Daman's Odyssey

Migraine-tion

2010-06-03T16:13:00.002+09:30

Coming from a country like malaysia, where apparently the migration rate to australia is 300,000 people a year (or possibly just the grand total), you've pretty much heard it all when it comes to this topic..for example, people in australia will be asking you, "so are you staying on over here?" and people in malaysia would be "you would be an idiot if you dont stay!"

I've also heard comments from the other side, where from australia you get "STAY IN YOUR OWN F***ING COUNTRY!", and "so when are you going back?" and from malaysia "people who migrate are cowards, because there is a reason why you were placed in this country!" and it does get annoying, because you pretty much just want to live you life without people judging you..however it does seem that is inevitable..what really saddens me is that, most of these comments (don't really hear the swearing ones from christians) and questions I get from churches and christians.

I do feel that we do have the wrong mindset when it comes to this matter, and i would be the first to admit I use to think like this..however as followers of Christ, we need to get one thing straight: "I am willing to serve." Notice the full-stop. It is not "I am willing to serve where I am comfortable." So who are we to say that God has not called you to serve in a more developed country? Having being on both sides of the border, I can see that even in a country like Australia, there is a need for service..for example, there are SOO many international students who are studying overseas who haven't heard the Word, or even those who have, there are many struggles that they go through, and all that is needed is just Godly presence. So yes, you might be thinking "oh, but the locals SHOULD be the ones to look out for these people" which is a justified reason, but honestly there is so much you can do and understand as a local, and of course not to mention the cultural difference. With that said, Im not saying that locals shouldn't reach out, just that it is justified when a person who chooses to stay back to serve.

With that said, I am not supporting the idea that EVERYONE who studies in a developed country SHOULD stay back, but to really understand the purpose of living on earth. We are here to serve God FULL-STOP. God does honour and bless the sacrifices that we are willing to make, which if you really think about it, is nothing compared to what He has done for us and will do for us when we decide to just serve Him.

Luke 9 ²³Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? ²⁶If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

Yes it is a struggle, and yes it is a big call, but there are needs to be met all over the world, so it's not just about staying back or going home, but going where the "harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." And yes, God will use you and your skills and gifts that He has given you, so again, it would be pointless if just say you are a drummer, and you decide to go to a country and serve amongst a society that already has 3 other drum teachers..

What im saying is referred to those who are ready to be on "solid food" (Hebrews 5:11-14), and if you are someone who is still new to the faith, then by all means, find a place that you can still grow and come to understand the Word of God..we are all at different seasons in our life, so what applies to one, does not apply to another..

Yea, thats all I have to say..about my decision, honestly I really would like to go back to Malaysia and serve the Lord there, as I do see there is a need for people of my skills, gifts and talents, but I am leaving it up to God about where He would like me to serve..

Cheers and God Bless

Purpose Driven Life

2010-01-28T00:02:00.002+10:30

First of all, i would like to acknowledge that I found the picture from Google images. Hopefully, there is no copyright infringement..Second of all, I have the book, and it makes a lot of sense..

anyway, the purpose of my post with this title is to note the fact that my life has changed quite a bit, and now like, every action i take or think about taking, the 1st question i ask in my head is "what is the reason behind it?" quite a pragmatic thought..but it is how i think nowadays..for example, i dont go to theme parks because I find that the reasoning for theme parks are absolutely a waste of time, especially for me, because there is no point in thrills..i mean, what does it do for u? makes you feel high, and then? But yea, you can also say the same thing about music, "whats the point?" so yea, now the questions i ask are basically directed at me, so I don't get a thrill out of theme parks, because I don't see the point behind it, but i do not generalise my opinion about theme parks to ppl who do enjoy going to them..

but yea, i've come to realise that life is too short to be doing things for urself..because that is pointless..i mean, it is important to look after ourselves once in a while, but if we just keep doing things for ourselves, it is just pointless..its quite hard to explain it anymore than that..i guess it all comes back to "why has God created us?" and it is explained in the Bible, to worship Him and to adore Him, as He has adored us..

anyway yea, some of you may be thinking there is A HUGE flaw in the reason mentioned above, n that is that God exists..well, IF i wanted to argue from that perspective, I would still say that life is too short to be spending our time wasting it on ourselves..mostly because, i would say i have an extremely high level of altruism (the character of wanting to do good deeds), therefore based of purely scientific analysis, my high level of altruism (or even my phlegmatic personality) explains that I want to use up my time doing something better in my life..

anyway, from a more corporate point of view, just say there is procedures for a worker has to go through in order to do his job and that would be, A) gathering all the stones that he finds B) bringing them back C) seperating ALL the stones D) catergorising ALL the stones E) throwing out all the non-precious stones then continue..so step D seems quite pointless, where all the stones are being catergorised, and what the company is looking for is just precious stones..so yea, swapping step E with D makes the work a whole lot simpler rite?

anyway, that was a bad example but the point is still there..i guess now what i've been doing is that i'm always trying to find a reason why in everything that we do..

so yea, thats that..hope it makes sense..somehow i have this sneaky suspicion that i've already done up a post like that..hmm..

Cheers and God Bless

Dying Breaths of an Inactive Blog ..

2010-01-26T01:56:00.002+10:30

yea, it has been inactive, mostly because of the extremely busy nature that i have been living..which actually hasnt been that busy..but yea, havent really found the mood, and its like, dont really have the inspiration to blog anymore, i mean, there is so much to do, and by blogging, i dont think i am really making much of a difference..but it has really been great to release my inner thoughts..

Anyway, if i were to describe my holidays in malaysia (up to this point) in just 1 word, it would be frustration..basically, i am just oh, so frustrated with the way things are being done here, be it family, church, friends, whatever..i mean, so much is expected of me, and the worse part is i have allowed all these expectations affected me..which of course i need to keep reminding myself that God is the one in control, and He has nothing more expected of me but to be an obedient child..so yea, lost sight of that..but yea, part of the frustration is that all my thoughts that are in my mind, i cant seem to share it with anyone, who would be able to understand the problems..the ppl who use to be able to listen are either away, busy with their own life, or changed..

another reason for this frustration is that i've always had this fear that nobody cares about me, and i've always tried to find ways of giving myself and others reasons to care about me, like i've always thought i am inadequate, so that people who look out for me..and well, ppl also always say, "u need to give if u wanna get", and well, ive been giving for quite a long time..so yea, pretty much my worst fears have come true..ppl i thought who actually cared about me dont..but oh well, life goes on, people are hungry and starving in the world, and the love of Jesus is still kept a secret to people of the world..

dont get me wrong, its not that my entire time here has been absolutely bad, i've had really wonderful times too, and im really glad to have a chance to meet up with friends and brothers..re-live the old days and plan for new ones..so here is to all the friends and brothers who have been there for me..and to those of you who "don't care" about me, it's ok, i mean i get it, you are busy, or have other things to do in ur life, i really totally get it..i mean, yes i am angry at the fact that little/no effort has been put into looking out or even looking for me, but i get that i am being quite selfish, and i should give you guys the benefit of the doubt..so i truly mean it when i say, it's ok..so yea, if ur sorry, i forgive u, but if ur not, then please forgive me..

Moral of the story: Never trust a quiet/introverted guy..you just don't know what is going on inside his head..

Cheers and God Bless..

Story of my Life...

2010-01-08T02:57:00.002+10:30

K, this post is more of a ranting than my usual stuff..so yea..so here it goes..there is actually only a few things in life that I REALLY enjoy..like seriously few things..one of which would be futsal..like, thats one of the few things that i really find hard saying no to..SO one year over in australia, and the only thing that I really ever looked forward to when i came home would be, of course, to play futsal..so, yea, roughly 3 months ago, i decided to go play futsal with friends in aussieland, and from that game, i managed to injure my knee (of which i think it is one of my ligaments) and so i didnt play ANY sports until i came home, because i thought it would go away..in which it kinda did..

so yea, when i came home, i didnt really play futsal until like, 29th of Dec..so i was all geared up for that, until on the 28th of Dec, i was helping to move a podium off the stage in church, upon which i managed to hit my knee right at the corner of the podium (which is made of solid wood) and pretty much couldn't use my knee at all for that whole day..HOWEVER, that really didnt stop me, as i decided to go out and buy a knee guard so that i can still play..anyway..it did help, but now i cant really play that much futsal or any kind of sport too much, because it does hurt after awhile..

so yea..its like, one of the things that i was really looking forward to do back in malaysia, is something of which i cant do that often anymore..probably will go see a doctor soon to check out what is wrong with it..but yea, it really sucks..

k, maybe this will help you get an idea of why it sucks quite a lot for me (for those of u who dont think this is a big deal) k, so i would say my time is broken up into a few stuff, stuff i need to do, stuff i wanna do, and stuff others need me to do..so yea, in stuff i WANNA do, i usually use that time to hang out with my friends, and pretty much do stuff that everyone wants to do..which would include going to a CC, watching a movie, etc..however, going to a CC is not my thing, as in i dont really enjoy it (like seriously enjoy it) but i am willing to do it cuz i like the interactions that is exchanged..so i would say that in my time for stuff i WANNA do, i would say it would be 80% of the time i am doing stuff that others wanna do..and i pretty much get 20% of the time to just do stuff that i wanna do..and NOW even with that 20%, i cant seem to use it now thanks to my stupid injured knee..

im not complaining that im using up 80% (which by the way is a statistic to exaggerate my point) to do stuff that others wanna do, but im complaining of the fact that my knee is injured, so i cant even fully utilise my 20%..haiz..

Not my will but Yours be done...

Cheers and God Bless

Reopened wounds..

2009-12-15T23:40:00.002+10:30

Dear Lord,

did i do what was right? I know in my heart that it is wrong, but I hit the nail square on the head..

Why, oh Lord, doesn't anyone listen to me?

I thought I was changed, looks like I'm not..

I thought I had one last chance to reverse this curse..seems like everyone's just blinded by it..

Maybe it's me..maybe what I've said is wrong? is it? it just doesn't add up logically if it is wrong..

Maybe I should move on..bigger and better things lie ahead, but I choose to stay behind, to come back, only to revert to old ways, and old feelings stir in my heart..

Is this the work of the devil? I pray oh Lord that you protect us from harm..

Why Lord, do i waste so much energy to put up a front, a facade, a mask, in a place where I should be accepted? Is that why I am so bitter inside? I am just not accepted as who I truly am?

People always say, "talk about it, you'll feel better after that.." Well, I've tried..not once, but may times, but things are still the same..

Oh Lord, you know how much I'm trying to change myself..But nobody else notices this..but i guess that is my fault for not sharing it in the first place..but when i do share, it always seems to back fire on me..

Oh Lord, I just want to serve You, but serving You means denying myself, something I am struggling with, I just pray Lord that I am able to do this..and that what others will say does not affect me Lord..

I thank you Lord for giving me a loving family, friends, and organisations that look into my spiritual growth..

I just pray oh Lord that You will be a guiding light in all their lives, and that Your truth will prevail..

Let us not lean on our own understanding but on Your wisdom..

Again I am sorry Lord, for what I've said or done..it may have even reflected badly on You Lord, so here I am begging for Your forgiveness..

Amen

Over-zealous?

2009-12-14T23:35:00.002+10:30

Something that has been in my thoughts for quite some time..Mostly when i am serving in the UniSA comm, which is advice that has always been given to us by previous comm or experienced people is to pace ourselves, and not to be over-zealous, because we are students, and we will start out with big plans, but it will never turn out the way we want it to, because everything gets busy and studies will start to crowd our time..

BUT what ive seen with my own eyes is that, everything is achievable as long as we keep our minds on the task and PLAN OUR TIME properly, AND everything checks out with logic and reasoning..it's also a question of motivation..so yea, there is a conflict of interests..the best way to explain this is through an example or 2..in BB, i've had the privilege to be involved with organizing the BB day, which housed about 500 people..SO yes, in organizing the events, we were deciding to do things that were out of the norm, yet keeping the same traditions, so that people would experience new things..anyway, in our meetings, we had many ideas, some even far fetched, unachievable, of which we decided as a committee to go with anything that we found interesting AND had significance to the day..so we did have ideas that were, not all that logical to do, but we did it, because we planned out our time really well..in the end, i do believe most people enjoyed their time they had on that day..

there are actually many factors that are involved in planning or organizing anything,..but most importantly is the importance of the activity or the event. If the thing we plan to do is does not follow the general theme or calling, then there is little reason you should do such a thing..

not too sure if you guys get what im talking about, not really thinking straight, am a little sick, so yea..but yea, this has been bugging me, and i realized that i havent been really blogging much..so yea..haha..

Cheers and God Bless

Thanks to those who wished..

2009-12-13T00:06:00.003+10:30

K first of all, i just want to say thanks to those who wished me, but don't noe why you guys did so, cuz i dont have a birthday..

well, the purpose i say that is because, i really dont see the point in celebrating..i guess its because ever since i was young my parents never celebrated my birthday, as in had a party for me, except like, once, which i recall having a really terrible time, because my sister invited most of her friends, i think, and she pretty much had all the fun..selfish no? or should i say jealous, being that i didnt want anyone to have more fun than me..

so anyway, from that point on, i never really had birthdays, and eventually i started to reject the idea that i even need to have a birthday..

so yes, this is some of the logic (it may not even seem logical to you, but it is my reasoning as to why i choose not to celebrate my birthday) first it comes to, why do we celebrate birthdays? to remember and to cherish people? so yea, i dont see the point in only doing that for just a single day in the whole year..next, i dont see the point of a person to go around telling other people when their birthdays are, because it is pretty, self-centred, in my opinion, because, if u are special enough, people WILL choose to remember your birthday..u dont need to go remind ppl..its like saying, "hey! im special! come remember me!!"

next, to be honest, i really dont think it is such a good use of our time..i mean, we can use that time to save lives..win souls..but yea, again, to be honest its not like we are always doing that too..so its not wrong to celebrate a birthday..just dont see the point..

So again, thanks for the wishes, really means a lot..

Cheers and God Bless

A story of a story?

2009-11-12T23:23:00.003+10:30

K, first of all, i must clarify, the bible is not a story..in a sense that it is not fabricated, but it is the truth..So yes, read about this story in my devotional material (haha, the song Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday just ended) and saw this video from a friends blog..and well, it really got me thinking..why do we need to retell the same story but in a different context?

Well, what can be seen from this video is that it is to give people (i guess people who are not christians or dormant christians) an idea of what God went through..But what i would say that i must mention is that Jesus did not "fall" into such a situation, and God was not given such a hard choice, but God CHOSE to send His only begotten son..i think it is important to mention this is because, if the point of this whole video is so that we are able to understand the hurt God went through, it is much more of a difficult choice when you know what you have to do, and plan and tell your son about the plan and then send him and watch him suffer..in this vid, the father suddenly was given a choice to make with not much time left to think..

And from there, here is a question that comes to my mind, "so after watching a video like this, what do you feel? and is that enough?" i mean yea, you go, "aww.." or even reflect on what you've just saw..but then what? does it really change your life? if it does then great! (not being sarcastic) but my main question is, does knowing what God has gone through really help YOU? well, it should, because then we are able to understand the magnitude of God's love for us..

So from there we need to take it to the next step..how? following His word and commandments, which are Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength and love your neighbour as yourself (Matt 22:37-40)..fortunately or unfortunately, it is as simple as that..and the sad thing is, we don't do these commandments..

to be fair to this video, it is a great video, which really does it's job..but my post is really more directed to what we should do after watch a video like this..because after a vid like this, you will feel something inside, and what should be done with that feeling..and yes, i am speaking from experience, in a sense that this is what i've learnt from my experience and wish to share with you guys (I really dont want to give the impression that what i've experienced is right and others is wrong, it is just my experience)..

sometime last year, i did have a thought "I wonder how God felt when He saw Jesus suffer and died..if i could imagine just a glimpse of what He felt.." and i did pray about it..so one day my dad came back with this adorable (i dont want to use the word 'cute') little miniture poodle puppy..she was only the size of my palm..and we decided to name her Mocha (if you're wondering what she looked like, click on the link)..she just grew on me instantly, and i could just spend hours with her, even when she slept, i just couldnt leave her..cuz she would wake up and start whimpering..anyway, one day she fell sick, ironically it was an illness which is contracted by other dogs and there is no cure, only a vaccine which she was supposed to get in a weeks time..so we took her to the vet and the vet said that we had to put her to sleep..i mean, it really hurts..it still hurts..but yea, didnt really understand why, until one day i was at youth camp, during an alter call, where it finally hit me..God answered my prayer..

its quite beautiful if you realize it, God's love for us..but yea, if you did get such a revelation after watching the video or even reading my story, i really just hope that you would either dig deeper and find out more.. or if you really know what all this is about, then i just hope and pray that you would do something about it..

Cheers and God Bless

My Blue Heaven

2009-11-09T23:51:00.003+10:30

Two sides twist and then collide
You're calling off the guards (Am I coming...)
I'm coming through (Am I coming...)
Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission
"You know, sometimes it just feels better to give in"
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

Dull heat rises from the sheets
I'm both a patient boy... well, and a jealous man
(Am I coming?)
But double standardized suspicion is remedied
Oh, My Blue Heaven
Sometimes it just feels better to give in
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
(You're safe child, you are safe)
You're safe child, you are safe

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
you're safe child, you are...

SAFE!!
(Safe, safe)
You are, safe
We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child you are safe" (Am I coming...)
You're safe child you are safe (Am I... coming through?)
Is this all too familiar?
Does it happen all the time?
I'm just asking you to hear me
Could you please, just once, just hear me?
More than anything you wanted to be right
Still it's you, you,
It's you I can't deny,
(You I can't deny)
It's you I can't deny.

Cheers and God Bless

Simple minds are easily entertained..haha..thanks Song Yeu

2009-11-05T00:59:00.002+10:30

Cheers and God Bless

i think i need a breather...

2009-10-29T23:30:00.002+10:30

kids these days....hiaz..thats all i wanna say..3 years of uni, thats what it does to you..haiz..this is going to be interesting..

sometimes i just wonder in amazement..how can u complain about a 2000 word report??! i mean, come on! its only 2000 words...can do it in 6 hours OR LESS...just dunno man..dont get it at all..besides that, you have all d time in the world to do d assignment, but u choose till last minute to do it....then always complain uni life is hard..it is just a freakin degree mate! haven't even gone to honours yet or even masters and you are complaining about a freakin degree??!haiz..i guess im just annoyed because its my third year, and i've gotten quite accustomed to what to write and do stuff...basically, i use to do 5000 word reports within 12 hours..as in i would start at 9pm and end at about 6 am, and that is short of 12 hours..but i dont wanna do that anymore..cuz i wanna do my best, but even when doing my best, i can still plan and manage my time so that it doesnt affect anything else...

anyway, i am basically ranting here, dont take it personally..i've written this post in such a way that when i say you, i am refering to me..but it also refers to ppl who annoy me..n that is for me to noe and you to not find out..dont worry, dont think anyone who annoys me reads this blog anyway..

Cheers and God Bless

Much to say, lest the time..

2009-10-29T00:18:00.004+10:30

Yea, I noe the title is grammatically wrong..but it sounds cool! think i should try poetry..might help foster my lyric writing (to those who don't noe, i've tried writing songs, but the lyrics sound weird and some of which dont really rhyme)..

Anyway, yea, i just couldn't take it anymore..i've been too distracted about writing a post on this blog rather than doing my assignment..and MAN how i wished i could write when i wanted to..at the moment i have no inspiration to write about anything, but i still want to..but yea, its been hectic, probably won't write again until like, 24 November, exams end then..

anyway, just to share what i've learnt from being here..the science of commenting..being that i've been in quite a number of situations where i've needed to give my input on situations, usually it involves around organizing things or even character building..anyway, i've almost always had to give a comment on how to do things or how to improve..so from what i've learnt is that being genuine all d time is not productive in building a person..

alright, u noe how they say when u are giving criticism, you need to give positive criticism, which is giving a compliment or giving good feedback first before you give d "bad" evaluation..well, i realized that it doesnt work..here is how it doesnt work..k, u noe how after you do something, for instence playing drums for worship, then people come to u and they say, "good job!" or "you did great!" but u dont really listen to them, because these are ppl who always say the same thing every time u play drums..i'm not saying that they dont mean it, they do, but they say that because they may not play drums, so to them u did sound good..

so yea, the only reason u dont listen to them is because they are not drummers, and u would like to get praise from ppl who noe drums rite? In the same way, when u use positive criticism, ppl will disregard the first part of your comment..and from there they will only take the "bad" part of the comment..

K, i've used inverted commas twice for the word 'bad'..why do i say the "bad" part? this is something ben brought to my attention, that ppl dont like to be evaluated or judged..not everyone anyway..what ppl in general dont like is getting bad judgements..so, when ppl ignore the praise or the positive side of the comment, because we might see it as a cover-up for the bad part, they just listen to the "bad" part and that leads them to feel that they are being judged all the time..

and That is not Christian at all..BUT at the same time we need to build one another up, rite? How to refute someone who is doing something wrong without them feeling judged? that is something i dare not even attempt to answer..BUT i will give u a case scenario..i am co-bible study leader with a person (let's call that person 'A') So, it is A's first time leading, and A is a pretty good leader, but he/she is pretty nervous, and for the first bible study meeting that A leads didn't turn out that well..and so we did our own evaluation about how it went, and we give feedback and comments on what to improve on..d 2nd time A leads he/she didnt do too well again, because he/she was nervous, again..again, evaluation we gave our feedback..afther that week, I decided to stop giving feedback, because the underlying reason A is nervous is because he/she doesn't want to be judged and i realised that giving our comments or feedback is not helping the situation..SO the 3rd time A led, he/she did a really good job..during the evaluation, i just said that he/she did a fantastic job, even though there is some criticism to be given, but it was counter-productive..

from there, i learnt that if u want to build a person up, u dont have to always give your opinion or even feedback..this is VERY applicable to BB life, and mentorship in a church..you need to be able to read the other person's needs really well, and understand the underlying problems (hmm, sounds quite psych-ish) but that is what is needed..it is a science to study the intricacies of criticism or commentting..

Cheers and God Bless..

Refuse to Forget

2009-10-11T23:40:00.002+10:30

This may seem as a weird post to some, and to others it may seem that I am overreacting..I mean, I've been thinking about this the whole day and I think that I may be overreacting to the situation..but I guess it is important for me to not forget...really, just refuse to forget what had happened..

woke up on time for church, but decided to snooze a little, which made me late for the bus, so had to catch d next bus which only came like, half an hour later..so yea, caught the bus, got off at my stop, at 9.05am church starts at 9am, and it is about a 5 min walk to church..for those who don't know adelaide, my church is situated in the red-light street, as the pastor of the church has a great conviction to move the church there, as we should be reaching out to the broken..so yea, was late, and naturally i was walking as fast as i can, and as i walked i saw this lady just sitting by the sidewalk..she looked really stoned..like, she didn't look right..but yea, i just walked by..

so yea, in church, i felt really bad, cuz i was just too focused on getting to church..PLUS on friday night, i led worship, and the theme I chose was to help non-christians get an idea what or who Jesus is to us, and for the christians, to remember when they first came to know Christ, how it felt like and also the promises they have made then..So yea, i was trying to help people to get closer to Christ, but I couldn't just stop and check if the lady by the side of the street was alright..i mean what's d point of singing worship songs and going around calling yourself a christian if u cant do a simple thing as just stopping to care for someone..

hope you can understand what i'm saying..i mean yea, i feel really bad..and i know, if i did stop, and i did check if she was ok, and turns out that she snaps at me, because she thinks i'm trying to take advantage of her, i would still feel bad, because i would think "i could have approached the situation better"..so basically, no matter what the outcome is, i would feel bad, because i am not able to help her..thats y Jesus is just soo great..the song magnificient played while i was tying out this section, and the lyrics really struck me..because No one ever will compare to You Jesus....just wanted to make a note of that..but yea, evangelism really isn't that difficult, where you don't need to attend any classes or workshops, although it does really help you refine your skills, but evangelism is just as simple as stopping to ask someone if they are ok..

thats y i've been thinking about it, and i've decided to still post about this, to say that i refuse to forget this incident..because if i forget, then history is doomed to repeat itself..BUT i also understand that I can't walk around with a chip in my heart, always beating myself up for not stopping, as God is gracious enough to show me mercy, i should also be able to forgive myself for my actions..so yea, can't cry over spilt milk..

It's not ok with what i've done, but what's done is done..

Cheers and God Bless

Up All Night!

2009-09-25T01:36:00.002+09:30

It's happen again..but this time it was a coincidence..Windows Media Player somehow manage to play a different playlist than wat i had, so im now like high on old music..and when i say old music, what i mean is music that i havent heard in a LONG time..so yea, its like..WHOA..i mean, I am tired, but i just cant go to bed..the adrenalin is just pumping..or it could also be endorphins..either way, i am high on music..

anyway, this is a line of a song or even a verse that caught my attention while typing this post..it is from Lost by Coldplay..

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

If your wondering, why did that catch my attention, i have no idea, but i think this is something that ben would quote..so ben, this is for u..haha..enjoy..

Cheers and God Bless..

2009-09-23T00:01:00.003+09:30

I miss futsal..i think the number one thing i miss about malaysia is the futsal..haha..futsal here is distorted! only get to play like, hit the crate with friends, which is fun by the way..but yea, miss futsal more than food (bet some of you are going "blasphemy!") but yea..i guess its cuz i bought new futsal shoes, and they fit oh-so perfectly..feels sooo good when i make acurate passes or even shots..feels like my skills have improved, but i guess it could be because of the shoes..

either way, I miss futsal!

Cheers and God Bless

Of the Forgotten and the Unremembered..

2009-09-11T11:40:00.003+09:30

Not really what comes to mind after reading the title eh? But yea, the last match i've ever watched was last season's matches..champion's league loss to barca..quite sad.. but yea this season, just have not been able to remember to watch d matches..was watching some games last night i think, on u tub, like the best goals, top 20 players, and great matches, like the 7-1 win over AS Roma..it reminded me of how exciting it is to watch manchester united play..so yea, match 2moro! looking forward to watching it!

VIVA LA MANCHESTER UNITED!!

also, if you guys noticed, it is September 11..and well, i noe im not American (although I am related to the country) I still feel that i should honour the victims of 9-11..honestly, i wasnt that much affected by what happen, mostly cuz i was sleeping when it happened..but still it was unfair that it happened, but it is God's plan, and rest-assured, it will all turn out right..was just watching the morning talk show this morning, and the ppl on the show said that many great things have happened because of the attacks, like Obama's election to office..

so yea, today really is a day of remembering..for me anyway..

Cheers and God Bless

Facades of life...

2009-09-07T22:25:00.003+09:30

Those who have been following my blog posts from the beginning, you know that I've been talking about these soo many times, that even I'm getting sick of it..but yet again, i need an outlet to release my repression of my feelings..SO yes..this time it is more reflective than me complaining of the fact that im tired of always masking up..im surrounded by lovely ppl..i mean these are ppl who really look out for me, and just want to help me (of course im talking about a certain few, if u genuinely care for me, u are the certain few) so yea, when u meet these ppl, 1st question asked is "so how have you been?"

what i want to know is what do you guys answer? is it "fine", "great" or do u tell them how u are actually doing? k, im not saying that u always give a false answer, but im asking when ur not feel great or awesome, do u tell d truth or do u just give an answer to not get ppl to worry about you? i mean, for me, i will answer, "alright" cuz i dont want to tell the person how im feeling, cuz usually when i do, i have to explain the whole story and i dont really want to..

k, this is my experience, someone asks me how am i, and i answer not good..so think about what is the logical reaction, cuz the fact that im comfortable enough to confide in you that im not feeling good makes u think that we are close, cuz it is within our customs to only share how we truly feel with close friends or family..SO, when u hear me say im not feeling alright, u will then ask the next question, "how come?" and that compels me to answer that question..

the problem is, we are making small talk, and i dont want to go into any deep discussions about how im feeling, im just answering a question truthfully..k, why cant i just say that i dont want to talk about it when u ask d 2nd question? well, it depends on context..sometimes, i AM supposed to be sharing certain things with certain ppl, but im just not that close with them..sometimes, based on what i said earlier, when i give that answer, it would contridict what was assumed earlier, that we are close (mentioned in the paragraph above this) and this might lead you to feel weird (or it may not, cuz i dunno what is going through ur head) but it makes the moment in time pretty awkward, cuz patterns of conversations usually start off pretty shallow and moves into more deeper topics and generally it doesn't work the other way..so by saying things aren't alright, i've made d convo a deep one, and then saying i dont want to talk about it makes it hard to bring it back to a more shallow topic..

so is wearing social masks a wrong thing? honestly, i dont noe any more..but from what i learnt, it is nessacary to avoid social awkwardness..in a sense, social interactions have not evolved to the level that im picturing, where u can tell people ur not doing alright and they understand that they dont have to probe into finding out why..cuz the only reason i told u im not doing alright is because im telling u d truth..not because i want u to find out what is wrong..

k, if ur wondering if this post is inspired by any interactions we have had, well, it might be, n it might not..honestly i cant remember which ppl i've talked to and experienced what i have, but take comfort that i always wear a mask, and i try my absolute best to tell the truth all the time..which is why i always use words that are quite ambigous like, "im doing alright" (k, when i use alright, im saying that i am not feeling rock bottom) "good enough" and many more examples..im not even sure if what i've said is biblical, or is right in God's eyes, but i don't really see anything wrong, if you do, please do tell me..so till then, i will mask up, only because i dont want to trouble you..(btw, this entire post is about ppl who im not close with..if im close with u, then it is not about u..)

Cheers and God Bless

Posso parlare italiano?

2009-09-02T12:00:00.004+09:30

translated, the title means, can I speak Italian? and yes, to those who have watched The Godfather, you would know that there are quite a number of dialogs that are done in Italian (and to those who haven't, u better go watch it, if you know what is good for u)..but yea, i've downloaded a version of the movie that doesn't come with subtitles, so yes, i decided to watch the movie anyway..i have taken italian as an elective in HELP a couple of years ago, i think, and listening to the dialog in italian, im catching some words here n there and it kinda helps me with the story..hehe..

also, i just watched and read the lyrics of this song, which is a Latin song called Historia di Un Amor (if im not mistaken the word 'di' is spelt 'de' in Latin, am i right? I am just spelling it according to Italian rules), which translated means Story of a Love, and yea, reading d Latin lyrics also sparked some words that cross over from italian..so yes, my point is that its pretty cool, n also the song is SUPERBLY HIGHLY emo..here is the lyrics in latin (for Smith to practice his Spanish..:p) and also in English..but yea, d song, whoa! and ppl say im quite emo, im nothing compared to this man! By the way, i did come across this video and lyrics from a friend's blog, but I dont think that he/she would want me to reveal their blog address..so the only reason im telling u guys this is so that i dont get d credit of finding the song..he/she did..

Ya no estás más a mi lado, corazón.

En el alma sólo tengo soledad.

Y si ya no puedo verte,

¿Por qué Dios me hizo quererte?

¿Para hacerme sufrir más?

Siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir.

Adorarte para mi fue religión.

Y en tus besos yo encontraba

El calor que me brindaba

El amor y la pasión.

Es la historia de un amor,

Como no hay otro igual.

Que me hizo comprender

Todo el bien, todo el mal.

Que le dio luz a mi vida,

Apagándola después.

¡Ay que vida tan oscura!,

¡Sin tu amor no viviré!

Es la historia de un amor.

You're no longer by my side, my love

And in my soul I have only loneliness

If I can no longer see you

Why did God make me love you?

To make me suffer more?

You were the reason for my existence.

Adoring you, for me, was religion.

In your kisses I've found

The warmth that gave me

The love and the passion.

That's the story of a love.

Which has no equal

That made me understand

All the good, all the bad

That gave light to my life

Then turned it off.

Oh what a dark life!

Without your love I will not live!

That's the story of a love.

Cheers and God Bless

Merdeka Day..

2009-08-31T14:33:00.006+09:30

I just realised that this is my first Merdeka Day I'm spending outside of Malaysia..So yes, i decided to take some time off just to share and to remember Malaysia and also be thankful for our independence..

K, to those who don't noe what is Merdeka Day, it is Malaysia's Independence Day..31 August 1957..and yes, i noe quite a number of people think Malaysia is screwed up (and i might be one of them..MIGHT), but it is still home and we should still be glad that we've acheived our independence..

I mean, think about it, I live in a country where you learn 2 languages (other than your mother tongue) which is pretty cool..and for ppl like me, who don't speak my mother tongue, at least i have another language to communicate in..other than that, malaysia is multicultural, where me, being an indian guy, manage to hang around and even be merged in the chinese culture, which is pretty cool..im also happy for the fact that Malaysia was colonized by the British, because now i have soccer to look forward to..

if u really think about it, there is a lot of things to be thankful for being in Malaysia, which i feel sometimes we do take for granted..of course im not saying that if u feel that you have been mistreated by the system or by certain ppl that u should ignore your feelings (if u get what i mean)..what im trying to say is to love the country, the people but not certain actions and decisions that have been taken (im not spesifically refering to anything)..so yes, to all Malaysians reading this, Happy Merdeka Day..

Cheers and God Bless

Just when u think u cant get weirder..

2009-08-26T23:51:00.004+09:30

Do you guys know about the Stroop effect? it is this experiment where u need to just name the colour of the word and not the word..a pic below is the example..

so yea, the theory is that you would find it harder to name the colour if it doesnt match the word..eg. saying red for the word "purple"..so the experiment is timed, and it is measures 2 different conditions, 1st is colours that are same as the word eg. red and the other condition is the colour is different from the word, eg blue..so, by right, your reaction time for saying the colour that is different to the word would be longer compared to the reaction time of saying the colour that is the same as the word because we normally read the word than focus on the colour of the word, so for us to say the colour, we need to focus more and that takes more time..we did this experiment today n here is my results..

Word and font same : 680.06665 miliseconds
Word and font different : 619.1667 miliseconds

own rite?

Cheers and God Bless

It's about a feeling that has no meaning..

2009-08-17T00:23:00.002+09:30

not bad eh? haha..not sure if the title even makes sense, but i like it..haha..

So yes..y suddenly a post about love? ESPECIALLY since i've like just posted something like a couple of days ago? well, i was reading ppl's blogs, and what i find interesting is that this topic keeps popping out..the topic of "love"..and yea, this of course intrigued me, because i saw a pattern, and i guess as psyshologists (and scientist) when a pattern is noticed, it must be studied..but yea, im not doing a study..who am i to do a study? hehe..

anyway, as i said, i noticed that ppl like to talk about love quite abit..so yea, what i've noticed is that in blog posts, ppl are trying to define the idea of what is "love" or maybe trying to search for the meaning..and well, u can get into technicalities, like the oxford dictionary's definition or what ever..and well, usually it also revolves around the fact that the english language only has 1 word to describe that feeling, which is love..so, u can say that defining the meaning to the english word is like trying to use a blunt tool..

So, what has intrigued me the most is the fact that ppl WANT to define the word..Why can't ppl accept the fact that love is love? it doesn't need to be defined..well, the obvious answer would be that because ppl want to be clear about which definition of love they are talking about..like when a person says " i love my dog" they dont mean it in a romantic kind of way (well, at least i hope so)

So yea, that's d obvious reason out of the way..what i noticed is that ppl are trying to look for a deeper meaning for love, especially when it is between ppl.. it could be romantic, sibling or even parental love, but ppl try to find a true meaning to it..i mean u think about it, doesnt it have like a common theme running through each type (of which im talking about love between people)?

well, i could actually try to strucutize it and find a way to label each theme that is running through love, but that would take too long, and i've gotta sleep soon and all that i would have done would be beating around the bush and finally coming to this point, so yea, here is my point..

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version)

this is really the best way to define love (hopefully by now you guys noe what i mean) but yea, love is not just a feeling, for all feelings require u to act out physically..when ur happy ur facial muscles are more relaxed and u smile more, when ur sad u give off a stone face and ur body language does protray it..when ur angry, muscles tense up and sometimes ur voice is raised, when ur anxious u will act in an irregular behaviour..so yea, i can go through all the emotions we feel, but again, i will cut to the chase..when we feel love we should act it out also..it would only be natural rite? k, i noe that there are some emotions that ppl do show, and some ppl think that it is not right to show these emotions, and well this is where psychologists come in..when you don't express (man, its SOO hard thinking of a non-psychological term) ur true feeling that you feel, it is called repression, and that leads on to more psychological discrepencies..

so yea, thats it, thanks for reading..

P.S. yea, i did read ppl's blogs and was inpired to write this, so if u are one of those ppl, im not putting u down in anyway, im actually quite sure that i've also tried to look for the meaning of love myself n posted something about it, but yea..too lazy to go n look up what i've written..so yea..

Cheers and God Bless

The Dog-Owner Relationship..

2009-08-14T01:08:00.006+09:30

Alright, i guess im tired of looking at gloomy posts, SO i will do a comparison of myself with my dog, Jack..

1st of all, Jack pretty much has the same type of "hair*" style as me, where it is kinda bushy..

*Hair being the fur on the top of it's head

k, ignore everything else and focus on the hair..doesn't it look kind of similar?

k, my second point..he has attachment issues..where when he 1st came home, he only liked my dad and just hung around him, but later on he started to become closer to me, which i must say is pretty normal for any person..but yea, in that way he is similar..

Next, Jack doesn't liked to be approached when he is being handled by his owners..yea, well just say im carrying him, n my sister or mum approached him, he would bark and try to bite them (haha, yea serious issues that dog) BUT if my dad is holding him i can approach him, n vice versa..well, as for me, i dont bark nor do i bite, unless ur food, then i will bite and also chew..anyway it is KINDA like me, where i do have my own social circles that i exist in, BB, family, College, and Church..SO i dont really like it when certain circles collide, mostly would be my family with any other social circle..but then again, it is kinda normal rite?

the following point, He is SUPER noisy..hehe..need i explain more? well, maybe to those who noe me well enough, i am noisy..k, he is not noisy all the time, like he just barks at anything moving outside, esp other dogs..speaking of which, he is crazy enough to pick a fight with a dog 3-4 times it's size..me? im crazy enough to do crazy things too..haha..

k, in conclusion, u can actually attribute anything about ur dog's character to urself..it is just a sense of perspective..i guess that the only thing that Jack has in common with me is that he is male, and so am I, and also that he has issues, and that is also attributable to almost everyone..so yea, what's soo special about him if he is not anything like me? He is loyal and cheers me up..

Cheers and God Bless

Only in My World...

2009-08-09T00:37:00.006+09:30

only in my world, i can feel like an absolute disaster even when i do something great..
only in my world, i can lie to myself and believe what i said is the truth..
only in my world, reality is not good enough for me..
only in my world, i hate being judged from people and yet crave it at the same time..
only in my world, i am the "sick-est" person in the world and nobody can help me..

only in my world, i can say "screw you" to myself and feel a whole lot better..

Thank God this is not my world, and that He came down just so that even I don't have to live in my world..

Cheers and God Bless..

HA..started la now.....

2009-08-07T01:00:00.003+09:30

yea, emoing again..and yea, being here in australia for quite some time now, i think it is safe to say that i can come to a conclusion that no matter how strong u are, or should i say no matter how detached you are from friends n family, you will still miss certain aspects of them..

k, before i came here, my uncle told me that i will go through homesickness or some kind of syndrome, which i forgot the term but yea it has 4 stages to it.. it was that when i reached adelaide, i would be super high for quite some time which is the 1st stage, then moves into falling into a deep depression for quite some time, then the next stage should be me getting use to life here, and d final stage is im alright, as in im settled in..

anyway yea, what i've noticed about myself is that i dont really go through these stages properly (before i continue on, i must say i am no psychologist to come up with this conclusion, and what im saying is what i see about myself) yea, so when i first came, yea i was kinda high, and which i went straight into doing stuff which is me getting use to life..it could be that im still in d 1st stage..anyway, i will admit i did miss home after that (k, all those ppl who keep asking me d SAME question OVER and OVER again, here is ur answer..)but i must admit that i didnt miss my family, cuz i dont think i still appreciate them enough (yes im a bad son)..

so yea, i did get over it, mostly because i did talk to certain ppl, and got emails from d ppl i missed d most, which really made me feel better..was moving along alright, getting back to getting use to life, but NOW im startting to emo again, cuz yea i got my issues, and i do miss ppl back home (d same ppl) and now i really am starting to appreciate my family..

anyway, im getting fed up that i keep emoing..mostly d reason y im emoing is cuz im beating myself up for not being able to perform d best that i can..it is really affecting me, but yea no one can help me now..im tired of the fact that im never good enough, based on my judgements, and d worse part is that i tend to project my expectations of myself as also what God wants me to be like..im tired of being judged my others, and also judging others..i noe we always say things like, "you can share with confidence, and you wont be judged" but i noe that it is not true, cuz deep down in our heart we do judge, i can see it in ppl when they make a judgement..i do it to..

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
We're both such magnifacent liars.
So crush me baby, I'm all ears.

~ You Know How I Do - Taking Back Sunday~

i think that is it.. im tired of being nice all the time..cuz when im nice, what it means is that im not allowing myself to act as what i truly believe..FOR example, you noe how i end my posts with a lot of, "if u think this post is about you, it isnt.."? yea, im tired of not writing about ppl that are bugging me, cuz i dont want to hurt their feelings, well, yea i am tired of walking on egg shells all d time..im tired of masking up..yea, im just sick of being tired, and tired of being sick...just like d line of that song..

so yea, what is this post about? it is about my inadequacies AND it is about ppl passing judgement..this post is talking about EVERYBODY who passes judgement..i NOE i do..and well, if you think this post doesnt affect you, so be it..if it does, think again..u sure im talking about you?

a disclaimer that i thought of a little later then when i posted this..not everyone i've met my whole life is judgmental..so, if u really dont think this post is about u, it isnt..

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:7

Cheers and God Bless..

It's a Wonderful Life

2009-08-03T16:37:00.002+09:30

It truly is a wonderful life.. this is like d few movie reviews that i do..but yea this movie OWNED..can see why it is Jo's favourite movie of all time..kind of the reason why i watched it..haha..have to admit i did tear up at the end of the movie and apparently im quite stone when it comes to watching movies..awesome movie..dont think i will rate it, cuz different ppl look for different things in a movie..but yea, d storyline was great, although it was 2 hours plus, i didnt feel d length of the movie, it really kept me interested..it is definitely a great classic, must watch at least once..

Cheers and God Bless

You have ur jocks, goths and nerds...then u have Caleb..

2009-07-30T23:03:00.004+09:30

Dont u guys think this is a weird pic? or is it just me? k la, maybe not weird, but seems like a pic from the 80's..cool, google existed in the 80's..haha..

ANYWAY..yea, u noe all those facebook quizzes they have? yea, did one like that was about what type of person i am in class..guess wat i got..the class social! like SUPER WHAT THE CRAP??! could it get anymore wrong?? (and yes, i noe facebook quizzes are done for fun, but it got me thinking..haha) but yea, if u were in my class, i always just sat in my place, n basically just talked to the ppl just around me..

so k, that might make me the "good boy" in class, which i dont think i am too..cuz i never really did homework..but i rarely got scolding from my teachers..so does that make me the "teacher's pet"? well, no, cuz teachers never really talked to me or even give me hints or special attention AND also i have a teacher who hates my guts (and also the rest of me)..some teachers didnt even remember my name..so im the "quiet guy"..well, i guess so..so there is 1 label there..but usually d quiet ones are the ones that get bullied..and i did get bullied, but only in standard 4..after which i made friends with my bullies and the gang of us did our own things..n yea, i was nasty then..so i was the "bully" but im too small sized to be one, n also im like d nice guy who tries to help ppl also..

What else is there? was i the "smart guy"? no, definitely not..haha..was i the "jock" or the "sports guy"? well, i did enjoy sports, and i did represent my school for cricket, only because the school just started out with the cricket club, and it was really easy to represent the school, so i dont think it counts..i was definitely the "band guy" (no i dont want to use the term band geek) because, in Malaysia, being in the band is one of the alright things to be in, because it required a lot of strength, stamina and determination..what else is there? was i the "nerd"? well, i wasnt the smart kind, as mentioned earlier, neither was i the kind into books or si-fi stuff..so i would say, no..er, wat else? "goth"? er, no.."emo"? The "troubled-one"? no, i was pretty carefree..the "lazy one"?well, maybe..but i was really hardworking on the field, be it football or band..the "weird one"? well no, cuz i blended in with the crowd pretty easily..the "comedian" or "class clown"? Only when i was in the mood, but it was not easy making the class laugh..so i guess thats a no.. the "prefect"? well, i should have been one, but i wasnt so thats a no..The "trouble-maker"? well, i had my fair share of pranks, but im not known for that..so no.."bad boy"? er, not really, i think i would disgrace the name if i said i was..haha..oh, how could i forget, "attention seeker/social butterfly"? DEFINITELY NOT..

man that is a lot..haha..so what have i got? band guy and quiet guy..but yea, im sure u guys get it by now..anyway, what i think i was in school was the good bad boy as well..as in, i mixed with the bad boys, but i didnt part take in their activities..yea, i was good enough not to be known as notorious by everyone, but i wasnt all that good too, in which somehow i did get the respect of the bad boys also..so yea, i guess that was what i was..haha..never thought i would say this, but i miss school days..

Cheers and God Bless

Godspeed- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

2009-07-27T13:29:00.004+09:30

Its January 1970, do you remember me
You put me on a boat across the sea, in the name of victory
But much to my surprised when I arrived, there was no welcoming committee
Instead there was a man for me to kill, and now I see all this too real

Then I saw him standing with a bayonet
and as I ran towards him he hardly broke a sweat
When I took his life he fell to his knees
And as his eyes began to fade he whispered softly

Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stamped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days
And so are you

I'm in his pocket that I saw the picture of his children and his family
And I began to realize this person I despised, in actuality
Was not much different from myself
we porbably could have taught each other many things
And now I know its much too late although I couldn't hesistate
I checked his gun, and his chamber was empty

Then I saw him standing with a bayonet
and as I ran towards him he hardly broke a sweat
When I took his life he fell to his knees
And as his eyes began to fade he whispered softly

Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stamped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days
And so are you

o-ho
We know not what we've done
And o-ho
We know not what we've done

Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stamped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days
And so are you

BB life

2009-07-23T00:21:00.005+09:30

Well, some ppl would think that BB life is quite fun, u get to hang out with your close bunch of friends

Or even cuz u get to win competitions

Or even you get to perform with celebrities

But there are some would also say that BB isnt all fun, it is about drill

Or it is about working hard to achieve goals

But yea, as you have seen, i've grown from the beginning to now, and as an officer I realize what BB is truly about..

Its about building character, and not just any character, but Christian character..

The advancement of Christ's among members and the promotion of habits of obedience, reverence, discipline and self-respect and all that tends to a true christian character

thats the BB motto, which I really must admit am finding difficult recalling and what i have wrote is straight from my memory..i really do hope it is not wrong..but yea, starting out as a boy, BB was about learning skills, and also through drill and band, discipline is ingrained in me, and it becomes practiced..but yea life back then was pretty easy, because it was all about me, well, kind of..but yea, when you join in the officer's council, things just change..

suddenly, its not about you and what you want..Which is why BB officers try to teach boys to follow the Will of God..and yea, i found that really difficult, because i was placed in the Juniors' section, which requires me to teach primary school boys, something im still not use to..

anyway, after awhile, i realize that its not about what I want but what He wants, so my perspective started to change, and i serve where ever I am needed..yea, that is all my experience in BB, now that I am out of BB, well, more like im in the outside world, and I realize, all that I've learnt in BB has to be seen rite? I mean, go through all that training, its life changing experience man, so I should be different..so far, I am really hoping that what people see when they see me is to 1st, see that I am a christian, and 2nd that im BB..

the actual reason i wanted to post this was because, yea its been awhile since i posted anything, and also, i wanted to share the hard life of a BB member as well..well, what i've experienced as well, and also i would dare say, most BB members who are still serving..the number 1 challenge for me is that I am bound to a life of discipline, because I am an example to my boys, and as i said earlier, i want to reflect what BB boys are..anyway yea, I have to be bound to my values, which at times are difficult, and yea being out of BB for such a long time, im starting to become complecent and i have neglected my values

so yea, thats my life..well, another page in the book anyway..but yea BB is awesome..just as what Mr Wong have introduced when we were trying to run the recruitment drive back a couple of years ago, we came up with d 3 aspects of BB that will be experienced and also will be taught, which are Character, Leadership and Brotherhood..and here, being asked to help organize guys' ministry, i realize that these 3 qualities are what christian men should be or have..from this, i realize how great the BB really is..Thank you God..

Cheers and God Bless

WHAT D CRAPPPP??!

2009-07-05T00:38:00.002+09:30

click the picture, it should be a lot clearer.. but yea, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??! some random website is using my blog as a source?

i just decided to google my own blog title, and true enough i found this..

The Perfect Girl..

2009-07-04T23:49:00.003+09:30

yea, when looking for a photo to put up for this post, yea, soo many other pictures came up..u had your blond girls (which in Western cultures find them more attractive than other hair colours), then you had your breasts sizes, and yea unfortunately your naked girls (which apparently moderate safe search does not filter out) and yea, so i chose this pic not cuz i find it the most attractive, but more like it was the best of the choices..

anyway, the reason for this post is because on the way home today in the car, i got interogated..yea, all stemmed from d question "do u have a girlfriend?" n yea d obvious answer followed which led to "so what is ur ideal girl?" then gone..yea im am affected by this, cuz yea had a bad experience (to those who know the whole story, well as much as i want to be macho and say im not affected, i cant cuz then i would be lying and denying it), and well i never really thought of it for a long time..so yea, i was thinking of my ideal girl but yea, nothing came to mind..n no that does not mean i am gay..(to those childish ppl..CM..)but yea, cuz i've made a deal with God about this and i trust Him to find someone for me, so i dont have a picture in mind cuz, if i did, then it doesnt really mean that i am asking God to find someone for me is it? not sure if u guys get what im saying..but yea..

well, if u guys are wondering what i asnwered fo the questions, well i said emo as an answer, where at least be understanding to my emotions and also is aware and expresses their own emotions..but yea, when i look at girls d 1st thing i look for is personality and character..then yea move on to physical appearance..

anyway yea, i need to post this up, cuz if i dont, i will be up d whole nite thinking about it..but yea, dont really like talking about this topic..cuz mostly i dont noe how to answer d questions..its between me n God..(and to those few who do noe)

Cheers n no worries mate!

When God shuts a door...

2009-07-03T02:21:00.003+09:30

yea, remember d post i put up like a couple of weeks ago? well, if you dont here is d link

so yea, d last post i put up kinda left me in a sour note, so i thought maybe post something a little more uplifting..so yea, i was like bombarded with problems left, right and center, and they were all problems of others..N yea, it happened all d week im studying for my exam..so yea, my plan was that i would go for OCF on friday nite, n my exam is saturday morning, so yea it would have been a rush, but i really wanted to spend my time serving God..but yea, all d problems did kinda screw up my plans, cuz that time i was supposed to study, but i kept getting or hearing like new problems that others are facing, so that kinda like got me thinking about them.. so yea, kept from studying..

SO i was kinda down that i had to skip OCF to catch up on my studies, mostly cuz that meant i would spend d time studying than worshipping God..anyway, during OCF time, about 9pm, just after i posted that post, my friend came online n yea, started chatting with him and he also had a problem..so yea, i did all i can do as a friend, just listen n give advice, in which my friend felt it was good advice, and it kinda helped him with his problem..and yea, after that i realized, i was really REALLY super focused and can study properly, cuz all i needed is to be able to do something for ppl who need help..i didnt even know that i needed that..but God did, and i can see that everything was ochestrated so that i would skip OCF to see the glory and the love of God and yea, that really rejuvinated me..

anyway yea, not sure if u guys notice but im kinda not revealing names in this post cuz i would like to keep it anonimous, cuz yea, the point of the post is about God's works and not about how severe d problem is or even how great i am at solving problems (which im not)..all glory goes to Him..

Cheers..

Trials of a Psychologist..

2009-07-02T22:36:00.003+09:30

IF only psychologists are seen as that..but yea, before i continue, this is just stuff that i face as a psychology student, and i have talked to a lot of other psychology students n also lecturers, and they say about the same thing..

so yea, what i really must say is super annoying is that when i talk to ppl, as soon as they realize that im a student of psychology, they start becoming soo careful and u can see that they are walking on egg shells when they are talking to me..it gets quite annoying cuz they already have this notion that im always analyzing them, which is wrong! psychology is not the ability to analyse ppl, that is natural, but more like systematically organising behaviour into catergories..n no we dont always do that..it really gets annoying cuz when i talk to like friends, and d 1st thing i do is of course is ask what is wrong, or even get more information about the problem that they are facing..always i get the reaction "can u stop analysing me?!" n yes, they do get a little pissed off..d problem is, im not analysing..im just being a friend..so yea, it does hurt, cuz ppl dont see me as a person anymore, but a psychologist..

well, im really not saying it is other ppls fault, cuz i do admit i do use psych knowledge in everyday life, cuz it what i learn n it is d only way for me to remember it..but yea, i dont use it all d time, and esp when it regards helping ppl, cuz 1) im not a psychologist yet, it is unethical for me to practice when i dont even know fully what im learning..n 2) it takes too much effort to be a psychologist and listen, watch and analyse every word, intonation, movement made..so yea..when friends and family face problems, my natural insticnt is to be a problem solver..so i try to fully understand the problem, cuz thats d only way for me to be able to help a person..

flip side to that, when ppl do face problems, like more psychological problems, ppl do turn to me and ask me to help these ppl..again, im not a psychologist, i cant do that..its like asking a person with an L lisense (assuming that d person never driven before in his or her life) and asking to drive from KL to Ipoh..i mean, i already feel really bad for these ppl cuz i know i cant do much to help them, the ppl around asking me to also help does not help..well, what i mean is that when i explain i cant do much, i can see that they get dissapointed with me..i mean come on man, dont tell me that i was the ace in ur pocket..

but yea, like i said la, i brought this onto myself..cuz i really like what im studying, n i do practice it cuz i want to test out n see if what i learn really is true..that is what a sciencist does..but yea, because i like to talk psych terms, and point out these stuff, ppl get such impressions..so yea, everything has a down side..it seems that the more u become a psychologist, d less u become a person..oh well, life goes on mate..

Cheers

Must watch..

2009-06-26T16:08:00.000+09:30

Its for those band ppl, n yea, if ur not into bands, check out what ur missing on..anyway, its got 5 stars on u tub, so haha..check if it is really worth it man! the first few seconds is breath-taking!

OOOO MY HOOMIEE! that looks SOOOO freakin awesome! DCI 2008!

Cheers..

Giving my best..

2009-06-26T15:37:00.003+09:30

Ppl always say, do ur best..n yea, i guess u urself will push urself hard as well..anyway yea, i just thought of this philosophical sentence, which im sure some philosophist would have already coined it, but yea here it is.."TRY to get the best, PREPARE to get the worst"..well, think about it..we do our best all d time, which u should, espcially you always give ur best to God..but if u just sat for an exam that ur not fully confident about, so yea study hard n do ur best, then after that be prepared to get the worst..of course im not saying that u will fail, but by doing this it helps keep a person in check n also humble..n yea, lets just say u do get bad results, no use crying over spilt milk rite? just check ur answers, see why it is wrong, if it is not, double check with ur lecturer or teacher or examiner..if it is wrong, understand why it is wrong, n work at it..

well, of course being a psychology student, i cannot disregard a person's feelings..well, it is pretty uncontrollable, n if u do feel dissapointed, well u should..no use denying the facts rite? if ur sad n depressed, then do what is nessacary to get out of it, work hard but DONT FORGET THE FEELING..cuz if u forget it, then u would be prone to going through failure again..a great person once said.."Emo (negative feelings) are a good thing..it shows that u can feel" - Eunice Ong..

anyway yea, haha kinda like my 3rd post in a day..on a roll eh? but yea, also really had nothing to do, so im trying to fill up time..i guess this is why Aaron posts d most random posts..haha..

on a more sullen note, a lot of ppl have commented and sent their wishes about and to MJ..well it was tragic, n just like what Ben has put up as his MSN nick, we truly know how much he has touched ppl's lives when everyone on FB n MSN n even blogs have commented and also sent their wishes to him..RIP MJ..

Cheers mates..

But I Want it NOW!!! said in a whiny kid's voice

2009-06-26T02:18:00.002+09:30

not sure about u guys, but i feel that sometimes ppl in this day and age (age not really a factor) seem to be less patient..i mean, if u think about it, d internet is getting extremely fast, like, 1MB download speed is aparently considered as slow (or maybe moderate speed, im not too savvy with this topic) but yea, now i think my internet download speed is like 500 MBs..or maybe less..i have no clue..anyway, everything needs to be done soo quickly..i mean think about it..assignments are handed back like 2 weeks later, which i find really amazing cuz its like, 200 students n each is like 2000 words, news is always updated, noodles need to be cooked instantly, n i've heard ppl complain 2 mins is too long..but yea..u get the pic..we live in a world where everything is like done soo quickly and yea, i think we might have been too accustomed to this..

what i mean is, ppl want to grow up quicker, hence start doing "grown-up" things, like dressing, smoking, drinking, driving n so on..n yea 1 thing i've kinda noticed also is that ppl want to get into relationships quickly as well..like, yea, everything needs to be instant..as in, every problem has a quick fix to it..like if u feel lonely, just go find a girl or a guy u think u like, then get settled with them..well of course, not everyone is like that, but yea, why im making this point is cuz i realize that im pretty impulsive in doing stuff..n yea, i also notice this is other ppl..i always am looking for a quick solution for all my problems, but yea not all problems can be solved instantly all d time..for example, i want to buy a bass guitar..i bought a bass that i thought i liked, cuz it was cheap n it was black, n i liked d shape..so yea, took it home, named it, kept it clean for like a couple of months, where i would wipe it every time (like a thurough wipe) i practice, but later on i noticed that i didnt like the constant maintainance, cuz it was a shiny texture, easily smuged by fingerprints, d neck was too think, hard to move up n down d fret board (for me, being a beginner bassist, that is a big thing), n the strings started to rust, cuz it was cheap..so yea, i ended up selling that bass n looking for a new bass, which fit my criteria more..

moral of the story, i was too impulsive buying d 1st bass, cuz i was too caught up with the price n other factors..but now i realize that if i just waited, tested out the basses more, i would actually know what i really want..saved money in d process..but yea, not every problem can be solved instantly..n yes, use ur imagination in my example, it does fit with another aspect of life..think think a little bit n u should realize it..

anyway, yea..haha..finally found some inspiration to blog..so yea, catch u guys around..

Cheers..

Taking back.........

2009-06-24T23:44:00.002+09:30

Oh, How i wish to end the title with sunday! (to those who dont noe, Taking Back Sunday is a rock band)

anyway, exams are over..what i have realized from this experience is that i do get stressed as well..k, i really want to take back what i have said previously that i do not get stressed..Ben, u were right i do get stressed..yea, i did post about not being stressed before, well kinda, it was more of me acting like i dont noe what it feels like...if u wanna read it here is d link

anyway, yea..i do get stressed..but d thing is i get stressed about different things, like, friends, as in problems they have, n organizing stuff..(as much as i want to not admit that, i think i should)..yea, those kind of things..but i must say that i get the MOST stressed out when im doing anything that is in relation with God and teaching or leading people in His name..because it is a HUGE thing..u really cant take things lightly..i mean, when ur teaching ANYTHING, if u dont get the right information, then ur students have ajaran sesat..so gone..its a huge responsibility..thats what leadership is about..well, 1 aspect..its not about power..

anyway yea, something new to learn..haha..anyway, continuing my post of TBS newest album songs, i want to post New Again, which is also the song name..anyway yea, i am actually singing it to myself, if that makes sense..hmmm..think that is a seperate post by itself..anyway yea..enjoy..

New Again

My dear, what long arms you have
All the better to hold you down
Slap my wrists with that sweet consequence

What are we...
What are we to do...
What are we to do with you?
What are we...
What are we to do...
What are we to do with you?

I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

My dear, what deep roots you have
(All the better to)
All the better to hold you down
We'll live inside the branches
Of your families nest, I said
"Boy, where have you been?"
Cause you don't know where I've been

What are we to(to do with you)
What are we to do with you?

I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

Don't know where I've been
Don't know where I've been
Don't know where I've been
(My dear, what long arms you have
All the better to hold you down)

I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

Don't know where I've been
No you don't know where I've been
You don't know where I've been...

I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I am ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)

Cheers

Coincidence?

2009-06-19T18:42:00.002+09:30

NOO...NOT NOW!! y is everything happening now?? I NEED TO STUDY! y???????? exam is 2moro, but im worried about everything else that is happening..GAA.....

i noe im not supposed to blog till my exam is over, but need to express myself..n yea if u really do think that this post is about...TRUST ME, it is not..if u really want to noe what it is, ask me privately..

Cheers..

Exams..

2009-06-17T00:04:00.002+09:30

Exam on 20th June and 24th June, so I SHOULDN'T be posting anything till then..

Cheers and all the best to those sitting..God Bless..

Everything Must Go

2009-06-13T02:00:00.001+09:30

We found a house with a big yard
And moved all of my things
And most of your things, in
And honey I was proud of it
Honey I was proud of, you

You quote the Good Book,
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense
No you don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud

Some boxes, that
Hand-me-down couch, and chair
That used to be at your church
We borrowed them from there
A cabinet record player with nothing but James Taylor
Two carpets from the corner store
Cover the hardwood floor
I'd be a fool to ask for more...

You quote the Good Book,
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense
No you don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud

You quote the Good Book,
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense
No you don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud

And honey i was proud of you
Instead you're slashing through the mud

The love you had was good enough
The past that we were stuck between
But so much stuff must go tonight,
Oh Lord, what have I done?

You quote the Good Book,
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense
No you don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud

Situations

2009-06-12T13:52:00.001+09:30

Situations are irrelevant now.
She loves the way that I tease,
I love the way that she breathes.

I touched her ooh!
She touched my ahhh!
It was the craziest thing!

I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me.
A certain girl, she took my hand, and ran it up her thigh
She licked her lips and pulled my hair; I fall in love for a night.

She can't behave,
And I'm just a slave.
Don't worry- I'll be gone when the morning comes.

Darling, what is going on?
Honestly, that never happened; lying is your favorite passion.
Leave me- go where you belong,
Higher heels and lipstick napkins, dying is your latest fashion.

The frustration, it's a regular thing
I hate the ones who love to hate because they're just like me.
A certain girl, she took her hand, and put in my lap
It's way too full, she said once you have me, you'll always come back.

She can't behave and, I'm just a slave,
Don't worry; I'll be gone when the morning comes.

Darling, what is going on?
Honestly, that never happened
Lying is your favorite passion
Leave me- go where you belong
Higher heels and lipstick napkins,
Dying is your latest fashion.

I know you love to insist, and all it takes is a kiss, and you just
Love to hate me.

You know you love all the lies, so don't act surprised that I just
Love to hate you.

I kissed your lips you pulled my hair it was the craziest thing.
I love the girls who love to hate. (Breathing)

(Whoa! ) Darling, what is going on?
Honestly that never happened
Lying is your favorite passion
Leave me- go where you belong
Higher heels and lipstick napkins
Dying is your latest fashion

Darling (leave me) what is going on?
Honestly, that never happened
Lying is your favorite passion
Leave me(darling) go where you belong
Higher heels and lipstick napkins,
Dying is your favorite PASSION!

New Again....

2009-06-07T22:45:00.005+09:30

I noe I've told ppl (more like ben) that i didnt think i would like this album, and that it wasnt as good as Louder Now..but yea, i take it back man..it is sooo FREAKIN ROCKS!! n yea bought the album on the 6th of June, one day later then the release date in aussieland..so yea, i think i will definitely post up lyrics of the songs..like d next few posts..

n d DVD is alright also..they talked about each song and also the vibe and some little facts about each song..

The albums I bought..both are like, awesome!..^

On the note of music (no pun intended) i just attended a concert thing which was done by my friend's class, where she is studying music, so yea, they had bands come n play, and i finally did something smart and recorded it! so yea, here is a taste of australian rock..haha..n yea, another guy, well, not really rock, but his skills is damn good la..

Yup, thats all from me..

Cheers and Rocking OUT!!

Revealation in Progress..

2009-06-07T00:12:00.003+09:30

Unfortunately, this picture does not justify how im actually feeling..but it is the closest.. i get sick of ppl..yes, it is a pretty mean n inconsiderate thing to say, but yea, that is how i feel, n i do need to express it..but yea, before i make a mess out of this, let me clear that the ppl i get sick of are ppl that have annoying habits, or ppl i generally dont like..n yea, there are some ppl i just dont like, but yea, forced to spend time with them, n yea, well, i get sick of them pretty easily..

anyway, yea, most of the ppl i call friends are cool..n those i call close friends, i would just love to spend a life time with them (family is the same)..but yea, reason why i get sick of people is because since form 4, i've always had like, 3 separate groups of ppl that i would interact with..Monday to Fridays, coll ppl, Friday afternoons and saturdays, BB ppl, Friday Nights and Sundays, church ppl..so yea, its like 3 different groups of ppl, n of course that is excluding my family..so yea, i didnt really get sick of ppl..

There are times i just want to just break away from ppl..like, possibly be with different ppl, or even just be by myself..so yea, wanna just be alone, catch up with close friends..quite contridictary rite? but yea, thats d problem n also the reason y im blogging..cuz its a feeling that confuses me..Maybe i just want to spend time with God..something i havent done in some time..i guess that is it..

P.S. If u think that this post is about you,trust me, it is not..

Cheers..

Wish I dont have to sleep..

2009-06-06T01:13:00.003+09:30

feeling super emo now..k la,more like quite emo..n its d good kind of emo..as in, i want to be emo..yea..nothing much i can say..love d feeling..wish that i dont have to go to sleep, cuz if i do, then the feeling is gone..must be because of all the music that im listening to..but yea..not sure if u guys noe wat im talking about..think ben does..but yea..emo time..

I'll Let You Live

2009-06-05T17:48:00.005+09:30

The first degree was a riot
You were making sure
My lesson's learned
I'm not ashamed but i'm trying
I've come to expect the standards you have set...
Tell me just how dangerous is second best
You've Settled for less and i'm sure you'll settle again

There's no stopping me
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)
There's no stopping this...
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)

The closer that i look is just the further that you get
Already stubborn skin thickens
In attempt to understand
Understand.

There's no stopping me
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)
There's no stopping this...
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)

you got tired (got tired)
of waiting around (of waiting),
When the guilt subsides well the night begins...
and i know its not what you deserve

Came as a gift from a good friend (a good friend)
That disapproves
But understands
That you represent
And actively encourage
All of my worst habits
They all are proof
That we're both capable of the most terrible things
"Don't test me!"

There's no stopping me
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)
There's no stopping this...
I'm gutting you out (does this make you feel safe)

you got tired (got tired)
of waiting around (of waiting),
The guilt subsides well the night begins...
and i know its not what you deserve (x2)

well I know its not what you deserve (its not what you deserve)
well I know its not what you deserve (well i know its not what you deserve)

The Tetris of Life..

2009-05-31T23:01:00.002+09:30

I find that my life has been a lot like the game tetris..where things fall into place and they start to make sense to me.. a lot like a jigsaw puzzle..like for example, I did the ADP program, which stands for American Degree Program..n yea, i was supposed to go to USA to study..Minnesota..but yea, something just didnt feel right about USA, although it is a nice country..so i prayed about it, and i had a feeling that God wanted me to go to Australia..in which i did go to, n i can see now why He wanted me to come here..God noes that im still not spiritually mature enough to be leading groups of people, especially in BB..so here I am, just learning how to be a better leader, both spiritually and practically..k, how do i noe that Adelaide would have been a better choice than Bemidji? mostly because of the people that im surrounded with..here there are ppl who are looking out for me, spiritually, n yea, a lot of Malaysians here..n God noes that im pretty easily persuaded..i truly cant say that that Bemidji was gonna be totally different, but i do believe this is God's plan for me..to study and to prepare myself for the future..

The Nepal trip was another tetris experience for me..I mean, it was a pretty impulsive decision i made, but yea, the trip was at the end of my course, and i had a 1 week study break, so i would be back just in time for my finals..in which that it self is quite a risky decision to make..honestly, i didnt want to go for the trip, because of my grades, and also around a year before that, i failed 2 subjects, and i didnt want to repeat that..but yea, that was a test of faith for me, i always say things like, "trust in God" n " He will provide" but i didnt truly believe in this myself..but yea..somehow i managed to go..the whole trip was really God showing us His omnipotency..he really was in control of the entire trip, we were all safe n came back in one piece..it also was very humbling when i fell sick during the trip, where we were already at the village, and i had food poisoning, n I was wondering, "why do You let me fall sick?" "I came all the way, to do Your work, n You allowed me to fall sick?"..but yea, i realize now that God was demonstrating His power to me..that even with a man down (came to a point where almost 3-4 ppl were sick at once, n there is 10 ppl), the work can get done..so yea, when i came home, i did pray and i did study..ended up getting my usual results..Praise God..

but yea..in that moment in time, we dont really realize why is such a thing is happening.."Why do i feel its not right to go to US?" "Why did i fall sick?"..but yea, just give it time, n u will see what is the end product..this is where faith comes in, n yea, Caleb means faithful..so yea, I want to live up to my name..Always honour God first..so yea..now I feel that God wants me to finish me studies first..another jigsaw piece in my life or to better fit the theme of this post, another tetris block piece in my life..

Cheers n God Bless..

ass+u+me= ??

2009-05-27T23:36:00.003+09:30

Something interesting came up when i was having one of my arguments with Aaron Wong (truce brother man!) where i made d infamous quote "to assume is to make an ass out of u and me" but then he said, "yes, but when u try to guess or predict something, u do assume" in which got me thinking about the idea more than continuing d argument..because it is true..we do assume when we try to guess and predict..

so yea, wat made me forget the argument (it was another pointless argument i usually have, but usually i dont get disctracted by anything till someone wins d argument..) was the question, "is assuming bad?"

so yea, is it bad? k, again, it depends on what u define assuming is..so yea, my definition of assumption is making an educated guess or soft evidence (feelings, hunches) backing up a statement..now d 1st thing i must emphasize is that i do not say that assumptions are foolproof or even true..so based on that definition, i would say assumptions are good to a certain extent..y do i say so? well, i've organized my fair share of events, and one thing i noticed is that i LOVE to predict events that could occur..by doing so, i will be able to plan for it then the event would be 1 step more smoother..so yes, when i try to predict, i ASSUME that the senario would happen, then think of ways to overcome the issue..so yea, that stops that senario from occuring..

now, that is the more productive use of assuming..what i feel is the more productive use of assuming..what i feel is the problem with most ppl's definitions of assumption is that it is true..for example, husband and wife arguing because the husband didnt buy the right gift for the wife for their anniversary because the husband assumed that the wife just wanted chocolates, but she atcually wanted to go have a romantic dinner..so yea, how did the husband assume that? because he has been buying the same thing for years, and the wife never said anything till 15 years down the road..so yea, the husband assumed that the wife liked just getting chocolates, because of the history, but it did not mean it was something the wife actually wanted..

usually when i assume, i always prepare to be wrong n correct myself, cuz i made an assumption without hard evidence...n of course i dont get angry when ppl make assumptions about me, cuz again, there is no hard evidence..

so yea, thats all for now..Glory Glory Man UNITED!!!

Cheers..

How to be perfectly Miserable?

2009-05-11T00:31:00.002+09:30

This is a list made by a psychologist called Albert Ellis, who is quite famous in the counseling world..found this extremely interesting..so yea..i didnt find this in an email or made it myself, it is taken from my tutorial handout.. so yea, credit goes to him..

How to Be Perfectly Miserable:

1) Think about urself
2) Talk about urself
3) Use "I" as often as possible
4)Mirror urself continually in the opinion of others
5) listen greedily to what ppl say about u
6) Expect to be appreciated
7) be suspicious
8)be jealous and envious
9) be sensitive to slights
10) Trust no-one but urself
11) Never forgive criticism
12) Demand agreement with ur views on everything
13) Insist on consideration and respect
14) Sulk if ppl are not grateful to u for favours shown to them
15) Never forget a service u may have rendered
16) Be on the lookout for a good time for urself
17) Shirk ur duties if u can
18) Do as little as possible for others
19) Love urself supremely
20) be selfish

FBC Subang Building Fundraiser Concert Opening

2009-05-05T14:08:00.003+09:30

To those who don't noe who is in d vid, it is Ben Jon on guitar (long hair guitarist), Ju-Hann, Lee on guitar as well, Jadon Wong (better known as Yih Ren) on drums, Eunice "Mouse" Ong on piano/keyboard, Michelle Fong, Rachel Tan, and Amanda Shiew as female vocalists, Vei Shaun and Thomas "Tommy" Yap as male vocalists..haha..oo, n the Most perasan bassist u can think of on bass..

come to think of it, i cant believe i said that i felt i was better than the other bassist that day..my reasoning was because i felt i moved around stage more, but as u can see, i also quite barely move..so sorry about that to ppl who are offended by that statement..im a freakin noob at bassing..haha..but all in all, it was a great concert! something i will cherish forever..

Cheers

Stockholm Syndrome by Muse

2009-05-04T22:51:00.002+09:30

I won't stand in your way
let your hatred grow
and she'll scream
and she'll shout
and she'll pray
and she had a name
yeah she had a name

and I won't hold you back
let your anger rise
and we'll fly
and we'll fall
and we'll burn
no one will recall
no one will recall

this is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could

look to the stars
let hope burn in your eyes
and we'll love
and we'll hope
and we'll die
all to no avail
all to no avail

this is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could

this is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could
I wish I could

K, im actually quite in love with this song at the moment..haha..but yea, did some research about the meaning of the song (from Wiki) and it said that the song is about a hostage situation, k, for those who dont noe wat the Stockholm Syndrome is, it is a psychological condition where the victims in a hostage situation will start to take sympathy and start to help their captors to achieve their goal or goals..yes sounds stupid but its a real condition, n i think that we all will fall for it..

anyway, so that is wat wiki said the song is about , but i somehow feel that it is about a guy who has fallen in love with a girl, which he doesnt want to fall in love with, but somehow becomes a hostage to her..and so he starts to fall for her, and so thats wat i think this song is about..really is a sad song..cuz u can tell that the ending is gonna be bad..emo song..that is my interpretation..enjoy..n yes, go listen to it..

Cheers

Uniquely Similar

2009-05-03T00:21:00.004+09:30

im not sure about u guys, but for me, i always here stuff like, "U are Unique!" or "everybody is different!" n at times i hear, "everybody is the same" "it is the norm"..so which is it? I kinda looked up for pics that are relevant to uniqueness, most of the pics are quite similar to the pic above..all d things are the same shape, just one thing is a different colour..

Anyway yea, ppl always say stuff like, "oh, this only happens to me" and also like, "oh, u wont get it" and i will admit i use to think that wat i went through is something special, n that noone else can understand what im going through..but now, having grown older, i realize, what i go through, there is bound to be at least another person who has gone through something quite similar..so it should be relatable..also we learn in psychology (mostly developmental psych) that adolescents always think that what they go through is unique, and that they noone will get them..wont go into d explanation to this phenomenon, mostly cuz its quite long, and dont i dont really have the time to go to in depth..so yea, if u want to find out more, just look it up..

the thing is, we are not as unique as we would like to think we are..of course my theory is that we think in such away cuz we want to feel significant..cuz yea, again i think that we have this innate desire to feel as if we matter to the world..and well, society doesnt really help by saying stuff as i said earlier..of course the point of all that is said earlier is to motivate ppl and if u think about it, it is quite manipulative cuz u are telling ppl that they are unique so that they will work harder or whatever..but of course it is not all bad, cuz some ppl do need motivation..but yea, to the extent of covering up the ACTUAL truth? K, before moving on further, the question im asking now is are we REALLY all that unique? to an extent, yes, BUT the problem is that some ppl always think in black and white, n not think along a spectrum..so its either ur unique, or ur not at all..like the pic above, why cant we be unique and be similar at the same time? just in different aspects..

Also the pic below also kinda puts things into perspective a little..being unique just isnt always the best thing to be..so how now?

The Bible states that we are all special in God's eyes..but i dont think that means that we are that different from each other down here on earth..the point is to say that God noes us individually, and we are ALL special to him, not that just because we are different from each other, we are special to God..God doesnt love us less just because we worship in a similar fashion as the person next to us, just make sure that u mean it when u worship..

k, the reason for this post is mostly because i am quite annoyed with the way some ppl think that they are soo special..n yea, sometimes these ppl will say "o, u wont get my problem, cuz ur not me" i mean yea, k, i may not have gone through ur problem, but doesnt mean i wouldnt act the same way as u rite?

haiz, yet another post that feels like im not making sense..got too emotional and that kinda made me not have things to write about..anyway, all said is just my opinions, if i said something wrong, please correct me, or anything..

Cheers..

Sprinkles of Malaysia..

2009-04-28T15:49:00.002+09:30

One of the reasons why u havent really much updates and also visits to blogs is because everytime i go to my blog, or to others blog, my internet disconnects..(quite potong stim reason rite?) but yea that is d reason i dont really visit much now..so yea..haha..dont mean to put down the internet in malaysia, mostly cuz i always got better internet back home than what i have here..so yea..

anyway when i go walking around the city, i sometimes forget that im in Adelaide..maybe cuz im mixing with all malaysian and singaporean ppl and we always go to chinatown..cuz when i look around i see a lot of asian ppl..n then the tempreature hits me, n in my mind i think "why is Malaysia so cold?" then i realize..haha..also when im at the OCF store room (which is actually Erwin's, Adrian's, and Aaron's apartment, friends of mine to those who dont noe them) we will play the Negaraku..haha..so yea..patriotic or not?

So yea, im not really affected much by homesickness, cuz i dont think i left home..thats wat i think i feel la, could be wrong..n just to make things clear, im talking about how i feel now..i did feel a little homesick when i first arrived, mostly cuz friends, family, comforts n DOGS!!! are not here anymore..but yea, everything else im cool..dont really miss the food, cuz i can have it here..just a bit pricy la..like a bowl of laksa noodles (which taste exactly like curry mee) costs AU$7.50 which is about the standard price of food here..

k, what made me start thinking about this was when a friend took us to a malaysian cuisine restaurant and there we were all talking about good malaysian food around malaysia, whats good where, and the others started feeling homesick, n i was like, "ok..cool.." maybe cuz im not really a huge fan of food..but yea, like late nite mamak sessions, dont really miss it also, cheap CCs, not soo much..

Ooo well..see u guys around, and again sorry i dont update that often..

Cheers..

Easter Camp..

2009-04-15T00:26:00.002+09:30

just got back from Easter camp..n yea, i now get wat ben meant by how he felt not organizing a camp or being in charge of anything..u get to enjoy the entire camp..so yea..but that is not why i wanted to post about Easter camp..

This camp really was the first time where i am actually grateful about what happened at Calvary..i mean, when i go for funerals, i always cry for the person that has passed away, but i think about it, why dont i cry for Jesus? he died for our sins..WHICH we dont even deserve such an act of love..so i this camp, I finally am able to appriciate the act..of course i believe God doesnt want us to cry for Him, cuz Jesus rose on the 3rd day..but still, from that question, it led me to seeking a new reason of living..Thank you Jesus..

i noe that sounds pretty duh, but too all those who call themselves Christians, do u truly, and i mean TRULY, appriciate Jesus? u can go on thousands of mission trips, or sing all the praise songs in the world, but if u dont TRULY mean it, it is all useless..

i find it funny that i noe ppl tend to just put God and being a Christian in like a separate box in their mind, where they just live thier lives with their own philosophies, and dont live according to what the Bible says, and when they come to a problem or a dilemma, n u tell them, "what does the Bible say?" i can almost guarantee that these ppl will be like, " but the Bible cant help me with this problem" although they dont say it, u can tell they are thinking it..i wont lie, i use to be such a person..thats y i can almost guarantee this..

So yea, every Easter, I always like over look it, cuz it was "just" Easter to me.."the day Jesus died"..that would be the answer when ppl ask me what it is..it really felt like any other day..but now i truly get it why it is not an ordinary day..

If ur someone like me, who doesnt understand and appriciate Jesus, try to think of it this way, Jesus came down to earth to teach us all away to get into heaven..he came down, to help us ALL get into heaven, and wat do we do? We spat at him, mocked him, whipped him, ripped his clothes, strung him up to a cross, n not only strung him there, but nailed him there, and left him to die, for teaching us the correct way of getting to heaven..the Jews brought him to the Roman Governor at that time, and this Governor knew Jesus was innocent, but he didnt do anything to stop Jesus being crusified..

so yea, how do we be grateful? by following what he thought us..thats all he asked of us..yea its a big thing, but it makes u ask this question, is it worth it? is it worth following Jesus? The Man who died for no reason, other than to carry the burden of OUR sins, so that we are clean..
Thank You, Jesus, and this time, I truly mean it..

Cheers

This Made Me Jump Around Last Night..

2009-04-06T14:57:00.002+09:30

MACHEDA!!! U LITTLE RIPPER!!

what do u see?

2009-04-03T01:50:00.002+10:30

Life..sooo many things have been said on how life is, how u should appreciate it, how life is futile, how much it sucks..n im sure wat im about to say is something someone else has already said, so why bother saying it again? cuz i dont noe who said it, n i dont intend to go find who said what im about to say n quote the person..this is personal philosophy..

anyway, life is like a Rorschach ink blot test (the pic above) where it depends on what u focus on, that is what life is gonna be like for u..if u see negative stuff, then u will focus on negative stuff, n u will only notice negative stuff happening to u..best example i can think off..u noe how if ur having a good or bad day, n ur out for a drive..if it is a bad day, u find that u get stopped by all d traffic lights that u pass by..while when ur having a good day, the lights are almost always green..k, not sure about u guys, but it happens to me..n so one day i did an experiment, when i had a good day, i counted all d traffic lights n checked how many lights are green n how many force me to stop..did the same thing on a bad day..of course i had to take out some variables, like some lights queue u to stop the next light, no matter what the out come is, or they are queued so that u would get green at the next..so i found that there was no SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE..the world goes on without u having good or bad days..

so yea, what is d best outlook to have on life then? positive? negative? well, positive, u might become unrealistic, but negative makes u dark on the inside..like i said before, in like a super old post about being a realist..basically its a mix of both..well, that is my opinion, of course u cant help it sometimes where d world just is out to get u, n u just become soo negative..so yea, play by ear..always remember, "what would Jesus do?" (er, im kinda like forcing myself to post about this, so yea, doesnt feel like my usual ramblings)

Cheers..

Nobody wants to play bass??

2009-03-28T21:24:00.004+10:30

like seriously, nobody wants to play bass..why? k, i came over here, n went for OCF (overseas christian fellowship) n tell ppl that i play bass, n the first thing they say is, "WOW! u noe there is a shortage of bassists here" n im thinking to myself, "again?" back home in church, there was a shortage as well, n that led me to pick up the bass..k, there is actually a lot of ppl who play bass in church, but most of them play another instrument as their first instrument..bass is just a back up..to my knowledge, there is 3 ppl who play bass as their 1st instrument..at least i think..

i really dont get why ppl just dont want to play bass..is it that boring? i dont think so..k, maybe ppl dont see the significance of playing bass..honestly, if u only had 2 instruments to pick for ur band, u pick the guitar and d bass or maybe d keyboard n drums..cuz d bass provides the beat for d song..n to me, the bass also provides the energy to a song, it has a very indirect affect to a song..a strong affect..a song can sound empty if the bass doesnt play..

im not sure la..ppl like always want to play an instrument that is a little more glam..like, d guitar, cuz it gives d tune of the song..haha..crap, lost track of wat im saying..but yea, bass isnt that bad..thats all im trying to put out..its not JUST BASS..

cheers

Confessions of a Shopaholic..

2009-03-28T18:14:00.003+10:30

now, im not reviewing the movie...haha..i am confessing..WHOA! A GUY CAN BE A SHOPOHALIC??!!! (this does not compute..*%#@BOOOMMM!!!!$#%@*)..yea, as stereotypical we are, even guys can be shopaholics..n d best part is, i didnt noe this till i came over to aussieland..a suuuper expensive place to learn such a thing..yes, i do regret spending all that money..but thank God i caught it at an early stage..i didnt really spend THAT much yet, as in, im still within budget my mum gave me, but still i should have a lot more balance than what i have now..well, i dont really want to disclose how much i spent and how much i have, due to lack of security on the net..

but yea, y did i fall into such a thing? 1 is because when i arrived here in adelaide, i felt like i was on holiday..like seriously..thats y i went out buying stuff, without keeping track of my accounts..of course a lot of the things are necessities, but i was rather carefree when it came to buying things of leisure..so yea, what did i spend d money on? k, 1) me joining a gym, without calculating the grand cost..2) snacks, as i buy stuff that dont really last me that long, but they cost a bit..as in, i spend 5 bucks on chocolates, that last my 1 day..where i can spend that same 5 bucks on chocolates that last me, 1-2 weeks..bad planning..3) k, ben would kill me if i didnt say this (well actually he wouldnt..like he says, "it is your money, u spend it how u want" but i noe deep down, he cares..haha..n tnx ben again for being able to agree to disagree..) i spent the money on buying albums..k, 1st things first, i do not regret buying the cd's..but i actually could have held up longer to buy them back home, where they are cheaper..i was rather impulsive about buying, again, not thinking of the consequences of my actions..

so yea, this is my confessions..moral of the story, PLAN MY FINANCES FIRST..check if i have money first, before buying anything..again, i thank God that i am not in debt..

Cheers and learn from my mistakes..dont fall in the same trap..

Some Where I Belong..

2009-03-23T23:46:00.002+10:30

it is always something that annoys us, drives us to act in certain ways..i mean think about it, why do ppl support football clubs? why do ppl fight for their country? why is there racism? well, this is in accordance of the social identity theory, which states that ppl form groups and anything that is within the norm's, is considered as in group, n what is not is considered as out group activity or something or other..so yea, even this theory makes u think, why is there in groups n out groups?

well, i guess this is my variation to a psych theory (psychoanalytic theory), but i think that one of our innate needs that we need to have met is the desire to belong to something..now im almost 100% sure that i've covered this in one of my classes, but i havent really looked up any theory or journals to support this, mostly cuz it is rather late, n im too lazy to do so..but yea..here is my opinion on the matter..anyway, continuing all this questioning, now the question is, why do we have a need to belong to something?

when i first thought of that question, wat came to my mind is that when something belongs to u, u are like the owner of that thing, like ur phone, or any object..so from there i thought, "hmm, isn't this like, proof that God exist?" well, mostly i was thinking it in the argument of the existance of God..so yea, y do we affiliate ourselves with things or groups or ppl? so my argument is, we as human beings know that we need to belong to something or someone..but it is too deeply ingrained in our unconcsious for us to noe that we belong to God..

maybe we dont noe that we belong to God per se..but i think that we do noe that we belong to something, therefore we go looking for things that we think we belong to..but yea, im not saying that belonging to a group is bad..it is perfectly natural for us to do so..now ppl are prejudiced against ppl who are not in their group, they of course treat them differently, start hating them (not all ppl hate), just because they are different..i believe that why we have these prejudices is because we want to be in d right group..n we feel that we have made the right choice when more ppl join d same group as u, so that shows that what u believe in, or whatever, it would make it seem that the group u joined is correct..and this is also one of the causes of peer pressure..of course we all dont act in such extreme ways, but it makes us feel better to noe that someone we meet is also apart of the same "group" as we are..

but yea, i do believe that we all are prejudiced, against races, against religion, sports, sporting clubs..whatever it is, we are..d question is now, how do u define ur prejudices? for example, i define racism as bad treatment against a particular race or races, n by bad treatment i do mean stereotyping them, verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, n so on..so by that standards, i do believe im not a racist..but if it is defined as, judging a person based on his or her ethnicity, then i am guilty of being racist, because when i see a person, i first recognize whether the person is male or female, n what ethnicity..to an extent, the world wants us to be racists (by this standards) like when a crime happens n u are a witness, they will ask u to describe the criminal to the police..so u when u say the ethnicity of the criminal, it becomes easier for the police to aprihend the criminal..as much as we all hate to admit this, but we are all racists, by that definition..

but of course, there are some ppl in d world who are totally detached from belonging to anything or anyone..i do think that these ppl have either no desire to belong to anything, they just have not been able to find something or someone to belong to, or they actually belong to something or even someone and believe that it is better than any other group or anything else..noe why dont these ppl have a need to belong to anything, im not too sure, because it could be that they are repressing their needs, or fear of commitment or something like that..there are a huge number of reasons, n it all is true to someone..

so yea, thats all from me, am rather tired, so im not really thinking straight at the moment..so yea, if u read this post, it might be edited 2moro if i find what i wrote doesnt make sense..so yea..sorry if it doesnt make sense..

cheers..

G'day mate??

2009-03-20T01:00:00.003+10:30

like seriously, it is like phased out here..ppl go around saying, "how are u?"n i always get confused n how to respond.."im fine, thank you", "im fine thank you. And you?" or just say hi..so yea..weird ppl..but yea, d first word that i picked up which is considered as aussie slang is "no worries" u kinda like use it like no problem..but when ppl say sorry to u, u say no worries..well, dont really need to teach u all how it is used..but yea..also my friend picked up on the aussie ppl saying reckon a lot, which i dont really notice..but yea, i started using it as well..haha..also learning new words like, quaze or something like that, which means 2 look at something..n it is pronounced with a s infront of it..so it is like, squaze..haha..sounds of a wet nature..

anyway moving on..my ankle is swollen..so jo..hehe..sounds familiar?but yae it is nothing much la..just tackling ppl from behind..(k, as bad as that sounds..i will rephrase that) it was a 50-50 ball..so d attacker arrived there first n took 1 touch..so when he lifted his foot to pass d ball onwards, i slipped my foot to tap d ball to my teammate..so yea, i was KINDA behind him..at an angle la..but yea, on d way in to tap d ball, d top part of my foot hit the back of his foot, but it was very slight contact with him..but yea, thats how it got swollen..haha..d best part is i got an appointment with my fitness trainer at the gym at 10 am..think i can make it?at the moment it is hard to move my foot..but yea..guess i should cancel it..n like, do my assignment(s)..God works in mysterious ways..

anyway, besides that, training was good..like seriously..there was like 1 session, we were in groups of 3, n all we needed to do was play catch..haha..damn fun..so there are 3 ppl in a row (BB definition) and d person in d middle is d one who needs to escape, while the other 2 flanked left n right are to catch the guy..so yea..being in d middle, i ran for my life, n when i reached d end, i looked back, i saw i was like, at most half a field away from my chasers..which was like, whoa..am i that fast?felt good la..feels like training is helping..anyway yea, that is all for now..i got to chase a fly out of my room, AGAIN..so yea..till next time..

Cheers (also an australian slang, but i've always been using it)

ADELAIDE BABY!! (and i think it is gonna be my longest post yet!)

2009-03-17T01:12:00.025+10:30

HEY GUYS! IM FINALLY BACK! well, im finally posting, so yea, i guess i owe everyone many apologies..1 cuz i didnt update anyone about how i was when arriving n all that..so yea, sorry..n 2 i said i will post something as soon as i got my internet..so yea, i did try to post it, so i was up until like, 3 am doing d post..then click publich post..there was nothing..darryn chiew can be my witness to that..so yea, 2 days later, found time to redo that..hehe..so yea, everything is good here..so yea, anyway, i will divert from my regular philosophical/emo posts and show u guys the very little i took of adelaide..

er, so far, it has been soo good..found a church, 2 in fact, n the ppl there are really nice..haha..n d best part is, got friends with cars!! hahahahahaha!! so can like go places like, Victor Harbor! (further explained below)..but yea, everything is good here..it is too cold here man..n it is summer..haha..im soo gonna die..

hmm, d most interesting story worth telling all of u is once, my friend and i, after soccer training (yea they call it soccer here too)went to meet another 2 of his friends, cuz they wanted to go for a festival that just opened that day..sooo, we finally met, n we decided to go for dinner, so we just started walking, about like, 2-3 minutes later we all see this like aussie guy walking towards my friend's friend (a guy) n he approaches him n lifts his hand..n punches my friend's friend in d face, about the eyebrow..all of us were thinking it was some guy that my friend's friend (man that is getting tired of typing, so lets call him, ted) knew, n he just came to like pat him on the back to say hi..so yea, ted got really angry, but the aussie guy had already crossed the road, n traffic was quite bad la..but yea, ted was looking to challenge d guy..but we all we convincing him to not do it..personally i think d aussie is sick in the head or something like that..but yea..haha..freakin weird..ted is ok..he did get a scratch on his eyebrow area..anyway, d festival caused it to be uncharacteristically crowded, n of course almost everyone was drunk..but yea, in d end, we went for dinner, then headed to the festival, looked at it n decided it was too crowded to enter n we all went home..haha..to show u how crowded it was, we met the other 2 at 8pm, n i only reached home at 12am..dinner lasted till 11pm though..haha..1/2 n hour to move like, 400 meters..

anyway yea, below are pics of my unit..well it is the first unit i was supposed to be in..seemed quite bad.., like d cold water tap was stuck in the bathroom..think it was the sink tap..but yea, a lot of ppl here are saying the place im in is just bad..but i dont really mind..definitely the BB training..haha..anyway, so my friend found another place outside for a better price, so he went to that place (mostly because he said he was scared of me, cuz he thinks im gay..or something like that..to those who are laughing at this n/or those who are gonna say something, no im not gay..u see, in psychology, it is called projection, when a person projects his/her own inner feelings, fears, conditions onto another person..)anyway, so yea, im now living with an aussie guy, who is freakin nice..he cooks dinner for me like, almost every nite..however, he doesnt really do d cleanning of the place, n he works out a lot, so the place stinks abit..so i do d cleaning..hehe..

K, so this is campus..

So yea, this is the City of Adelaide..didnt take much pics, so yea..nothing much to take anyway..but i think i can find more..

This is like a landmark for adelaide..like, seriously..d balls of Rundle mall..yea, it is an outdoor mall..n there is a lot of street performers, in the pic above, it is a teenage girl (green shirt)playing d guitar and singing n her bro playing drums..ok la, not bad her performance..but still pro to do it at that age..

Some guy doing magic tricks..this was not bad to watch..haha..he was telling jokes at the same time, so it was not bad..^

This is my visit to Victor Harbor, which is what Port Dickson is like to KL..yea, why did i go there? church camp, so went to kecoh..haha..k, sorry,but im trying to be a bit artistic and capture the beauty of the place..so yea..

damn cool la, i followed my friends to the back of a house that was booked opposite d camp site..the backyard is a beach! like seriously..^

FREAKIN ANNOYING BIRDS..been trying to catch them when they are in the air..this is the best i got..^

kk, this is not some shoe ad..the person in d red shirt own's the shoes..n he didnt bring a spare change of clothes, but he wanted to go kayaking..so when he got in d kayak, the others pushed him out without the oars..haha..so he is floating there sesatly..haha..

So yea, that is all for now.. again i apologize that I didnt post this earlier..

View from my balcony..^

Cheers..

24 hours countdown..

2009-02-18T00:28:00.003+10:30

1 Samuel 7:12 - Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the Lord helped us".

24 hours till i start my new chapter..

am i nervous? am i sad? happy? which emotion??! said i said before, im nostalgic..looking forward to going, but am sad that im leaving..but the good news is that i will come back..

about the Bible verse, the story behind it is that the Israelites just fought off their enemies who tried to invade..Mizpah and Shen are places, towns if im not mistaken..anyway, it was like the first pic that i saw, and it had a Bible verse, so i read up on it..but yea, God has really helped me a lot, times where i just dont deserve it at all..this verse is a reassuring verse, where i've been feeling rather scared that i will falter and give in to sin, cuz i noe im really weak when it comes to saying no to certain things..which is why i've always said no to the beginning and stayed away..

anyway, this verse helped me realize that God has been through it all with me, and has pulled me through the toughest of times, so far..

oo, also, really just want to thank everyone who came for my farewell dinner, as i was really touched by ur presence, being that it was on Valentine's day, and it was rather last minute..

oo, n thank you andrew for the sweater and the CD! will get u something from here..maybe TBS soon to be out album..haha..

thats all from me, see u in as soon as i can!

p.s. i packed my bag in like, an hour, with my mum's help of course, and my estimation on the weight was dead on the money! haha..

Cheers..

the feeling known as nostalgia..

2009-02-12T00:10:00.006+10:30

well, by definition, nostalgia is a mixed feeling that u get when u look back to the past and remember stuff, events or ppl..but im feeling nostalgic about leaving..which i honestly dont get why..

i mean, i was quite excited to go to a different place and learn the culture there, and i still am, but now im also like feeling sad cuz im leaving the things and ppl i love behind..but why? im only not going to see them for 9 months or something like that..well, that is what im trying to convince myself into believing..looks like, even i wont fall for my own tricks..haha..i think it is cuz of the fact of that i have to say goodbye..ish, need to convince myself that there is also hello's in my future..

haiz..it started when i got my plane ticket today, thats when i think it finally hit me..also reinforced when i finished RM 10 within 1hour SMS-ing ppl the date that im leaving..

Oh Lord, i know i have been distant from You. Please help me to maintain my relationship with You, oh Lord..This i pray..

Cheers..

(p.s. i found the pics really funny..haha)

A Town Called Hypocrisy

2009-02-10T00:15:00.000+10:30

Quite a famous song..but also it is something that i see everyday..

if u noe me well enough, u noe that i just HATE hypocrisy..if u say 1 thing, u better do it..no 2 ways about that..of course there are given circumstances..like, u promise to meet me at 1pm, but arrive at 2pm, n u got caught in a jam..that is fine..

the sad part of it all is that I myself practice hypocrisy, n i guess that is why i look soo lowly upon myself..sometimes it is just convenient for me to just be a hypocrite..makes my life sooo much easier..

so in a step to try to figure out how to overcome hypocrisy, 1 is to just dont say anything at all, or state ur morals and values, so that when u do break ur morals or go against it..no one can look down upon u..

well, after stating that, one starts to question, "is hypocrisy just not doing what u believe in or is it creating a false belief in other people?" the answer does seem a little obvious, but if u think about it a little more, u realize that if someone believes that the latter is entitled to believe so..because if u think about the meaning of hypocrisy, it CAN or MOST LIKELY involves another party other than urself..it can be you, and your friend, u and God or something like that..

so yea, if u dont say anything, or have very loose morals or is indifferent about most topics, then you cant be called a hypocrite cuz there is no first grounds to base ur actions on..i've observed this from ppl like ben, who have kept things to himself, and when u see him do something that is uncharacteristic, u cant go to him and say "HA! you hypocrite!" (i asked ben and he is fine with me using his name, however he would like to state that the reason he keeps things to himself is not to avoid hypocrisy but for other undisclosed reasons)

i do use that strategy to avoid hypocrisy, where if u notice, i word my sentences in such a way that i am ambiguous, and cannot be quoted, for example, if im supposed to meet u somewhere, i will say "k, i will reach roughly at 1pm" or "I MIGHT reach at 1pm"

the problem with this strategy is that ppl have morals and values, even if they dont want to..and of course ppl have the innate desire to talk and say things to sound like some superhero to try to be on other ppls good side..k, to lessen the confusion, I say im a punctual person..but i arrive late for a lot of events..y do i say im punctual? so that other ppl who hear me say that would think highly of me..

i guess another strategy is to embrace the fact that u are a hypocrite..well not all the time of course..but at least it does give ppl a fair warning about u and your actions..but if only the ppl were that simple..

yet again, sorry for such a messy post..i actually kinda like forced myself to post this, cuz it was high time for me to post something..dont get me wrong, i did want to write about this..it is one of the highest things on my list i wanted to post about..just that i cant think of wat i really want to say now..will edit it when i do think of wat i really want to say..

Cheers

pay respect to where it is due..

2009-02-05T23:27:00.003+10:30

BB seriously is a great organization, where u get to see what working life would be like, as u have different characters, and from there u get to see how they handle managerial positions..

1 common thing i see with them and also some older ppl, who think they know everything..and with their "experience" they always say stuff like, "o if i was in charge, u wouldnt get this problem" or "back in my day........" whatever la..a few things i feel these ppl dont give credit to is that if they were to work in a team, then their teammates deserve to get some of the credit, cuz they are of capable ppl or of skill..for example, just say ferguson retires (hope not anytime soon) and he tells his son, " when i was ur age, i won 21 league titles". I feel Ferguson should go on to say "thanks to my capable team and ronaldo for all the goals and skills he has"

get it? it is because of other ppl, u get the success..when u say that to ppl like me, who are learning or are currently conducting managerial positions, u need to noe 1 thing, the team that is being worked with is either new, in which everyone is incapable to work together, or there is personality defects..

honestly, i just cant stand it when ppl come to me and say stuff like i could have organized something better..i get that these ppl are trying to help me improve by giving me criticism, but when i do refute their points, they dont except what i've just said and then give indirect comments to say that " u suck at organizing events"..then they go on to say, " during my time...."

when they say things like that, they are comparing my situation to their ideal situation, where they had the best team that was present..compared to me, working with ppl for the first time, learning their weaknesses and strengths, and yes, going through problems, in which apparently could have been avoided if the older ppl were in charge during their days..i ask u this question, who do u think is better (in terms of individual strength)? the leader who has the best team to work with, and gets the event organized, or the leader who works with a bunch of random ppl, fixes their mistakes, teaches them the right way, when facing a problem, gets the event organized to the best it can be..

if ur like the first leader, please give credit to your team..im quite sure that they could have done the job without u, because they noe u well enough to noe what decisions ur gonna make..dont go around parading that u are such a great leader..if u trained ur teammates since the beginning, then u can say ur good at training, but it still doesnt make u that great, cuz ur still always working in that 1 team, or situation..u dont fit urself to the situation..and if these kind of person (also is head strong) goes into a new senario, what happens when he or she is asked to organize something, he or she will cause other ppl to either a) the other ppl will conform their actions to suit the style of the leader, or b) quit and be replaced with someone else who shares the same beliefs and work ethics as the leader..so in the end, they havetheir ideal situation..and they cause others to suffer or be uncomfortable with them..

in terms of practicality, i feel that the 2nd leader is what should be aspired to be because we do live in a fast-pace world, where ppl change their jobs every few years, well with the economy crisis looming, this might change..but yea..i still feel that the 2nd leader is a more versatile leader and i guess it makes it easy to move around..

Cheers

Excuses...

2009-01-22T23:12:00.004+10:30

u can say that im like one of the greatest ppl to come up with an excuse..well, most ppl do come up with excuses..well, there are many reasons as to why they come up with their excuses..but for me, n i think the general population, i come up with excuses cuz im protecting my self-esteem..like seriously..my whole life, i've never lived up to my parents expectations, which in turn became my expectations..so yea, the fact that i had high expectations and were never able to achieve them, makes a person think that they are sooo useless that they cant do anything..moral of the story? dont make high expectations..but that itself is not a good thing, where if u dont make high expectations, u wont push urself, and u wouldnt see that many records broken, now would we?

but yea, over the years of making excuses..i've felt better believing that i would have been able to catch the mace (for those who dont noe what a mace is:

if the sun wasnt in my eye, and therefore not have this huge bump on my head..however it didnt change the fact that the mace did hit my head..so now, i dont really believe in my excuses anymore, i do still come up with them, habitual problem..what made me start thinking is watching people who are handicapped, physically and mentally, i mean these ppl ARE handicapped for life, but some of them just continue life with what ever they have..which made me think.."So what if i have low self-esteem?" it is just a handicap..go through life with whatever u have left of you..of course in a way, i am not really solving the problem, just running away..but who noes, maybe i will get through it..

on a separate note, more on my current situation..am not doing too well at the moment..so i trying to blog about it to see if i will feel better after talking about it..so yea..we will see..again, am just emoing..about wat? haha..self-esteem issues.. so let's see if i am able to continue with life..

man, i miss jo..anyway, happy birthday..time is relative, haha..

cheers..

Another controversial post?

2009-01-08T00:12:00.002+10:30

Inspiration has struck! well, it always strikes me, but it struck me at the right time!

Anyway, this post is kind of like an advice and also kinda like what i've done or the person I am..k, y do i call it controversial, well after talking about this topic, im sure some of you are totally gonna disagree with everything i write, but hey, we are all entitled to our opinions, and well, different ppl have different personalities, and have different ways of coping with problems..

so yea, what im going to talk about is, being alone..
So yea, i guess, we should not only learn how to socialize and make friends, but also learn to be alone..like for me, an anti social, which already indicates that im introverted by nature, and now im going off to a different country, not knowing the people around me there..to some people this is scary, but to me, its like, i dont feel anything..i am actually just looking forward to going there to do my studies..its not that i wont miss all u guys here in Malaysia, but its just that when u learn to be alone, the homesickness doesnt affect you as much..

I've moved around a lot, and it took me a few years for me to really fit in, socially, when by the time i do, i have to move again, so that is where my anti social-ness comes from..k, im not saying that u shouldnt make friends, although u need to noe d risk of making friends..u WILL get hurt by them, somehow..they MAY backstab u, they may even just die (for those who are superstitious, touch wood)..k, am not trying to scare u guys, or even convince u to live a lonely life, but this is the facts of life..when u make a friend, u MUST be prepared to get hurt..pain makes u stronger..not sure where i heard that, but it is true..

alone time is mostly when you start to look at your surroundings and reflect on urself, which helps u get to noe urself better..also, it depends on ur lifestyle, like for me, my friends are all like, busy, live too far away, studying outstation or overseas, and im not close to my neighbours, cuz they are too young, too old, n those my age are screwed up..so im forced to be alone, and if u havent learnt to be alone, u will start spite-ing ur friends cuz they are all too busy for u, then u start thinking, "i have such lousy friends, they dont even care about me"..honestly, life now isnt cheap, esp with the economic downfall, money is hard to come by..so hanging out is going to start being a problem..but anyway, that is just my case, im pretty sure there are other reasons or situations..

not sure about u all la, but for me, i really cant stand all of societies rules, n norms that are set..as i have ranted about in a previous post..but yea, u dont see these stuff if ur always socializing..when u take a step out and u analyze why all these stuff happens, then only u realize..well, of course not saying that social norms are bad, just that i cant stand it some times..but alas, 1 person cant change society..he/she can influence others and the whole groups can change it, but thats about the only way i can think of how society can change..

k, im running out of things to say/write about, so in conclusion, wat im NOT trying to say that we should all live our lives alone, as we are social creatures, and we can go crazy from being alone ALL the time..but im saying that we should be prepared to be alone, as i watch my grandparents, both of them dont have any friends of their age anymore that lives near by to visit, they are always alone (of course they are living with their sons, so its not that bad) but at times they are ever soo lonely, and i admire them for just being able to survive the lonely moments..

Nothing (worldly) lasts forever. Things only last as long as you can hold on to them.

Learn to be alone, that way u can enjoy ur surroundings more..

Cheers

another bored-out-of-my-mind-post, and it's the first of 2009...

2009-01-06T23:02:00.002+10:30

like seriously, no more classes till i go off..cant practice for a concert that is happening on the 8th of February, finger is already going to drop off..so its like, super stoning time..oo, i cant even sleep, cuz my sleeping pattern is like that of a battery..it is like when im super tired, i can sleep for 12 hours..my usual hours are like, 10 where i wont wake up cranky that often la..but yea, if im not tired, i can sleep only for like, 8 hours..which sucks..like today, i wanted to wake up at like, 10 am, but instead i woke up at 9, n i couldnt go back to sleep..n, for those who noe me, i REALLY dont like my schedule getting messed..

so what should i talk about? something philosophical? cant really think of something that is bugging me now, as i have already talk about all that before, n also ppl have complained that they dont get what im talking about..haha..what have i been up to? well, if i did something interesting, i wouldn't have started this post with that title would i? will write when i get the inspiration to..had a few during d week, but it is not here now..

o, n i noe some ppl (ppl like jo), are going to like suggest things for me to do, which i dont mind..but just dont get upset or affected that i dont do it..maybe my real problem is that im always not in the mood to do stuff..hmm..so a summary is that im bored, but im too lazy to do anything..good job caleb!!

Cheers

Again I Go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessionals

2008-12-31T00:34:00.003+10:30

So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of my eye
won't be the only way you're looking at me then.

This song is like poetry to me..jo, it is highly recommended for u to listen to it..dunno y i just felt like saying that..haha..but yea, go listen to it k?

Cheers

Time of reflecting..

2008-12-30T23:39:00.003+10:30

end of the year, like duh rite? which other time should we reflect? haha, well actually we can spend any time to just sit down and reflect what we have accomplished, but it is a lot easier to do it at the end of the year..

anyway, so far, this year has been....well, a year..cant say it was a good year, cuz it wasnt, but i cant say it was a bad year, because it wasnt..so yea...it was a year..haha

a lot has happened, my first mission trip, youth camp just to name a few but yea, it has been all good experiences for me, and i REALLY thank God for all he has provided me..it was such a blessing just to be able to do everything that i've done, and also helping me cope with the hard times..haha..

anyway, so wat is the point of reflecting? well, that depends on u of course, if ur d kind of person who loves to learn from your own mistakes, then u use reflections to learn..if ur d kind who likes to reminisce, then you spend your time doing that..k, kinda obvious rite? so yea, why do churchs have watchnight services which the point of it is to reflect on the year that has past? it is done to make sure that we have spent our time wisely and that if we havent we would spend the next year more wisely..

well, this leads me to ask, if we did this last year, why do we still make the same mistakes and at the end of the year, make the same promise to not do it again? maybe new year resolutions should come more than just once a year if u noe wat im talking about..k, it seems like i've started rambling again..so yea,have fun and Happy New Year again..

Cheers

For the longest of times..

2008-12-29T23:10:00.002+10:30

haha, yea its been like the longest of times since i last updated this blog, but yea, if u noe me well enough, december is the MOST busiest time of the year for me..so yea, exams ended, youth camp went by, sister is back from the US which is the reason why u dont really see me online cuz she is, christmas, and falling sick as well..haha..anyway, here is to all, MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!! and A LITTLE EARLY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Anyway, apart of all that is said above, my grandma also passed away on 21st morning, so this post is dedicated to her..

Ever heard the story of the children's story about a baby mouse that ran into a chicken and a cat? if u haven't here is the story..

a baby mouse comes running into the house and she/he/it (which ever makes u happy) runs to him/her/it's mother and says, "mummy! mummy! you cant believe the day that i've had!!" so the mother decides to sit the baby mouse down and the baby tells the mother the story..

"i went out to play with my other friends, and we played for the longest of times, but suddenly 2 giant figures approached us and all my friends ran away. But i decided to stay and see what the giant figures were like. the first one was very loud, looked ugly and was very rough. The second giant looked very soft, quiet, and seemed very nice to be with. I tried to go close to the soft n nicer giant to play with it because it looked friendly, but the ugly giant was always coming between us and kept blocking me and making a lot of noise from getting to the softer and quieter giant. So I got scared of the 1st giant that i ran home to you."

The mother mouse then hugged the baby mouse and said the it/her/him "that was the smart thing to do". The baby mouse then asked the mother mouse, "why is that mummy, and what were the two giants?"

So the mother answers, "Darling baby, the first giant was a rooster, and the rooster is loud because it is his responsibility to wake all of us up. The second giant my child was a cat, and cat's eat mice, that is how your father died, because he got too close to the cat. So the rooster saw that the cat was near you and he decided to take care of u by warning u and keeping you away from the cat."

And so the baby mouse learnt her/his/it's lesson in life and stayed away from the cat and decided to go and play with the rooster from then on..the end..

k, besides the fact that the baby mouse is able to comprehend death, and is able to venture outside alone without supervision, this story always reminded me of amachi (which is what we call our grandma) It was sad that she had developed dementia when i just started to mature and start to focus on others then always looking to have fun..so my memories of her when i was a child was she being strict..comparing her to my dad's mum, i always would prefer to visit her, because i did have more fun there, on the count that there was a computer i could play games on and also cuzins to hang out with..

My mum's grandparents lived in Sungai Petani in their own house, and she use to always make us follow a schedule, lunch is at 1, dinner at 7.30, and breakfast at 9am..well, judging from my size, i didnt really enjoy eating, but when i was at their house, i actually liked the food, and i would actually eat all the food that amachi cooked..my mum use to always say that i put on weight when i went there..but other than that, she use to also always make sure we dont always spend the time watching TV, and make us go outside to play, but she was rather protective about her garden, which gave me the impression that flowers dont die, because she always kept the garden in bloom..

anyway, she was rather protective of her garden, so i remember her scolding us if we played football, because we would sometimes kick the ball into her flowers, and so she would come out and scold us, which led us to play badminton more..

i did tell my mum taht i found amachi too strict, but my mum always said, "when you get older you would understand" well, although now im not that much older, but i finally learn to appriciate all her rules, and actually see that she is actually always looking out for us..i may not have said much just now to prove this point, but if u were there, you could feel it somehow..well, i noe i did..the schedule always made sure that we led a well balanced life..mornings to either study or watch tv, and afternoons also the same, while evenings were always were to play outdoors..

i think i can say that all of her grandchildren have heard stories of amachi being the kindest person where her house was always open to anyone who needed a place to stay, and well, now looking back, i would say that we have experienced it too, where everytime we went over to stay, amachi was never in a bad mood or acted in ways that didn't want all of us there..the house sometimes would be over crowded, where we would sleep in the tv room, living room, and almost everywhere, and what surprises me now is that how we always had mattresses to sleep on, like there would be 30 people sleeping in 1 house..quite amazing..

during her latter years, when she started developing dementia (it is a disease that causes an individual to lose their memory) she use to always ask me, because i use to hang around my cuzin's house, where she and my grandpa was living when she developed it, and she use to always ask me, "Mone (pronounced as mo- ne, sounds like more-nare), where is your mummy? how is she doing?" and i would always answer, "she is at home amachi and she is fine amachi" then she would nod in acknowledgement, and five minutes later asks me the same question again, and i would answer..i never minded answering her, because i felt really sad for her, because that was like the only conversation i could ever hold with her..but yea, anyway what i really saw from her is that she was always thinking of others, which i find really amazing, cuz i just find it super hard to constantly think of others all the time..so thank you amachi for all that you have given us..I am really sorry for that one time that i shouted at you, which I myself have forgotten what it was about, but i remember just shouting at you, amachi..God Bless and see you in heaven..

Cheers and rest in peace..

The Games We Play

2008-12-09T23:17:00.004+10:30

during exams, the MCQ exams, i use to play like mind games with myself, cuz i found that exams were just too boring..this of course was when i was young..like, standard something young..anyway, yea i use to look at the answer sheet as a race or a competition where there is 4 competitors..A,B,C,D..so my game was to see which of the competitors got shaded the most, and my favourite was always C..go figure..so yea, also i would see what is the last answer would be, so it would be like the finish line..BUT of course u would think, then might as well i shade in the 1st and last answer to noe who won rite? well, yea, but it wouldnt be fun anymore..

i actually remember waiting in anticipation to find out who won, cuz sometimes when i dont noe wat to answer, i would count the answers, to see the current status, or to see who was "in the lead" so yea, if it was B-14 n C-13, i would be like damn excited! haha..anyway, i would say this experience has actually trained me to be objective..cuz i could have shaded in all the C's and would have won, but i didnt, cuz i wanted to get it all right..haha..but yea, even when it came to answers that i wasnt sure, i would still choose between the 2 answers i thought was closer to being right then playing my game..but yea, i mean, if u noe me well enough, i hate books, and studies..esp when i was younger..exams wasnt my greatest joy also..so yea, i created the game to keep me occupied..also created a "stock market" story cuz d race also got a little boring after awhile..so yea..haha..

how d story worked is i use to choose a country (yea, i didnt noe much about the stock markets or the economy), usually a south american country, and then envision the answer sheet as those stock charts u see..haha..anyway yea..cuz the questions are clumped into 5's, so yea every 5 questions were a day..so yea, this is a little more complicated, cuz now A,B,C,D all had values now, but d values depended on where u started..for example, if i started d 1st question with a B, then my 5th question was C, that means i went up by 1..(consider it as like 1 point in the stock market) so yea, if i started off with a A, then ended with a D, that is d biggest margine the country can gain from, which would be 3..so yea, it would take 5 for me to "overtake" England and 10 for me to "overtake" US and be the richest country in the world..(in my own little world of course) but yea, this game really helped me with me geography, as i use to be like a commentator in my head, saying things like, "and the argenitian Peso has risen by 2 points and has now overtaken Great Brittain!" so yea, learnt, or tried to learn, what each country calls it's money, like the US is dollar, and England is Pound..but yea..also learnt my countries and also d capitals! haha..o, btw, if just say i started with a D, it would really suck, cuz there is no way of gaining points, the best i could get would be a draw, that is if it lets..so yea, it would fluctuate up and down, kinda like the real stock market, no?

but yea, from that experience, i also learnt that most of the MCQ answers are B! haha..but yea, now i look back its like, "hmm, got a good imagination (says it like spongebob with my hands waving to form a rainbow..haha, ben noes wat im talking about)..maybe i should do some writting of a story or work in showbiz"haha but yea, dont think i will..psych's my thing..

Cheers

A Hattrick of Bliss..

2008-12-06T01:32:00.002+10:30

Jaws Theme Swimming, again!

2008-12-04T01:19:00.004+10:30

Yea i noe, not again..but seriously its like a jigsaw puzzle for me..trying to figure out the meaning from the lyrics..its such a cool song..haha..did some research of course..d meaning of the song seems rather dark..but yea..also wondered y call it jaws theme swimming? so here is an interpretation (originally i used the word analysis..haha, too much psych) from another guy which i kinda agree with..

"Ok. Well first off I love this song.. but who doesn't?

I seem to find my lyrical interpretations a bit darker though.

As with most of the songs on this album, i see this song as a vignette. it tells me a story of a predatory stranger possibly abducting a little girl. him leaving tobacco, peppermints and fingerprints in the car as in a crime scene. her, "sucking on your breath mint, dissected and stuck with pins" (killed probably), and of course the smoke (from his tobacco) at the playground and its cold outside, these also set the tone.

And then from the mothers point of view (as if to her daughter) "if youre leaving just let me know" and "if your coming home just let me know". of course she leaves without letting her mother know. ("some rules are made with all intentions to break") hence the mother frantically searching the playground in the pouring rain "concrete and water".

then later in the song, the mother taking the daughters picture off the wall and out of its frame, overcome by the grief of this tragedy takes her life by jumping out the window."

This is just what I got from it when I listened to it.

here is the link http://artists.letssingit.com/brand-new/jaws-theme-swimming/vdvx3mb/reviews/2

Here is the lyrics again..

In a car outside,
we stalk the idle kind.
"If you're leaving, just let me know."
Tobacco and peppermint,
dusting for fingerprints.
A film in her eyes from the glow.
Some rules are made
with all intentions to break,
And she defends it
with a warped rationale.
But I've seen what happens
to the wicked and proud,
When they decide to try
to take on the throne for the crown.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve.

When it got cold outside,
smoke beneath the playground lights.
If you're coming home,
just let me know.
Sucking on your breath mint,
dissected and stuck with pins.
A film in her eyes from the glow.
Concrete and water,
she's looking for her daughter,
At midnight in torrential downpour.
And everything I said
about how messed your head is,
Got cut up and left
in bits and pieces on the cutting room floor.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve.

Take the picture from the wall
cause you think that nothing matters.
Take a picture from the plane
and it's a long way to the floor.
Cut your finger on the edge
cause it's sharper than they told you.
Take a leap from out the window
cause it's way too far
to go through the door.

And we learn as we age.
We've learned nothing
and my body still aches.
And you take cause they give.
Though I love you
and my body it leaks like a sieve

So yea, my interpretation is that it is not a little girl, but more of a teenage girl, that kinda explains the rebellion and the need to break rules..n yea think it is a girl, cuz it says daughter.. so yea, y the title? well, to me d jaws theme is supposed to be like, suspenseful and scary rite? n swimming is movement, in a sense means practicality, so it kinda says that scary stuff that happens in real life..so yea i guess it is a warning to everyone..anyway, d chorus i feel is about how we age and yes, do stupid things, even our parents who are older but fail to impart the information to us..so we try the same things over and over again till our body aches..k, at first i thought the lyrics was from the daughter, cuz of the last line, where she is saying that even though she loves her mother, she is not able to retain what she has learnt, but the beginning part of the chorus didnt really connect, esp the "and you take, cause they give"..but yea, i guess wat it means is that the mother is comparing herself to a sieve (a strainer to those who dont not wat a sieve is) and i guess saying how she is crying for her daughter..

Other than that, i pretty much agree with wat the other guy said..really cool song..we should do this in psych class la..haha..

Cheers..

time to move on..

2008-12-03T02:55:00.003+10:30

Well, its about time..anyway, in the midst of finals now..philosophy was good..just too bad i didnt have enough time..damn, i hope i can get a C..thats how sad i am, i noe..but yea, next paper is LAN, malaysian studies, n that really dont need to stress over..need like, 10 marks to pass..n yea, thats all wat we all are aiming for..waste of time..but yea, in between d 2 papers, i have an assignment to do, which is basically talk about my groupmates and conflicts that happened in the group..2 pages..nothing big..n its due later..about 11 and a 1/2 hours time..n im still wasting time..besides that, have a presentation on friday, which is a 1/2 an hour presentation on the public health 2010 plan thing in d US..seriously another waste of time..anyway, looking forward to it to end..then i can start studying for conflict, which is like, super interesting subject for me..anyway yea, just looking forward to saturday d 13th..(haha, missed by one day so it becomes a lucky day..)

but yea, all that is just short term plans..like the pic d journey, ahead is long, n im already looking forward to the next break (which is non-existent in life)...striving for something that doesn't exist? doesnt that sound oddly familiar? but yea, u dont get breaks in life, if someone or something dies, no matter how close they/it are/is to u, time just goes on..so u have to move on with it, if not u get left behind..wats wrong with getting left behind? y dont u ask those ppl who have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)..they still hold on to their memories of their traumas..they cant function like u and i..

well, not everything is bad..good thing are in store in the future, one of which is the end..i guess that we should be excited about the end..the end of our monotonous life, our mundane activities, and also our meaningless actions..only 1 thing really matters, and that is God..if u live ur life as He wants u to, then everyday is exciting, and meaningful..so yea, we should look forward to the end if u really live everyday for God..less distractions, more focus on God..but of course, wait for the end, dont make it come to u..

(sorry my posts are a little morbid..still emo-ing..CM, im not going to bang the wall..)

Qoute of the day,

" You emo?? Then go bang wall..Guarantee u won't feel anything after that"

- Lim Choon Meng

Cheers

In Loving Memory

2008-12-01T15:53:00.000+10:30

I know that it has taken me 5 days to get this post up, but I just wasn't able to bring myself to do it. Even now I'm tearing up, but I guess it has to be done, in justice to your life and your impact on me. I really wish that you didn't have to go the way you did, but it was all in God's plan. I love you and really miss you.

The first time I wanted to take a picture, you ran and hid under the table..^

Growing curious about my camera..^

This song is dedicated to you..

What is so funny?

2008-11-24T23:08:00.002+10:30

K, how many of you laughed also at this vid? k honestly, i also find it a little funny, but i now want to know why..k, it kinda happened during camp, where we were..er.."teaching" a boy on problem solving skills..his methods of solving the situation we put him in was rather hilarious..today when i was watching the planet's funniest animals on animal planet, i saw something like the vid above..it was a girl blowing bubbles and a dog was eating them..the girl was laughing, and can say she is about 3-5 years old..

so why do we find such things funny? i would guess that it is because we are intelectual beings, and what amuses us are things that we consider down right stupid or uninteligent, that when someone or something does it, it kinda shows us the inteligence level of that person..as in the vid above, which person in their right mind will eat bubbles or soap suds?..so why do we laugh? well, a conclusion (you can say a theory, and it is something that im thinking of myself..if it is an actual theory, then this is purely coincidental) that i can draw up is that when people or animals do stupid things, it makes us feel good cuz it shows us something or someone who is less inteligent than us..haha,yea it is a very freudian conclusion..but yea, i remember when i was in ben's house, watching this add for worlds most amazing videos, where a motorcyclist just rams into a truck, and ben just burst out laughing..i mean, yea it was sooo stupid of d guy..

anyway, on a side note, i think that shows like america's funniest home vids and whacked out sports are viewed more than shows like the planets funniest animals..k, i would like to "hypothesize" that the more inteligent the being is, the funnier the event will be..so shows that have humans acting stupid should be considered more funny than shows with animals..however, it is not that just for me to say that without mentioning those ppl who just hate these shows..i would say that these ppl have very high levels of empathy, where they empathize the the subject on the screen or infront of them..haha..to be more psychological, maybe these ppl have high levels of being phlegmatic where they want everyone around them to be pleased with them..

k, i understand humour actually depends on individuals, like i can write a joke now, and some will find it funny and some dont..n everything i wrote here is just from my thoughts..pls DO NOT qoute me, because it is not supported by any research wat-so-ever..haha, just finished all my reports for coll, so i was still kinda in the mood to keep analyzing and writting..so yea, these is KINDA like the stuff we write in our psych reports just that we have to back it up with past research and it has to be WAAAAY more lengthy..if u were wondering what are my reports are like..haha..

Cheers

Jaws Theme Swimming

2008-11-20T15:08:00.002+10:30

In a car outside
We stalk the idle kind
If you're leaving just let me know
Tobacco and peppermint
Dusting for fingerprints
A film in her eyes from the glow

Some rules are made with all intentions to break
And she defends them with a warped rationale
But I've seen what happens to the wicked and proud
When they decided to try to take on the throne for the crown

And we learn
As we age
We've learned nothing
And my body still aches
And you take
Cause they give
Though I love you
And my body it leaks like a sieve

When it got cold outside
Smoke beneath the playground lights
If you're coming home, just let me know
Sucking on your breath mint
Dissected and stuck with pins
A film in her eyes from the glow

Concrete and water
She's looking for her daughter
At midnight in torrential downpour
And everything I said about how messed up your head is
Were cut up and left in bits and pieces on the cutting room floor

And we learn
As we age
We've learned nothing
And my body still aches
And you take
Cause they give
Though I love you
And my body it leaks like a sieve
[x2]

Take a picture from off the wall
When you think that nothing matters
Take a picture from the plane
It's a long way to the floor
Cut your finger on the edge
Cause it's sharper than they told you
Take a leap from out the window
Cause it's way too far to go through the door

And we learn
As we age
We've learned nothing
And my body still aches
And you take
Cause they give
Though I love you
And my body it leaks like a sieve

Future of BBM..

2008-11-20T13:48:00.003+10:30

hey guys, if you are interested in this, or are involved with what is mentioned above, please read the links. If your not involved, you are still welcomed to read them..

Basically the Youth Act is now affecting BB, where we are a youth organization and the act states that members or any youth organization needs to be between the ages of 15-40.. SO BBM is now coming out with a draft of BBY (Boys' Brigade Youth) and they have drawn up this proposal for the constitution

http://bookofwong.blogspot.com/2008/11/implications-of-youth-act-2007-on-boys.html

http://bookofwong.blogspot.com/2008/11/proposed-bb-youthbriged-putera-belia.html

Redundancy

2008-11-19T04:01:00.002+10:30

Something that we can all do without rite?( no pun intended) like seriously..this is from more of a leadership role or an organizing role, where there is no point in having people or positions of no use, because then it leaves u wondering, "what the heck is that person doing?" this goes especially for assistants or vices or 2nd in command people..not saying that all these ppl are useless, they are most definitely not! But when forming a committee or an organization, one MUST look at the purpose of each and every role given..IF u think about everything that each role needs, and u find that there is no need for a vice, then by all means, dont include a vice..or even a treasurer, secretary or normal comm members..

also when doing work or doing stuff, one should look at the point of doing the work and also following all the steps..for example, u see all footballers on the same team kissing their rings before they enter the field, and u go up to one and ask them, "why do u do it?" if they reply, "i dunno..everyone else is doing it" then that is just 1 step that is just redundant..however it does not take up much resources (energy, time) so that is fine..BUT just say their ritual is to do 50 laps around the field before entering the it, then it really becomes extremely redundant..

IF u watched d vid, u will see that ppls lives are just repeated over and over and over again..so i would say, what u can learn form d vid is that u should question what your doing, to make sure that it is of worth..being creations of God, we MUST use our time wisely rite? Of course im not suggesting u to think about every small thing that u do like picking up the spoon first before u pick up d fork or watever.. Im just saying just do a retrospect once in awhile and ask urself, "am i in a rut? Whatever im doing, can i not do this step? Why must i do it this way? is it worth my time?" and all those kinds of questions..

Being in an organizing role many times, i have seen ppl just do things as they were, because it was done that way, although it is totally redundant and a total waste of time and i REALLY cant stand it (however i will admit i do act without thinking myself)..mostly happens in BB, like how NCO's just pass put punishments to boys who dont polish their uniform parts..but dont ask themselves, "why am i punishing d boy? is the punishment working? what is d purpose of punishment?" and it also works for the followers too..

Cheers

Place for My Head

2008-11-17T02:56:00.002+10:30

I watch how the moon sits in the sky
On a dark night shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon
Assuming the moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors and then rapidly
You just turn around and start asking me about
Things you want back from me

I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday I'll be just like you, and
Step on people like you do and
Run away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm, used to be strong
Used to be generous, but you should've known
That you'd wear out your welcome
Now you see how quiet it is, all alone

I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

You, tried to take the best of me, GO AWAY

Bleak..is it?

2008-11-14T14:58:00.005+10:30

nothing to look forward to..yea, holidays are around the corner, but that is filled with other stuff..At the moment, assignments are due all on the same day, my university STILL hasnt replied me, and i need to reply them by the 30th of November..youth camp is getting closer..stress levels are up, pup is sick, or depressed, both equally saddening..so what is there to look forward to? not to mention the expectations of ppl on me..

K, im not going to lie to anyone, there IS social pressure..ppl ARE expecting something of u..example, ur sitting on the bus and an old lady gets on the bus, immediatly everyone is staring at u, cuz ur EXPECTED to just jump off the seat and let the lady on it..this is ok, but if when u delay for like, 2 seconds, cuz u just didnt notice, cuz ur mind is preoccupied with assignments are work and SOOO many other stuff, then u hear a STUPID FREAKING lady say, "Boleh bagi aunty ini duduk?" at that moment, u actually just realized the old lady, so u already started moving, but as u just start the F****** lady opens her big trap..so yea u get off, then the old lady has a seat, and the FB of a lady then says to the old lady, "haiz, budak zaman sekarang"..AGAIN social pressure kicks in, and all u can do is just shut up while that stupid lady says such things of u..

So what can u do? pray..seriously..and live ur life as Jesus wants u to..another annoying type of social pressure is the kind u get from relatives, adults friends (basically parents friends) where they ask such questions like, "so what are u studying?" or they make remarks like "o, ur son hasn't decided on what to do? u should ask him to do engineering" or " o, his son is studying law, or medicine" my answer to all that is SOOO??!! i really dont give a damn about all that..based on their logic, everyone should study medicine or law or engineering, then there is only 3 jobs in the world..others all not important..still, even so, my question to these ppl is, "is the child happy?" honestly, i get a lot of these questions, because im studying psychology, something that is considered as out of the norm..they ask stupid questions like, "eh, study psychology can get a good job? got pay ah?" its like, "F*** u, there is more to life than money.." but yea, pity them..cant imagine living my lift from 1 perspective only..just money..without the Love of God..

anyway, d conclusion that i've managed to draw from all my anti social behaviour and the analitical character that i have, i've learnt to just satisfy God's desire for u then ur own needs..if ur need is to be liked by everyone, then fine, go ahead and live with social pressure..personally, this is why i participate in anti social behaviour, its to keep myself away from all the annoyance..

yea, i am just venting out now..feel a whole lot better..(dont worry, none of wat i said is a reference to anyone i noe..if any name or situation actually depicts an actualy person, it was merely coincidental)

Quote of the Day,

"Life - Learning Is Frequently Experienced"

- Caleb George Mamman

Cheers

Common Sense

2008-11-01T02:11:00.005+10:30

a wise man said,

"There is no such thing as common sense.." - Mr. Wong Giok Leigh

and it is soo totally true..we always make assumptions that there is such a thing as common sense..but is there? wat is d definition of common sense? well, to me its common knowledge that is shared by a group of people..so when you are sharing info with other people, you tend to leave out info, because u assume that it is common sense..thats how u loose marks in essays..

but yea, studying psych subjects like conflict resolution, human services really feels like its subjects that is based on common sense and ppl just want to make money from common sense..that use to be my attitude, so i tried to rely on my knowledge more than wat was in d book..that was my mistake..so now when i study "common sense" subjects, i look to what is said in the book, what i noe, wat i dont noe, the definitions, understanding all the definitions and why its defined in that way, in a way, getting into the head of the author and try to understand d background..haha..sounds like im some genius..key word, i TRY to be..

n btw, yea, im still depressed about d music thing, but now there is something to cheer me up..

Cheers..

Youth Camp Promo's~~Enjoy!

2008-10-26T23:32:00.000+10:30

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SOMEDAY!!

2008-10-23T14:26:00.003+10:30

yea, found another breathing space to blog a bit..still sick..but anyway, this all is nothing compared to sunday la..was one of the most (k, i dont want to say its d most, cuz i cant seem to recall any other day that is worse, but im sure that there is so just to be safe) depressing days of m life...it can be considered the last time i will play bass for worship..k i noe, im being selfish n the main point is to worship God..but yea, i realize that i truly worship God and give thanks through playing bass..which im really gonna miss.. need to find others ways of praising and worshiping God now..

besides that, from a more psychological POV (point of view), one of my ultimate goals is to be in a rock band n rock out on stage n the closest thing to that is to play for worship, which is actually a wrong mentality when you play..to be in the worship team, its is more important that u are well founded in God and play to worship Him, instead of playing to satisfy ur needs..but yea, when i play, i truly, TRULY play to worship God..

Dont really sing cuz u realize that i end up just singing to follow the mass, and i dont meditate on the words..Now, when im worshiping, i dont sing, but just stand there and read the words, meditating on it, trying to truly mean it..

So yea, am depressed..looking for ways to come out and to replace my mode of worshiping God..

Cheers..

Gruff

2008-10-22T23:01:00.002+10:30

no idea wat is that..just needed to write it..could be a new word, or an old word with a new meaning..the release of tension..haiz..anyway, just finished my super busy week last week, 1 assg due, 2 quizzes to prepare, and 2 midterms..carried over this week, 1 quiz, 2 group projects, 1 midterm paper, n 1 presentation..which is on friday, n i have no idea y im blogging now..on top of that, im sick, youth camp is drawing closer, and Click Trick is 3 weeks away..haiz..so yea..

anyway, today d whole day, i just wanted to be alone, sat alone, but i also wanted to hang around my friends..totally weird day..didnt say a word, or didnt say much, but i wanted to be with ppl..anyway, this is really weird for me cuz if i want to be alone, means i REALLY want to be alone, cuz im extra irritable..but this time was a mix..anyway, after philo class, i was just super pissed off, at wat i dunno..maybe its cuz of d stress, or not..that was also totally weird..hmm..maybe cuz im sick also, God knows..

oo, and about d pic, i just typed in gruff for fun on google, and this is wat i found..haha..a forgotten children's story..

Cheers?

dying happy?

2008-10-14T01:38:00.002+10:30

k, besides living my life in God's love, i would be able to die really happy if i have rocked out on stage with a band (hopefully ben is d guitarist la..haha) with super cunted songs..so if that day were to come, and i were do die from a freak accident after that, i dont mind..( k, im not suicidal, just expressing what i consider as self-actualizing- a psych term)

but yea, of course i want to live a life that glorifies God..well, if ur asking about drumming, like performing with a marching band, or like the Nilai performance kind of performance, i wouldn't mind but i've already done it, so yea..haha..n for marching bands, well i only want to do it with d bands that i performed with (1st kl 2006 PESTA band, APMB 2003 band) y? cuz there is a strong bond already connected with them..haha..kinda miss those days, but thats all they are..memories..need to move forwards and look forward for different ways to express myself..

Cheers..

All i wanted to say was hi..

2008-10-10T14:33:00.001+10:30

(me) This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
boss..

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
macam mana?

(obvious who this is rite?) darryn says:
apa

darryn says:
balik kampung

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
haha, kat mana tu?

darryn says:
timbuktu

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
haha..

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
jauhnya..

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
kenapa dia datang sini?

darryn says:
makan satay ma, banyak sedap!

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
lepas tu balik?

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
banyak kaya..

darryn says:
ya... kaya, strawberry jam pun ada

darryn says:
traffic jam pun ada!

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
oo..bagus bagus..

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
ku ni belum cuba traffik jam la..rasa macam mana ah?

darryn says:
tada sedap

darryn says:
cuba Jakarta brand traffik jam... mati terus

This Photograph is Proof ( I Know You Know) - Im not stressed..im just in denial.. says:
oo..begitu...terima kasih atas amaran yang kau bagi..

darryn says:
sama2

hmmmm....so this is wat stress feels like?

2008-10-09T23:28:00.003+10:30

u know, i use to think that there is such a thing as ataraxia, where it is a condition where a person just cannot feel stressed, which is in d movie lucky number slevin (really good movie)..of course i did research, trying to find out more about it..cuz i dont get stressed over normal stuff to get stressed about, like exams, performing on stage, competitions, watever else that is stressful..i just dont get stressed, like, super cool..but anyway, i couldnt find anything in any of my textbooks, online, or even my lecturers, so im coming to a conclusion that there is no such thing, its just that my perspective of what is important to me is not in order.. so now i've learnt to prioritize my studies, so now im finally feeling this weird feeling, which im assuming is stress..haha..

Cheers

Phobias

2008-10-07T23:14:00.002+10:30

k, im still in a holiday mood, so i will give u guys another post..something a little more interesting la..my phobias..

well, when i was young, i had a terrible phobia of sharks..trust me, it was really bad..i couldnt even stand d sight of the sharks, n d worse part was that my sis (elder sis) use to get a poster of all the sharks and chase me around the house, n my dad would actually allow her to do that..haha..i remember even once hiding under the bed just to get away from her..anyway, i remember when i was like, 4 i REALLY loved sharks..interesting, no? a sudden change..i just cant remember y..maybe some hypnosis can help explain that..but yea, it was just a sudden overnight thing..anyway, NOW i dont have that fear anymore la..got over it..it started with slowly just looking at sharks, then touching the picture (sounds dumb but it was a breakthrough, k?) then watching documentaries, looking at real sharks, n finally, touching a real shark..all this was done before the age of 18..so anyway, i actually went through a psych process called extinction which is used to overcome fears, which i didnt noe about (another reason i think i should do psych)

k, other than my shark phobia, a.k.a. selachophobia, i have a fear of heights (acrophobia), where when im walking on some high place, n i suddenly realize that there is a drop near by, my knee closest to the drop will give way, so i will like trip towards it..usually happens in shopping malls, 1st floor onwards, near d center court or something like that la..(get wat i mean?)

i think thats about it, in terms of fears la..k, also i just really really REALLY REALLY REALLLLYYY HATE BUGS..ALL KINDS..DONT CARE IF THEY ARE SLUGS, WORMS, OR WATEVER, just hate them..k, maybe not hate la..REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLLYYYY dislike them..dunno y, just do..haha..

Cheers..

An Organized Mess...

2008-10-07T18:21:00.002+10:30

haha..sounds a bit like an oxymoron rite? well, not really la..well, thats how i am..everytime i do something, its a mess, but its organized to me..haha..my room is the best example..i like to be able to see everything, cuz then i noe where everything is..when things are neat, it means that everything is kept away somewhere, not visible, so yea..haha..so i get really annoyed when someone goes into my room and clears everything up..thats when everything goes "missing" in my room..haiz..when no one touches it, there is no problem..

also quite interesting is that im quite a neat freak..or more like a perfectionist, where i need to do things to perfection or i have to go through a system or something to do things..haha..u noe wat? im actually confusing myself..i guess, to simply put it, im an organized mess..haha..the organized part is in my mind..d mess is wat u see..

Coming soon..

2008-10-07T02:53:00.001+10:30

haha, its been like a week rite? so yea, hold on..will update soon..

Interesting week....

2008-09-28T23:40:00.002+09:30

haha, yea..k, starts off with Isaak's birthday surprise which was on monday..haha..we did surprise him, like were d 1st ppl to do that..so ya..haha yay us! 2 points..

also monday was a speech that was tidak memuas-hatikan where i over shot d time by 1 min, which means my marks got cut..GAAA!! minus 4 points..

also is the vids la, haha that a plus point la..d violin vids that is in my previous post so click on that n watch d vids to noe wat im talking about..2 points, 1 for each vid..

tuesday and wednesday nothing much la.. 0 points

thursday went for worship practice, which was cool, cuz i REALLY love playing bass or drums..so its a 10 points plus..haha

friday, didnt go to coll, then realized that i had an assignment to pass up.. so i had to go to coll to pass it up then go to school for band..minus 5 points

after that went to watch zohan with cm n tommy for cm's birthday celebration..2 points la..give face..

then d movie was ok, funny but d storyline was really bad..plus 1, minus 2 = minus 1 point

friday got into an accident with tommy in d car, he was driving n i was in d pessenger seat.. minus 5 points

then staying on to help him to settle d whole thing till like 8 pm..accident was at 6.10pm..plus 3 points

had to miss CCF because of this..minus 4

later finding out that tommy get grounded for sending me home..minus 5

saturday, had a Nepali lunch with jason lai and family, mimz, n peter..plus 6 points, 1 for each person..

finding out that cm needs to go home from BB cuz he has heartburn n needs to see d doctor..minus 4 points

BB meeting..1 point..got to play football! but it was with junior boys..

met addison n talked about drums..plus 2 points

council meeting, 0 points..neutral

Man U winning!!!..plus 7 points

Man U given a penalty that was a bad decision..minus 3..

Sunday, worship..plus 10 points..i just love playing bass and worshipping..

being offered to play bass for christmas..plus 1..

turning down the offer because of studies..minus 3...

youth camp meeting..was good in my opinion..plus 1..haha

spending lunch and dota with isaak..plus 5..

having a good game of dota with isaak and getting a hero (dark seer) that i used super well..plus 2..

later i come home, i find a dog out in d backyard..plus 1..always wanted a dog..

so ya, i psycho-analyze d dog..haha bet u guys are laughing..just d usual analyze la..haha..so my conclusion is that its an emo dog..where it will come up to ur hand and just wants to be patted..wont bark, wont run around n play..food also quite hard to give..but yea, its an emo dog la..just comes to u and wants to be patted, nothing else..shows that it just wants to be accepted into the family and also wants attention..haha..yea, its a female dog..k, points..hmm..neutral la..maybe more positive..plus 2? yea..should be correct la..

k, so thats all la..btw d points is just a numerical value of d event to me la..so lets count..

2-4+2+10-5+2-1-5+3-4-5+6-4+1+2+7-3+10+1-3+1+5+2+1+2= +23..so its been a good week..haha..well kinda la.. EMO DOG!!haha..find that funny..dunno y..maybe we should name it emo..

Cheers

Im not shy..Im just anti social

2008-09-26T23:16:00.002+09:30

haha..finally got some breathing space, so i can blog a bit..

so yea, if u like saw me in class, or in a party, or somewhere where im not going anywhere, and i dont say hi, its not that im shy, its cuz im anti social..as in i dont want to say hi to u..k sounds bad rite? well it has a deeper meaning la..im a VERY phlegmatic person (which means im the kind of person that wants to please everyone around me) so in my mind, i see myself as a burden where if i walk up to u and u have a group of friends with u that i dont noe, so i might cause an awkward moment for u cuz u guys might find it difficult to talk about ur usual stuff cuz of my presence (get wat i mean?) so yea, i see it as helping u, and your friends, have the most amount of fun as much of the time..IF u came up to me and told me, "its ok, join in!" then i would.. but other than that..

k, if you saw me walking along a corridor, or a walk way or watever, n i dont say hi, well its cuz i just didnt see u..haha..k, sometimes i do see u, but i would be thinking, "is that who i think it is?" cuz i kinda like have a phobia where i waved at someone i didnt noe, cuz he look IDENTICALLY like someone i noe, and that guy just gave me d weird look..so yea, instead of waving first, i would wait for u to wave first..just to confirm..but yea..i also get ignored quite a lot la, as in i would be talking to someone without that person realizing, mostly i would say is because i dont have a very loud or out standing voice, or i just speak at d wrong times..so yea..haha..

Random posts to keep u guys occupied..

2008-09-22T16:49:00.002+09:30

haha..yea, sounds like a burden rite? well, im not gonna lie, it is a burden, but its a calculated burden..

quote of the day,

" headaches causes your heads to hurt"

btw, watch this, its really good..

quotes

2008-09-18T23:09:00.006+09:30

these are some of the quotes that amused me today..

"Remember class, if you have high emotion, you have low intel!" - Lecturer, talking about how conflicts are started, and how we need to be in order to resolve it..

"Hi...wat movie?...SHUT UP..STUPID" Friend, a conversation done by 1 person..haha..cuz ppl are collecting their movie tickets, so yea, this person was at d counter, handing out d tickets..(well, it did not really happen la..)

"LLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA............. KUKARACA! LA KUKARACA! ENCHALADA BLA BLA BLA!

LA KUKARACA, LA KUKARACA, AND A BURITO BLA BLA BLA!" - Cosmo of the Fairly Oddparents..haha, it was just soo funny..

"the chicken hair guy"- Friend, talking about someone in class..haha..

ha..k, there is my other lecturer, who im starting to have a problem with her..cuz she says things that is directly opposite to wat she said previously..

k, she is a LAN Malaysian Studies lecturer, so she was talking about our assignment where we came up with 5 qualifiers to enter the parliment la..so yea, she was telling us d "correct"(im using this term VERY loosely) answers..so she was saying that a politician who HAD homosexual tendencies is ok to run for parliment cuz that person has like married a woman and has kids (k it is about a spesific person, but i dont want to say who la, cuz i might get into trouble la over something SHE said in class), cuz PPL CAN CHANGE (note the cap-ed words)..k, then she says that a qualifier is that a candidate for parliment CANNOT be DIVORCED OR HAVE MORE THAN 1 WIFE.. WTC?? kk, not really done la..so her explanation is divorce means its a sign of immaturity..so its a MISTAKE that person has made..so? she only said, ppl can change..then now its a unforgivable mistake, means that the person is incapable of changing for the better..plus, im not talking about the fact taht we live in an Islamic nation, so poligamy is approved.. (k, im not saying anything, cuz it is a religious rite, therefore if they act that way, doesnt that mean that they are more religious? plz correct me if im wrong) hmmm..kk, i should stop here la..pissing off la class today..a person who just stands in front of class and talks BS..haiz...A LOT to complain about her la..u want to noe more, just ask me on msn la..

cheers

like seriously, why?

2008-09-16T03:01:00.002+09:30

k, i usually dont stay up this late on d com, but yea, had some stuff to check out..n i visited jo/smith's blog, n well, he posted something on being in a bad mood n how to over come it..

well, it got me thinking la..so he says like, live your days for others so that u can make their days brighter (rite jo?) but yea, i just thought, y isnt it that simple? y cant we just change our mindset? then d next question is, y MUST we change our mindset? y cant we just be in a bad mood?

i always thought that being sad was a bad thing, until one day when i was emoing and a friend told me that its good to emo, so i was puzzled by the statement..reason y its good is because if u are emoing, means that u have the ability to feel..so yea, i dont see sadness or emo as a bad thing anymore..

so k, after reading jo's post, i was thinking, y do ppl not act that way? of course a lot of psych theories did flood my thoughts, which i dont think i want to bore u guys with it, but yea..the fact is, when we are in a bad mood or watever, we are really really focused on ourselves, and most of the time, we are angry over something else, or over someone else, so it's hard to be nice to others when d problems comes from there..

hmm...so yea, a lot of philosophical thoughts..but yea, studying philo this sem, so yea, i think im going to get REALLY annoying after this sem..haha..basically philo is asking questions..haha..(like, REALLY REALLY the basics of philo)

Cheers

2008-09-11T23:19:00.001+09:30

"MEANINGLESS! MEANINGLESS!" Says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless".

but everyone's doing it!

2008-09-08T01:27:00.004+09:30

so yea, peer pressure..is it really bad? i mean do u guys think that its a bad thing? i noe i do..so yea, is it really? think about it..k la, maybe it is la..implications behind it is that "u dont have a brain", "cannot think for urself?" (heard all that before?) and so on..which maybe true but is it really?

k, IF it is such a bad thing, then y does it still exist? well, i would say that its a simple answer..human beings are social creatures..we have a sense of belonging, so by following a trend or by following a certain activity u feel that u are accepted by others..which is true..well, just say there is a group of ppl who play a certain game, like rugby n u want to talk to them..but u find that its soo hard, cuz they only talk about rugby..so how? some ppl think that just cuz they dont talk to them, the d group thinks that d person is some weird guy or a useless guy..but the truth is d group dont label u as useless (well im assuming these ppl are nice ppl la, like me, jo, ben, tommy, jh, cm n other ppl who think they are nice la..:p) but they just think that they cant relate to u..(just imagine if u had someone who came to ur group of friends and couldnt fit in) so yea, wat would u do? k i noe most of u would say this JUST to prove my point wrong, that u all would go find another group, but that is not d question..d question is, wat would u do to fit into that group? would u go and learn how to play rugby? or learn d rules?

of course la the situation isnt always like that la..yea, ppl do label u as a weird person, just cuz u dont do something that is in d norm..society uses peer pressure to be able to control everyone to be "normal"..y? if there is no control/ order, then there is chaos..

k, so is peer pressure still bad? well, in my humblest opinion, it depends on d situation..well, we are intellectual creatures and also have d ability to differentiate the difference of good and bad, right and left, (well most of the time) so yea, use ur intellect..the Bible is there to guide u also..so yea, somethings should be followed like talking to urself in public is not d normal thing ppl do (well, having a conversation kinda talking to urself, not thinking out loud), but others things that dont do much help to urself and to others, like smoking n other stuff shouldnt be followed..well, if u rationalize that u should do it, then really, i cant stop u la, go ahead..just make sure u have all d facts, all d pro's and con's..from my experience, a socially inept person, i remember getting into fights (fist fights) with other ppl, just because my friends said that i should, even though i had nothing against that person..y did i do it? well, if i didnt, i wouldnt have a story to tell u all now rite? haha..(pro or not, std 4-6 already planning to blog about this)

haha..k, thats all la..i guess..a bit lengthy for me..

Quote of the Day...

" Start the day with nothing in your head because by the end of the day, you will have nothing to lose.."

-Caleb George Mamman

hehe..talking about how i live my life..haha..explains y i talk a lot of crap..

Cheers

answer: bowl of soup

Why i dont do tags?

2008-09-03T22:25:00.001+09:30

anyway, i think i should justify my actions right about now, so yea..

i dont do tags..y? k, honestly i've given A LOT OF reasons as to y i dont do it..which is all true..to be d most honest that i can be, i just dont feel rite about doing it..so y do i use all those reasons? well, i cant really explain d feeling, so thats y i use soo many reasons..so yea..i dont do tags..if u really want to noe me through random questions, just ask me..msn, e mail, phone, that is if ur sooo free..

k, latest update on my UNI stuff..hhaha..k, praise God, answers are coming in, thick and fast..well, at least now i can safely say that im going to Adelaide and in Febuary..at least i have d town and time settled, rite? haha..k, as i said about Flinders yesterday, well, that is my first choice, as it is like ranked 10th in Australia, compared to UNISA, which is not even on the list that i looked at..so yea..its also cool that they requirement for CGPA is 2.7 to enter, but even with my CGPA they said i can go over there..so yea, good Uni..so now im applying for Flinders U..so yea, hope i can go in without complications..if i cant, then there is always UNISA..haha..

Cheers..

Fasting ain't easy..

2008-09-02T21:58:00.003+09:30

yea, although its coming from me, it really ain't easy.. i noe i dont eat much n i've skipped lunch sooo many times, that its enough to feed a small nation, its still difficult, cuz i usually eat as soon as i get hungry.. k, before all of u go like, "wat?" or "CALEB!! U'VE TURNED MUSLIM????!!!" im actually fasting for the future of 1st KL, as we need prayer..i've decided to fast from today onwards 02/09/08 - Retreat, which just soo happens to be on Raya, so yea, i'll be joining the muslims this fasting month..to the 1st kl ppl, feel free to join in and also plz do pray for us, as we need help with officers, where we do not have enough officers, both seniors and juniors..to the others, plz pray for us as well..

btw, if you join in the fast, do let me noe, so that we can keep each other accountable..

btw, just to update u guys on my current situation on my transfering, currently, i've been accepted by Flinders University, in Adelaide, but there is still some problems there still, which is i need to minor in something to get in, but d subjects that i've chosen dont really make a clear line for which area i can minor in..so yea, i MIGHT be there an extra semester, to like, minor in something..savvy? (k, dont mean that in a annoyed way..just using it more now..haha)

Cheers

Interesting path

2008-08-27T22:20:00.002+09:30

k, just to let u guys noe (officially) my status of transfering is unkown at the moment, because of some complication in college, so i might transfer in febuary or in july, to UNISA (as of yesterday)

k, wat is d complication u ask? k, i need to do 24 subjects, n i've done 22 by the end of this sem, which im left with 2 more subjects, which are cognitive and biological psychology, and also human motivation, which are not offered this semester. SO the coll told me that they will ask the UNISA if it was alrite for me to do 2 other subjects, conflit resolution and methods in human services as a replacement. SO if the UNISA says its ok, then i will do it this sem, if its not ok n they say i can go over there and complete it there, then i will do that. IF they say cannot n i MUST finish it here at HELP, then i will have to go in july.

SO i went to see the clerk to check on my status, she says, there is still no reply, and classes start next week. SO how now? the clerk sent an email to the UNISA again to tell them to get back to her ASAP. SO she asks me then, is there any other uni that i would like to apply to, in case they do not reply me by this friday. SO my friend, who was sitting next to me was applying to Deakin UNI in Melbourne and also UNISA, so she asked if Deakin was ok..i said yes.

SO now the current situation is, i might go to Adelaide or Melbourne, in Febuary or in July. haiz, things are getting complicated before it can get simple..

Cheers

Daman's Odyssey

Migraine-tion

Purpose Driven Life

Dying Breaths of an Inactive Blog ..

Story of my Life...

Reopened wounds..

Over-zealous?

Thanks to those who wished..

A story of a story?

My Blue Heaven

Simple minds are easily entertained..haha..thanks Song Yeu

i think i need a breather...

Much to say, lest the time..

Refuse to Forget

Up All Night!

Of the Forgotten and the Unremembered..

Facades of life...

Posso parlare italiano?

Merdeka Day..

Just when u think u cant get weirder..

It's about a feeling that has no meaning..

The Dog-Owner Relationship..

Only in My World...

HA..started la now.....

It's a Wonderful Life

You have ur jocks, goths and nerds...then u have Caleb..

Godspeed- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

BB life

WHAT D CRAPPPP??!

The Perfect Girl..

When God shuts a door...

Trials of a Psychologist..

Must watch..

Giving my best..

But I Want it NOW!!! *said in a whiny kid's voice*

Taking back.........

Coincidence?

Exams..

Everything Must Go

Situations

New Again....

Revealation in Progress..

Wish I dont have to sleep..

I'll Let You Live

The Tetris of Life..

ass+u+me= ??

How to be perfectly Miserable?

FBC Subang Building Fundraiser Concert Opening

Stockholm Syndrome by Muse

Uniquely Similar

Sprinkles of Malaysia..

Easter Camp..

This Made Me Jump Around Last Night..

what do u see?

Nobody wants to play bass??

Confessions of a Shopaholic..

Some Where I Belong..

G'day mate??

ADELAIDE BABY!! (and i think it is gonna be my longest post yet!)

24 hours countdown..

the feeling known as nostalgia..

A Town Called Hypocrisy

pay respect to where it is due..

Excuses...

Another controversial post?

another bored-out-of-my-mind-post, and it's the first of 2009...

Again I Go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessionals

Time of reflecting..

For the longest of times..

The Games We Play

A Hattrick of Bliss..

Jaws Theme Swimming, again!

time to move on..

In Loving Memory

What is so funny?

Jaws Theme Swimming

Future of BBM..

Redundancy

Place for My Head

Bleak..is it?

But I Want it NOW!!! said in a whiny kid's voice