrill out of theme parks, because I don't see the point behind it, but i do not generalise my opinion about theme parks to ppl who do enjoy going to them..

but yea, i've come to realise that life is too short to be doing things for urself..because that is pointless..i mean, it is important to look after ourselves once in a while, but if we just keep doing things for ourselves, it is just pointless..its quite hard to explain it anymore than that..i guess it all comes back to "why has God created us?" and it is explained in the Bible, to worship Him and to adore Him, as He has adored us..

anyway yea, some of you may be thinking there is A HUGE flaw in the reason mentioned above, n that is that God exists..well, IF i wanted to argue from that perspective, I would still say that life is too short to be spending our time wasting it on ourselves..mostly because, i would say i have an extremely high level of altruism (the character of wanting to do good deeds), therefore based of purely scientific analysis, my high level of altruism (or even my phlegmatic personality) explains that I want to use up my time doing something better in my life..

anyway, from a more corporate point of view, just say there is procedures for a worker has to go through in order to do his job and that would be, A) gathering all the stones that he finds B) bringing them back C) seperating ALL the stones D) catergorising ALL the stones E) throwing out all the non-precious stones then continue..so step D seems quite pointless, where all the stones are being catergorised, and what the company is looking for is just precious stones..so yea, swapping step E with D makes the work a whole lot simpler rite?

anyway, that was a bad example but the point is still there..i guess now what i've been doing is that i'm always trying to find a reason why in everything that we do..

so yea, thats that..hope it makes sense..somehow i have this sneaky suspicion that i've already done up a post like that..hmm..

Cheers and God Bless

Dying Breaths of an Inactive Blog ..

yea, it has been inactive, mostly because of the extremely busy nature that i have been living..which actually hasnt been that busy..but yea, havent really found the mood, and its like, dont really have the inspiration to blog anymore, i mean, there is so much to do, and by blogging, i dont think i am really making much of a difference..but it has really been great to release my inner thoughts..

Anyway, if i were to describe my holidays in malaysia (up to this point) in just 1 word, it would be frustration..basically, i am just oh, so frustrated with the way things are being done here, be it family, church, friends, whatever..i mean, so much is expected of me, and the worse part is i have allowed all these expectations affected me..which of course i need to keep reminding myself that God is the one in control, and He has nothing more expected of me but to be an obedient child..so yea, lost sight of that..but yea, part of the frustration is that all my thoughts that are in my mind, i cant seem to share it with anyone, who would be able to understand the problems..the ppl who use to be able to listen are either away, busy with their own life, or changed..

another reason for this frustration is that i've always had this fear that nobody cares about me, and i've always tried to find ways of giving myself and others reasons to care about me, like i've always thought i am inadequate, so that people who look out for me..and well, ppl also always say, "u need to give if u wanna get", and well, ive been giving for quite a long time..so yea, pretty much my worst fears have come true..ppl i thought who actually cared about me dont..but oh well, life goes on, people are hungry and starving in the world, and the love of Jesus is still kept a secret to people of the world..

dont get me wrong, its not that my entire time here has been absolutely bad, i've had really wonderful times too, and im really glad to have a chance to meet up with friends and brothers..re-live the old days and plan for new ones..so here is to all the friends and brothers who have been there for me..and to those of you who "don't care" about me, it's ok, i mean i get it, you are busy, or have other things to do in ur life, i really totally get it..i mean, yes i am angry at the fact that little/no effort has been put into looking out or even looking for me, but i get that i am being quite selfish, and i should give you guys the benefit of the doubt..so i truly mean it when i say, it's ok..so yea, if ur sorry, i forgive u, but if ur not, then please forgive me..

Moral of the story: Never trust a quiet/introverted guy..you just don't know what is going on inside his head..

Cheers and God Bless..

Story of my Life...

K, this post is more of a ranting than my usual stuff..so yea..so here it goes..there is actually only a few things in life that I REALLY enjoy..like seriously few things..one of which would be futsal..like, thats one of the few things that i really find hard saying no to..SO one year over in australia, and the only thing that I really ever looked forward to when i came home would be, of course, to play futsal..so, yea, roughly 3 months ago, i decided to go play futsal with friends in aussieland, and from that game, i managed to injure my knee (of which i think it is one of my ligaments) and so i didnt play ANY sports until i came home, because i thought it would go away..in which it kinda did..

so yea, when i came home, i didnt really play futsal until like, 29th of Dec..so i was all geared up for that, until on the 28th of Dec, i was helping to move a podium off the stage in church, upon which i managed to hit my knee right at the corner of the podium (which is made of solid wood) and pretty much couldn't use my knee at all for that whole day..HOWEVER, that really didnt stop me, as i decided to go out and buy a knee guard so that i can still play..anyway..it did help, but now i cant really play that much futsal or any kind of sport too much, because it does hurt after awhile..

so yea..its like, one of the things that i was really looking forward to do back in malaysia, is something of which i cant do that often anymore..probably will go see a doctor soon to check out what is wrong with it..but yea, it really sucks..

k, maybe this will help you get an idea of why it sucks quite a lot for me (for those of u who dont think this is a big deal) k, so i would say my time is broken up into a few stuff, stuff i need to do, stuff i wanna do, and stuff others need me to do..so yea, in stuff i WANNA do, i usually use that time to hang out with my friends, and pretty much do stuff that everyone wants to do..which would include going to a CC, watching a movie, etc..however, going to a CC is not my thing, as in i dont really enjoy it (like seriously enjoy it) but i am willing to do it cuz i like the interactions that is exchanged..so i would say that in my time for stuff i WANNA do, i would say it would be 80% of the time i am doing stuff that others wanna do..and i pretty much get 20% of the time to just do stuff that i wanna do..and NOW even with that 20%, i cant seem to use it now thanks to my stupid injured knee..

im not complaining that im using up 80% (which by the way is a statistic to exaggerate my point) to do stuff that others wanna do, but im complaining of the fact that my knee is injured, so i cant even fully utilise my 20%..haiz..

Not my will but Yours be done...

Cheers and God Bless

Reopened wounds..

Dear Lord,

did i do what was right? I know in my heart that it is wrong, but I hit the nail square on the head..

Why, oh Lord, doesn't anyone listen to me?

I thought I was changed, looks like I'm not..

I thought I had one last chance to reverse this curse..seems like everyone's just blinded by it..

Maybe it's me..maybe what I've said is wrong? is it? it just doesn't add up logically if it is wrong..

Maybe I should move on..bigger and better things lie ahead, but I choose to stay behind, to come back, only to revert to old ways, and old feelings stir in my heart..

Is this the work of the devil? I pray oh Lord that you protect us from harm..

Why Lord, do i waste so much energy to put up a front, a facade, a mask, in a place where I should be accepted? Is that why I am so bitter inside? I am just not accepted as who I truly am?

People always say, "talk about it, you'll feel better after that.." Well, I've tried..not once, but may times, but things are still the same..

Oh Lord, you know how much I'm trying to change myself..But nobody else notices this..but i guess that is my fault for not sharing it in the first place..but when i do share, it always seems to back fire on me..

Oh Lord, I just want to serve You, but serving You means denying myself, something I am struggling with, I just pray Lord that I am able to do this..and that what others will say does not affect me Lord..

I thank you Lord for giving me a loving family, friends, and organisations that look into my spiritual growth..

I just pray oh Lord that You will be a guiding light in all their lives, and that Your truth will prevail..

Let us not lean on our own understanding but on Your wisdom..

Again I am sorry Lord, for what I've said or done..it may have even reflected badly on You Lord, so here I am begging for Your forgiveness..

Amen

Over-zealous?

Something that has been in my thoughts for quite some time..Mostly when i am serving in the UniSA comm, which is advice that has always been given to us by previous comm or experienced people is to pace ourselves, and not to be over-zealous, because we are students, and we will start out with big plans, but it will never turn out the way we want it to, because everything gets busy and studies will start to crowd our time..

BUT what ive seen with my own eyes is that, everything is achievable as long as we keep our minds on the task and PLAN OUR TIME properly, AND everything checks out with logic and reasoning..it's also a question of motivation..so yea, there is a conflict of interests..the best way to explain this is through an example or 2..in BB, i've had the privilege to be involved with organizing the BB day, which housed about 500 people..SO yes, in organizing the events, we were deciding to do things that were out of the norm, yet keeping the same traditions, so that people would experience new things..anyway, in our meetings, we had many ideas, some even far fetched, unachievable, of which we decided as a committee to go with anything that we found interesting AND had significance to the day..so we did have ideas that were, not all that logical to do, but we did it, because we planned out our time really well..in the end, i do believe most people enjoyed their time they had on that day..

there are actually many factors that are involved in planning or organizing anything,..but most importantly is the importance of the activity or the event. If the thing we plan to do is does not follow the general theme or calling, then there is little reason you should do such a thing..

not too sure if you guys get what im talking about, not really thinking straight, am a little sick, so yea..but yea, this has been bugging me, and i realized that i havent been really blogging much..so yea..haha..

Cheers and God Bless

Thanks to those who wished..

K first of all, i just want to say thanks to those who wished me, but don't noe why you guys did so, cuz i dont have a birthday..

well, the purpose i say that is because, i really dont see the point in celebrating..i guess its because ever since i was young my parents never celebrated my birthday, as in had a party for me, except like, once, which i recall having a really terrible time, because my sister invited most of her friends, i think, and she pretty much had all the fun..selfish no? or should i say jealous, being that i didnt want anyone to have more fun than me..

so anyway, from that point on, i never really had birthdays, and eventually i started to reject the idea that i even need to have a birthday..

so yes, this is some of the logic (it may not even seem logical to you, but it is my reasoning as to why i choose not to celebrate my birthday) first it comes to, why do we celebrate birthdays? to remember and to cherish people? so yea, i dont see the point in only doing that for just a single day in the whole year..next, i dont see the point of a person to go around telling other people when their birthdays are, because it is pretty, self-centred, in my opinion, because, if u are special enough, people WILL choose to remember your birthday..u dont need to go remind ppl..its like saying, "hey! im special! come remember me!!"

next, to be honest, i really dont think it is such a good use of our time..i mean, we can use that time to save lives..win souls..but yea, again, to be honest its not like we are always doing that too..so its not wrong to celebrate a birthday..just dont see the point..

So again, thanks for the wishes, really means a lot..

Cheers and God Bless

A story of a story?

K, first of all, i must clarify, the bible is not a story..in a sense that it is not fabricated, but it is the truth..So yes, read about this story in my devotional material (haha, the song Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday just ended) and saw this video from a friends blog..and well, it really got me thinking..why do we need to retell the same story but in a different context?

Well, what can be seen from this video is that it is to give people (i guess people who are not christians or dormant christians) an idea of what God went through..But what i would say that i must mention is that Jesus did not "fall" into such a situation, and God was not given such a hard choice, but God CHOSE to send His only begotten son..i think it is important to mention this is because, if the point of this whole video is so that we are able to understand the hurt God went through, it is much more of a difficult choice when you know what you have to do, and plan and tell your son about the plan and then send him and watch him suffer..in this vid, the father suddenly was given a choice to make with not much time left to think..

And from there, here is a question that comes to my mind, "so after watching a video like this, what do you feel? and is that enough?" i mean yea, you go, "aww.." or even reflect on what you've just saw..but then what? does it really change your life? if it does then great! (not being sarcastic) but my main question is, does knowing what God has gone through really help YOU? well, it should, because then we are able to understand the magnitude of God's love for us..

So from there we need to take it to the next step..how? following His word and commandments, which are Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength and love your neighbour as yourself (Matt 22:37-40)..fortunately or unfortunately, it is as simple as that..and the sad thing is, we don't do these commandments..

to be fair to this video, it is a great video, which really does it's job..but my post is really more directed to what we should do after watch a video like this..because after a vid like this, you will feel something inside, and what should be done with that feeling..and yes, i am speaking from experience, in a sense that this is what i've learnt from my experience and wish to share with you guys (I really dont want to give the impression that what i've experienced is right and others is wrong, it is just my experience)..

sometime last year, i did have a thought "I wonder how God felt when He saw Jesus suffer and died..if i could imagine just a glimpse of what He felt.." and i did pray about it..so one day my dad came back with this adorable (i dont want to use the word 'cute') little miniture poodle puppy..she was only the size of my palm..and we decided to name her Mocha (if you're wondering what she looked like, click on the link)..she just grew on me instantly, and i could just spend hours with her, even when she slept, i just couldnt leave her..cuz she would wake up and start whimpering..anyway, one day she fell sick, ironically it was an illness which is contracted by other dogs and there is no cure, only a vaccine which she was supposed to get in a weeks time..so we took her to the vet and the vet said that we had to put her to sleep..i mean, it really hurts..it still hurts..but yea, didnt really understand why, until one day i was at youth camp, during an alter call, where it finally hit me..God answered my prayer..

its quite beautiful if you realize it, God's love for us..but yea, if you did get such a revelation after watching the video or even reading my story, i really just hope that you would either dig deeper and find out more.. or if you really know what all this is about, then i just hope and pray that you would do something about it..

Cheers and God Bless

My Blue Heaven

Two sides twist and then collide
You're calling off the guards (Am I coming...)
I'm coming through (Am I coming...)
Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission
"You know, sometimes it just feels better to give in"
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

Dull heat rises from the sheets
I'm both a patient boy... well, and a jealous man
(Am I coming?)
But double standardized suspicion is remedied
Oh, My Blue Heaven
Sometimes it just feels better to give in
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
(You're safe child, you are safe)
You're safe child, you are safe

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
you're safe child, you are...

SAFE!!
(Safe, safe)
You are, safe
We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child you are safe" (Am I coming...)
You're safe child you are safe (Am I... coming through?)
Is this all too familiar?
Does it happen all the time?
I'm just asking you to hear me
Could you please, just once, just hear me?
More than anything you wanted to be right
Still it's you, you,
It's you I can't deny,
(You I can't deny)
It's you I can't deny.

Cheers and God Bless

Simple minds are easily entertained..haha..thanks Song Yeu

Cheers and God Bless

i think i need a breather...

kids these days....hiaz..thats all i wanna say..3 years of uni, thats what it does to you..haiz..this is going to be interesting..

sometimes i just wonder in amazement..how can u complain about a 2000 word report??! i mean, come on! its only 2000 words...can do it in 6 hours OR LESS...just dunno man..dont get it at all..besides that, you have all d time in the world to do d assignment, but u choose till last minute to do it....then always complain uni life is hard..it is just a freakin degree mate! haven't even gone to honours yet or even masters and you are complaining about a freakin degree??!haiz..i guess im just annoyed because its my third year, and i've gotten quite accustomed to what to write and do stuff...basically, i use to do 5000 word reports within 12 hours..as in i would start at 9pm and end at about 6 am, and that is short of 12 hours..but i dont wanna do that anymore..cuz i wanna do my best, but even when doing my best, i can still plan and manage my time so that it doesnt affect anything else...

anyway, i am basically ranting here, dont take it personally..i've written this post in such a way that when i say you, i am refering to me..but it also refers to ppl who annoy me..n that is for me to noe and you to not find out..dont worry, dont think anyone who annoys me reads this blog anyway..

Cheers and God Bless

Much to say, lest the time..

Yea, I noe the title is grammatically wrong..but it sounds cool! think i should try poetry..might help foster my lyric writing (to those who don't noe, i've tried writing songs, but the lyrics sound weird and some of which dont really rhyme)..

Anyway, yea, i just couldn't take it anymore..i've been too distracted about writing a post on this blog rather than doing my assignment..and MAN how i wished i could write when i wanted to..at the moment i have no inspiration to write about anything, but i still want to..but yea, its been hectic, probably won't write again until like, 24 November, exams end then..



anyway, just to share what i've learnt from being here..the science of commenting..being that i've been in quite a number of situations where i've needed to give my input on situations, usually it involves around organizing things or even character building..anyway, i've almost always had to give a comment on how to do things or how to improve..so from what i've learnt is that being genuine all d time is not productive in building a person..

alright, u noe how they say when u are giving criticism, you need to give positive criticism, which is giving a compliment or giving good feedback first before you give d "bad" evaluation..well, i realized that it doesnt work..here is how it doesnt work..k, u noe how after you do something, for instence playing drums for worship, then people come to u and they say, "good job!" or "you did great!" but u dont really listen to them, because these are ppl who always say the same thing every time u play drums..i'm not saying that they dont mean it, they do, but they say that because they may not play drums, so to them u did sound good..

so yea, the only reason u dont listen to them is because they are not drummers, and u would like to get praise from ppl who noe drums rite? In the same way, when u use positive criticism, ppl will disregard the first part of your comment..and from there they will only take the "bad" part of the comment..

K, i've used inverted commas twice for the word 'bad'..why do i say the "bad" part? this is something ben brought to my attention, that ppl dont like to be evaluated or judged..not everyone anyway..what ppl in general dont like is getting bad judgements..so, when ppl ignore the praise or the positive side of the comment, because we might see it as a cover-up for the bad part, they just listen to the "bad" part and that leads them to feel that they are being judged all the time..

and That is not Christian at all..BUT at the same time we need to build one another up, rite? How to refute someone who is doing something wrong without them feeling judged? that is something i dare not even attempt to answer..BUT i will give u a case scenario..i am co-bible study leader with a person (let's call that person 'A') So, it is A's first time leading, and A is a pretty good leader, but he/she is pretty nervous, and for the first bible study meeting that A leads didn't turn out that well..and so we did our own evaluation about how it went, and we give feedback and comments on what to improve on..d 2nd time A leads he/she didnt do too well again, because he/she was nervous, again..again, evaluation we gave our feedback..afther that week, I decided to stop giving feedback, because the underlying reason A is nervous is because he/she doesn't want to be judged and i realised that giving our comments or feedback is not helping the situation..SO the 3rd time A led, he/she did a really good job..during the evaluation, i just said that he/she did a fantastic job, even though there is some criticism to be given, but it was counter-productive..

from there, i learnt that if u want to build a person up, u dont have to always give your opinion or even feedback..this is VERY applicable to BB life, and mentorship in a church..you need to be able to read the other person's needs really well, and understand the underlying problems (hmm, sounds quite psych-ish) but that is what is needed..it is a science to study the intricacies of criticism or commentting..

Cheers and God Bless..

Refuse to Forget

This may seem as a weird post to some, and to others it may seem that I am overreacting..I mean, I've been thinking about this the whole day and I think that I may be overreacting to the situation..but I guess it is important for me to not forget...really, just refuse to forget what had happened..

woke up on time for church, but decided to snooze a little, which made me late for the bus, so had to catch d next bus which only came like, half an hour later..so yea, caught the bus, got off at my stop, at 9.05am church starts at 9am, and it is about a 5 min walk to church..for those who don't know adelaide, my church is situated in the red-light street, as the pastor of the church has a great conviction to move the church there, as we should be reaching out to the broken..so yea, was late, and naturally i was walking as fast as i can, and as i walked i saw this lady just sitting by the sidewalk..she looked really stoned..like, she didn't look right..but yea, i just walked by..

so yea, in church, i felt really bad, cuz i was just too focused on getting to church..PLUS on friday night, i led worship, and the theme I chose was to help non-christians get an idea what or who Jesus is to us, and for the christians, to remember when they first came to know Christ, how it felt like and also the promises they have made then..So yea, i was trying to help people to get closer to Christ, but I couldn't just stop and check if the lady by the side of the street was alright..i mean what's d point of singing worship songs and going around calling yourself a christian if u cant do a simple thing as just stopping to care for someone..

hope you can understand what i'm saying..i mean yea, i feel really bad..and i know, if i did stop, and i did check if she was ok, and turns out that she snaps at me, because she thinks i'm trying to take advantage of her, i would still feel bad, because i would think "i could have approached the situation better"..so basically, no matter what the outcome is, i would feel bad, because i am not able to help her..thats y Jesus is just soo great..the song magnificient played while i was tying out this section, and the lyrics really struck me..because No one ever will compare to You Jesus....just wanted to make a note of that..but yea, evangelism really isn't that difficult, where you don't need to attend any classes or workshops, although it does really help you refine your skills, but evangelism is just as simple as stopping to ask someone if they are ok..

thats y i've been thinking about it, and i've decided to still post about this, to say that i refuse to forget this incident..because if i forget, then history is doomed to repeat itself..BUT i also understand that I can't walk around with a chip in my heart, always beating myself up for not stopping, as God is gracious enough to show me mercy, i should also be able to forgive myself for my actions..so yea, can't cry over spilt milk..

It's not ok with what i've done, but what's done is done..

Cheers and God Bless

Up All Night!

It's happen again..but this time it was a coincidence..Windows Media Player somehow manage to play a different playlist than wat i had, so im now like high on old music..and when i say old music, what i mean is music that i havent heard in a LONG time..so yea, its like..WHOA..i mean, I am tired, but i just cant go to bed..the adrenalin is just pumping..or it could also be endorphins..either way, i am high on music..

anyway, this is a line of a song or even a verse that caught my attention while typing this post..it is from Lost by Coldplay..

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

If your wondering, why did that catch my attention, i have no idea, but i think this is something that ben would quote..so ben, this is for u..haha..enjoy..

Cheers and God Bless..

I miss futsal..i think the number one thing i miss about malaysia is the futsal..haha..futsal here is distorted! only get to play like, hit the crate with friends, which is fun by the way..but yea, miss futsal more than food (bet some of you are going "blasphemy!") but yea..i guess its cuz i bought new futsal shoes, and they fit oh-so perfectly..feels sooo good when i make acurate passes or even shots..feels like my skills have improved, but i guess it could be because of the shoes..

either way, I miss futsal!

Cheers and God Bless

Of the Forgotten and the Unremembered..

Not really what comes to mind after reading the title eh? But yea, the last match i've ever watched was last season's matches..champion's league loss to barca..quite sad.. but yea this season, just have not been able to remember to watch d matches..was watching some games last night i think, on u tub, like the best goals, top 20 players, and great matches, like the 7-1 win over AS Roma..it reminded me of how exciting it is to watch manchester united play..so yea, match 2moro! looking forward to watching it!

VIVA LA MANCHESTER UNITED!!



also, if you guys noticed, it is September 11..and well, i noe im not American (although I am related to the country) I still feel that i should honour the victims of 9-11..honestly, i wasnt that much affected by what happen, mostly cuz i was sleeping when it happened..but still it was unfair that it happened, but it is God's plan, and rest-assured, it will all turn out right..was just watching the morning talk show this morning, and the ppl on the show said that many great things have happened because of the attacks, like Obama's election to office..

so yea, today really is a day of remembering..for me anyway..

Cheers and God Bless

Facades of life...

Those who have been following my blog posts from the beginning, you know that I've been talking about these soo many times, that even I'm getting sick of it..but yet again, i need an outlet to release my repression of my feelings..SO yes..this time it is more reflective than me complaining of the fact that im tired of always masking up..im surrounded by lovely ppl..i mean these are ppl who really look out for me, and just want to help me (of course im talking about a certain few, if u genuinely care for me, u are the certain few) so yea, when u meet these ppl, 1st question asked is "so how have you been?"

what i want to know is what do you guys answer? is it "fine", "great" or do u tell them how u are actually doing? k, im not saying that u always give a false answer, but im asking when ur not feel great or awesome, do u tell d truth or do u just give an answer to not get ppl to worry about you? i mean, for me, i will answer, "alright" cuz i dont want to tell the person how im feeling, cuz usually when i do, i have to explain the whole story and i dont really want to..

k, this is my experience, someone asks me how am i, and i answer not good..so think about what is the logical reaction, cuz the fact that im comfortable enough to confide in you that im not feeling good makes u think that we are close, cuz it is within our customs to only share how we truly feel with close friends or family..SO, when u hear me say im not feeling alright, u will then ask the next question, "how come?" and that compels me to answer that question..

the problem is, we are making small talk, and i dont want to go into any deep discussions about how im feeling, im just answering a question truthfully..k, why cant i just say that i dont want to talk about it when u ask d 2nd question? well, it depends on context..sometimes, i AM supposed to be sharing certain things with certain ppl, but im just not that close with them..sometimes, based on what i said earlier, when i give that answer, it would contridict what was assumed earlier, that we are close (mentioned in the paragraph above this) and this might lead you to feel weird (or it may not, cuz i dunno what is going through ur head) but it makes the moment in time pretty awkward, cuz patterns of conversations usually start off pretty shallow and moves into more deeper topics and generally it doesn't work the other way..so by saying things aren't alright, i've made d convo a deep one, and then saying i dont want to talk about it makes it hard to bring it back to a more shallow topic..

so is wearing social masks a wrong thing? honestly, i dont noe any more..but from what i learnt, it is nessacary to avoid social awkwardness..in a sense, social interactions have not evolved to the level that im picturing, where u can tell people ur not doing alright and they understand that they dont have to probe into finding out why..cuz the only reason i told u im not doing alright is because im telling u d truth..not because i want u to find out what is wrong..

k, if ur wondering if this post is inspired by any interactions we have had, well, it might be, n it might not..honestly i cant remember which ppl i've talked to and experienced what i have, but take comfort that i always wear a mask, and i try my absolute best to tell the truth all the time..which is why i always use words that are quite ambigous like, "im doing alright" (k, when i use alright, im saying that i am not feeling rock bottom) "good enough" and many more examples..im not even sure if what i've said is biblical, or is right in God's eyes, but i don't really see anything wrong, if you do, please do tell me..so till then, i will mask up, only because i dont want to trouble you..(btw, this entire post is about ppl who im not close with..if im close with u, then it is not about u..)




Cheers and God Bless

Posso parlare italiano?

translated, the title means, can I speak Italian? and yes, to those who have watched The Godfather, you would know that there are quite a number of dialogs that are done in Italian (and to those who haven't, u better go watch it, if you know what is good for u)..but yea, i've downloaded a version of the movie that doesn't come with subtitles, so yes, i decided to watch the movie anyway..i have taken italian as an elective in HELP a couple of years ago, i think, and listening to the dialog in italian, im catching some words here n there and it kinda helps me with the story..hehe..

also, i just watched and read the lyrics of this song, which is a Latin song called Historia di Un Amor (if im not mistaken the word 'di' is spelt 'de' in Latin, am i right? I am just spelling it according to Italian rules), which translated means Story of a Love, and yea, reading d Latin lyrics also sparked some words that cross over from italian..so yes, my point is that its pretty cool, n also the song is SUPERBLY HIGHLY emo..here is the lyrics in latin (for Smith to practice his Spanish..:p) and also in English..but yea, d song, whoa! and ppl say im quite emo, im nothing compared to this man! By the way, i did come across this video and lyrics from a friend's blog, but I dont think that he/she would want me to reveal their blog address..so the only reason im telling u guys this is so that i dont get d credit of finding the song..he/she did..

Ya no estás más a mi lado, corazón.

En el alma sólo tengo soledad.

Y si ya no puedo verte,

¿Por qué Dios me hizo quererte?

¿Para hacerme sufrir más?

Siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir.

Adorarte para mi fue religión.

Y en tus besos yo encontraba

El calor que me brindaba

El amor y la pasión.

Es la historia de un amor,

Como no hay otro igual.

Que me hizo comprender

Todo el bien, todo el mal.

Que le dio luz a mi vida,

Apagándola después.

¡Ay que vida tan oscura!,

¡Sin tu amor no viviré!

Es la historia de un amor.

You're no longer by my side, my love

And in my soul I have only loneliness

If I can no longer see you

Why did God make me love you?

To make me suffer more?

You were the reason for my existence.

Adoring you, for me, was religion.

In your kisses I've found

The warmth that gave me

The love and the passion.

That's the story of a love.

Which has no equal

That made me understand

All the good, all the bad

That gave light to my life

Then turned it off.

Oh what a dark life!

Without your love I will not live!

That's the story of a love.

Cheers and God Bless

Merdeka Day..

I just realised that this is my first Merdeka Day I'm spending outside of Malaysia..So yes, i decided to take some time off just to share and to remember Malaysia and also be thankful for our independence..

K, to those who don't noe what is Merdeka Day, it is Malaysia's Independence Day..31 August 1957..and yes, i noe quite a number of people think Malaysia is screwed up (and i might be one of them..MIGHT), but it is still home and we should still be glad that we've acheived our independence..

I mean, think about it, I live in a country where you learn 2 languages (other than your mother tongue) which is pretty cool..and for ppl like me, who don't speak my mother tongue, at least i have another language to communicate in..other than that, malaysia is multicultural, where me, being an indian guy, manage to hang around and even be merged in the chinese culture, which is pretty cool..im also happy for the fact that Malaysia was colonized by the British, because now i have soccer to look forward to..

if u really think about it, there is a lot of things to be thankful for being in Malaysia, which i feel sometimes we do take for granted..of course im not saying that if u feel that you have been mistreated by the system or by certain ppl that u should ignore your feelings (if u get what i mean)..what im trying to say is to love the country, the people but not certain actions and decisions that have been taken (im not spesifically refering to anything)..so yes, to all Malaysians reading this, Happy Merdeka Day..



Cheers and God Bless

Just when u think u cant get weirder..

Do you guys know about the Stroop effect? it is this experiment where u need to just name the colour of the word and not the word..a pic below is the example..



so yea, the theory is that you would find it harder to name the colour if it doesnt match the word..eg. saying red for the word "purple"..so the experiment is timed, and it is measures 2 different conditions, 1st is colours that are same as the word eg. red and the other condition is the colour is different from the word, eg blue..so, by right, your reaction time for saying the colour that is different to the word would be longer compared to the reaction time of saying the colour that is the same as the word because we normally read the word than focus on the colour of the word, so for us to say the colour, we need to focus more and that takes more time..we did this experiment today n here is my results..

Word and font same : 680.06665 miliseconds
Word and font different : 619.1667 miliseconds

own rite?

Cheers and God Bless